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Original poster

Arghhhh.. row with friends about religious schools......

65 replies

unicorn · 24/06/2006 20:01

basic gist.. we (ie my kids) go to a religious school (RC).. friends do too (CE) they don't believe in religion... but we do.
So this pm I got fed up of listening to them being hypocritical - and ..... whoops.. I told them so.

Big arguement.
Is it my problem?
How do I remain pals? ( have known them for quite a while but never had a personal row like this)

OP posts:
Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 24/06/2006 20:03

depends how personal it got, if it was purely over religion then I'd just mark it down as a silly row and forget it- presumably they'll want to do the same. If it got more personal it's harder.

Socci · 24/06/2006 20:27

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 24/06/2006 20:36

give us details.

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 20:39

hmm.. yes I guess I am sick of being party to conversations where they essentially slag off religion etc yet send their kids to religious school.
Am afraid I hit a raw nerve tonight with them - basically I spelt it out... if you aren't religious then you shouldn't send them to a religious school... their arguement was... they didn't like the fact that they didn't have a choice and felt they should have.
well fair enough... but.....
am I wrong?
q

OP posts:
Tortington · 24/06/2006 20:40

did they have a choice?

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 20:49

of course they had a choice... just one they didn't like.

I am hormonal and going through major marital problems at the moment... but I cannot stand by hypocrites. And I am afraid they are.
Yikes... end of long term friendship?

I shouldn't have confronted them I spose... but that's me all over... a PITA - and not good with staying schtum for sake of politeness.

I am going to have no friends, family, husband left very soon, coz I am too gobby.

OP posts:
roisin · 24/06/2006 20:53

Unicorn - are you OK?
I don't really understand your OP about the row, but you sound in a bit of a state.

Caligula · 24/06/2006 20:56

Hmm, I think it's very easy to call someone a hypocrite when you yourself are in the happy position of fitting a criteria for a school. Are these friends actually hypocrites? Do they go to church and pray and pretend to believe in God so that their child is looked on kindly at school? If they called you a hypocrite for looking down on them for having to jump through a hoop that you're already through just so their child could get educated, how would you feel? Offended?

Just playing devil's advocate here, I obviously have no idea of your friend's circumstances, but calling a friend a hypocrite is always a biggie, I think. I don't think it can be glossed over. Having said that, I think it's pretty rude of them to constantly slag off religion when they know you're religious, so I can understand if you snapped.

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 20:59

no really pssed off. Roisin I was told to f ck off by a 'pal' who didn't like what I was saying (she was ordering her son to stay outdoors... as if I was a demented loon... coz I was speaking about something they didn't like)

We had had a really nice afternoon as well, the girls and the kids. Then it got on to schools and the 2 of them started on about religion - and I just felt - well, oppressed for want of a better word.
I said the thing you aren't sposed to - don't send your kids to a religious school if you don't believe in it.
It didn't go down well.

OP posts:
roisin · 24/06/2006 21:03

I think you need to chill out a bit. I'm sure it won't look so bad in the morning.

Seeing your name reminded me:
I'm "supposed" to be at Old Scholars' Reunion this weekend - oops missed that then

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 21:04

Caligula - no they don't go to church or have attempted (or even will) jump through any hoops. They felt they should have a 'choice' of schools and simply because the religious schools have a better standing they sent their children there.
They are anti religious if anything - and that is why I feel oppressed when they talk about such things.

OP posts:
Caligula · 24/06/2006 21:11

So what's the reason you called your friend a hypocrite?

Sorry I'm not trying to pick a row with you, it's obvious this has upset you, but I'm trying to understand what the row was about. You were speaking about something your friend didn't want her son to hear? And you think she's automatically a hypocrite for sending her child to a religious school when she's not religious, or are there are other reasons you consider her a hypocrite (and did you detail them to her!)?

I have to declare an interest here because my DS goes to a C of E school and I'm an atheist, but I don't consider myself a hypocrite. I'm just a parent who wants her kid educated in the nearest local school, and I don't think that the children of people who happen to have a belief system I don't have, have got more of a right to that education, than my children have. And I'd take very strong issue with anyone who told me that that made me a hypocrite. And if it were a friend who told me so, I would be hurt and angry that she thought so little of me, tbh.

englandflag · 24/06/2006 21:13

Surely if their kids are at state schools, they have the same right to be there as anyone else, religious or not?

Caligula · 24/06/2006 21:14

Having said that, I wouldn't dream of slagging off organised religion in a ranting provocative way all the time, if I knew it was upsetting my friend. It sounds like she does that to you quite a bit, from your post and that you're fed up of it? Or am I reading to much into it?

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 21:16

so do you agree with what the school is teaching or not Caligula?
essentially you can chery pick your school because it is higher than than non denominational one in the tables etc.. but is it ok then to slag it off for teaching what it said it would do --- Religion?
My problem is that my pals don't have a religion either and seem to want the school to fit in with their belief system - which is nonsensical.

OP posts:
sobernow · 24/06/2006 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rowlers · 24/06/2006 21:19

I never discuss religion with certain friends od mine.
It always (almost) ends in tears
Religion and politics - best left alone IMO.

Caligula · 24/06/2006 21:22

I have no idea how the school does on the denominational tables (honestly, I don't believe in them anyway) I chose it on the basis that it is five minutes round the corner and was small and friendly - the alternative was a New Labour internment camp affair.

I accept that it teaches religion as fact and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I always figure it won't do my kids any harm to have a nodding familiarity with the basic tenets of Western Civilisation. However, I can sort of understand these people who want their children to have a good education, but can only get that if they send their child to a school which teaches their child a belief system to which they don't subscribe. It sounds like your friend hasn't quite got over her resentment about being made to jump through that hoop (and it is a hoop, imo) and is taking out her resentment on you.

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 21:23

Rowlers I agree...but they are always talking about it and they have assumed everyone just agrees with them.
It wasn't me who brought it up..I don't want to talk about kids, schools, or any of that when I am with adults... it just seems to be a raw point with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 21:25

It was 2 friends Caligula.. and 'ganged up' on was the feeling I was getting!
(paranoid, moi?)

OP posts:
Rowlers · 24/06/2006 21:26

Do yuo value their friendship?
If so I would swallow my pride and feelings and phone and apologise. Even if you don't mean it.
Perhaps you can explain your feelings and ask if you can agree to disagree and never raise the subject again?
Or is that just hiding from the issue?
Can see Caligula's POV too TBH.
A sensitive issue and I'm not sure either of you is "wrong".

Original poster
unicorn · 24/06/2006 21:28

what am I apologising for though?
Speaking the blinding obvious -
'if you don't like religion then don't send kids to a religious school.'
Why should I apologise over that?

OP posts:
Rowlers · 24/06/2006 21:32

For the arguement.
"I'm sorry we argued" means no-one accepts guilt.
Does it matter who's right or wrong?
If it does, then I'm not sure how you will reslove it.

Rowlers · 24/06/2006 21:33

Oh and it may be obvious to you, but it's clearly not to them!!!

Rowlers · 24/06/2006 21:33

sorry - argument!!!!