Quality of Life Today

[Bugsy]

Now this is not meant to be a party political thing, but I want to know whether people think that life in this country has improved in the last decade. I am feeling particularly hacked off today, hideous commute, crappy project and grumpy toddler pre-work but I think my quality of life is slowly going down the toilet.
Since I started working, some 10 years ago, I've watched the tube service get worse, the train service get worse, local hospitals close departments & wards, traffic congestion increase, parking become more difficult & expensive. One way or another through NI, VAT, road tax my tax burden has increased and I can't help wondering what is going on.
Do other people feel like this, or am I just Mrs Misery today? As I say, I am not trying to get at any one political party but I would be interested to know how others feel about their quality of life in the UK over the last 10 years.

Pupuce, there are tons of ways to train as a bfc : ) NCT, LLL,Breastfeeding Network, Association of breastfeeding mothers, all have websites, and all train their own counsellors. I know most about NCT. It takes 2-3 years to train. An alternative is to train as a peer supporter/peer counsellor, and this takes a matter of about 9-12 sessions of a couple of hours. You can find out from HVs or midwives if you have anything running locally. Obviously, the peer support route doesn't do anything like the in-depth and self-awareness and other stuff that the fuller courses to, but they do teach basic bf physiology and some listening skills. The NCT and so on courses need you to be supported by the organisation, who funds your training (sometimes with help from a grant from the Dept of Health in the cse of NCT). Peer supporter courses are usually free as they have been sponsored by the NHS or a charity or grant or whatever. Hope this helps!

Good Luck Sid, hope it all go's well for you!

Good luck Sid - any news yet?

x

Child friendly restaurants in Surrey
Can anyone help? Am looking for NICE (ie not Harvester type deepfried everything places)pubs or Hotels or Restaurants that are happy to have a 2 year old in them.

All help greatly received

thinking of you Sid!

Sid, anything to report yet?

Kiwibird, can you be more specific about which area of Surrey?

Tiktok- quick question! Thanks for advise BTW.
When I said "waiting for my boobs to fill up a bit," this was only around 5-7pm when I really had absolutely nothing in there, having last fed at around 2.30-3pmish. ds would latch on, I'd watch the frantic jaw movements, but within seconds he was off boob and screaming his head off. If I tried to express a little, just to check for levels, there would never be as much as a drop to be had. My question then is, despite allowing ds to lead the feeding throughout the day up to this point, why was there never anything there and next time how can I avoid bf from following the same pattern?
I didnt start following GF routines until 8-10 weeks, thus delaying feeds a little to, as I thought allow the breast to fill up a little more.
Things got a little better this way, but I often had to top up his feed at 6-7pmish as milk was still low.
I gave up at 20 weeks because I literally dried up over night, is this normal? I had been relying on expressing 4-5x a day, as ds gave up feeding off me himself, got a cold and couldn't be bothered with the sterilising for 24/24 and when I went to try again, nothing!
Any hints and tips gratefully received!

I think it is certainly possible for mothers to run low on breastmilk, and if you felt this was a consistent running dry every evening, then it might have helped to fit in another feed or two every day. But there could have been other reasons for your baby's behaviour, and expressing is not a reliable way to see if anything is in there - the baby sucks differently. Much of the milk is stored deep in the breasts and comes out best with effective suckling.

I'd need to know more about the early days of your bf, too - maybe you were someone who needed a lot of effective feeding early on to prime the supply as it were.

You say you literally dried up over night - I'd need to know more. Expressing 4-5 times a day may not have been enough to maintain a good supply for you - and in any case, expressing is not as good as feeding. Sudden drying up is probably sudden failure of let down, which can be temporary. But you may have had a supply issue all along, which might not happen this time. Good luck, anyway : )

It always took me about 5 mins of pumping before any milk came out while expressing. But my babies got it straight away! So that's right tiktok, there must be a fundamental difference between bfeeding and expressing. But if your baby is a fussy feeder (as one of mine was), how do you ensure you keep a good supply? I think I got over it by literally feeding all day and all night for a couple of days, he fed every hour for a few minutes then pulled away. It nearly killed me with tiredness but after that everything seemed to get going. I did consider expressing at more regular intervals but decided to be baby led. Although I have read some comments on this site that are quite anti baby led feeding, I have come to the conclusion that it must be the only way to ensure a good supply, and surely must be essential for the first 6 or so weeks?

Rioja,I am currently reading a book from Deborah Jackson "The benefit of relaxed parentig for you and your child" (she is an author which could be categorised as pro- AP - attachment parenting). She makes a very good point throughout the book : it's not what you do that is important but how you do it.
You can believe (and maybe rightly so) that feeding on demand is the right way and you may do that but if you don't do it properly it can be a failure (and I think it's fair tosay that a lot of mums fel that way) ! It is right to suggest that babies should be fed very often when they are very small so as to stimulate the breast supply but what a lot of mothers (including me with my first) don't realise is that sucking for hours on end isn't necessarily how to do it ! Some babies will go on sucking for hours...my son did and my mum kept telling me, that it was getting ridiculous but I "knew" better for my son, etc
Well after 2 weeks of hell, my mum told me that she had spoken to a bf counselor (I don't think she did but at least that was her way of ensuring I'd listen) and that I should feed him from both sides for a shorter period. As I was in agony from sore nipples, I gladly agreed at that point. Well to my surprise
1.Baby didn't mind being stopped (removed from the breast)
2.Baby gained as much weight that week as he had the previous one and continued gaining 8 oz every week

What I am saying is that loads of women are like Honeybunny, they have followed current guidleines but maybe it's the how they did it that wasn't perfect (not from lack of trying) - sorry honneybunny - this isn't criticsm - promise

You're right, Pupuce, it's the way you do it that counts!! Babies feeding continuously for hours and hours may be feeding ineffectively, or they may be there because they like being there (bf being much more than just a way to get milk into a baby) and some babies will tolerate being taken off....this can be a personality thing, I suspect. For some babies, being close and snuggled is more important than for other babies. The babies will let you know which sort of baby they are if you let them!!

It can be v. important for milk supply that you follow a baby's cues, especially in the first weeks when the whole system gets laid down. But babies are different in appetite, and mothers are different in how much milk they can hold in their breasts, and how quickly they respond to stimulation to make more. This is why scheduled/routine feeding doesn't work for everyone.

Tiktok... I suspect you'll know where I am coming from when I say this.... but schedule/routine feeding is also HOW you do it that makes it successful....

I think I'm similar to Honeybunny in many respects. I tried evrything feeding-wise with dd. She always fed +++ , but only when my breasts were really full in the morning did I feel she had a really good feed, and she obviously came off full up and settled. Largely, the rest of the day was a bit of a b/f marathon. She always seemed to have to suck, suck suck before I heard the satisfying 'glug' - not like suck, swallow, suck, swallow - particularly on the left breast - the milk seemed to flow a bit more freely from the right. For some reason, I never did have a great supply - always just enough, and sometimes not even that. I resisted the tempation to 'top up', as I knew what I'd do once on that rocky road. Although if/when I have another child I will bf again, I'm not sure how or if i can counteract this supply issue. I did try leaving her for longer periods so breasts could 'fill' a little, but the constant screaming was too wearing. Any ideas?

I do wonder of Honeybunny, Leese and Jasper would not benefit from having 1 to 1 bf counselors (over a few days/week- not 1 consultation over the phone) who would really look at the issue and who are open minded to various ways of doing things. Or maybe you have done that already.
What do you think Tiktok ?

On the topic of supply, I thought this article looked interesting:

www.bflrc.com/ljs/breastfeeding/MakeMilk.html

Certainly suggests that expressing can be one way of building up supply if your baby has an inefficient suck at first?

Too early for final judgement ! I am only 1/2 through... at this stage there are some good things and less interesting ones - as in all books.
What is interestimg to me is that D. Jackson appears to a lot of people to be a sort of "opposite" to GF... and I think in both of their cases some of their theories/thoughts are extrapolated by both sides of the argument to make their point. I am trying myself to understand where they agree... and I think they do in a lot of instances but it's our habit of distinguishing good and bad that makes all of us party to taking sides !

Rozzy - sorry to come back to something you said to me on another thread. When you said your child had gone to bed at 23 and then at 21... do I understand you to say that from those 2 nights onwards she went to bet at 1900 and got up at 730 ? As before she use to get up earlier than that ?
Sorry to come back to this.... but your short answers don't tell the story - and I am interested

Yes, one-to-one counselling over time, and including face-to-face, really does help resolve issues. One call, especially hen the mother is stressed, or waiting for her baby to wake up , may not be enough. (Should also say that this scenario can also apply to the counsellor - being stressed and waiting for her own baby to wake up! We're trained to try and devote our attention to the caller, and we may well ask a mother to let us call her back, but sometimes...well, I'm sure you understand. Counsellors are volunteers working from their own homes, and real life sometimes interrupts).

I quite often support mothers through several weeks of problematic feeding - just spoken to a mum yesterday who first called me a month ago, and we have talked about 8 times and met once in that time. It's only now she feels she has enough milk for her baby and he is reasonably happy.

I know I am in danger of repeating myself, but spacing feeds out 'waiting for your breasts to fill up' works against having a good supply. That's just the way it is!

Timely or what? I migh get called away any second, but beautiful three and a half day old baby son want to feed more or less round the clock. Mostly it is for around forty five minutes (or longer)and then a break for maybe half an hour or more but never more than one hour away from the breast - he cries and will not be satisfied with just a cuddle from me or anyone else! I KNOW I can't keep this up. I can't sleep while he feeds because it painful to some extent all the time ( and he is DEFINATELY positioned correctly, I change positions so diffent parts of the nipples get used etc)
He has no problem attaching and has a srong effective suck. My breasts are soft and tender; I can usually express a drop or two.
I know it is early days, I can probably keep going like this for a few days more without going completely loopy if you think this is best but I really need advice on limiting / spacing out feeds and when I should attempt to do this.
Incidentally the hospital wanted to keep him in for at least another day as he is/was showing signs of dehydration - they took blood from him - but that will be a thread in itself and is quite a tale!
Thanks in advance for any help. I can hear him crying so must go.

Jasper, is there any way you can have a bf councellor to your house and look at the issue ? Or maybe Tiktok can get a hold of you via e-mail?
I feel for you as it will be tiring. What happens if you unlatch him after 15 minutes on a side?

Jasper - feeling for you right now!! Difficult to believe it'll get ant better when its like that I suppose, but like you said, it is early days. That initial engorgement should be about to kick in (usually day 3 - 5, but can be earlier or later than that), and that usually helps to settle the mad feeding down a bit - tho' their tiny tummies need lots of refuelling! I would just try and go with the flow if you can at the moment - all that sucking should lead to a beautiful supply. Even I got massive, engorged breasts, full of milk (tho' if you've read my previous mails, you'll know my supply was never brill later), and I've got breasts like small fried eggs! Dh thought his birthday and Christams had come all at once.
Keep up the good work Jasper!!

jasper, my dd was similar at birth, she fed CONSTANTLY for about 10 days. It was hellish, but I just went with it as I didn't really know what else to do. By the time I put her on the GF routine at 5 weeks we were both knackered. She took to the routine beautifully but I do believe that feeding her constantly at the beginning did help my milk supply to get off to a good start, so I would try to let him feed as much as possible, you may find once your milk comes in (mine didnt until day 5) he is more satisfied. I know its horribly tiring but just remember that it should only be for a short time and you've got lots of support here on mumsnet!

Jasper, it won't last forever, honest! In a week or two's time you'll look back on today and be amazed at the difference. Do you have help in the house so you can have a 'babymoon', just staying in or around your bed? It really helps, and if you stay in pj's it impresses on others that you are a newly delivered mother who needs pampering.

Jasper, what can I say.....this is normal at this stage! You have a lovely, big boy with a wonderful strong suck and he already loves his mummy so much he knows his favourite place is right next to her warm, snuggly body where he can get food, drink and love as a package deal.

You can survive it because there should be no need for you to do anything else except converse with family, cuddle them a lot, too, and direct operations a bit from your bed or chair (hope you are gettng help with the practical side of life).

Will it help to think of feeding him not as a sort of job you do, but a start to a relationshipm a way of nurturing only you can do...it's a part of life and can gradually blend in with it. I think you may be scared that 'it' will always be like this and you will never control 'it'...it will change.

He is creating a good milk supply which will mean you will have plenty for him later - he is actively making prolactin receptors which ensure the ability to make milk according to his needs later.

If it hurts beyond slight tenderness, then the positioning and attachment may need improvement. I don't like the sound of it being painful to a certain extent all the time - it shouldn't be necessary to change his position so different parts get sucked on...if he is on right, it really shouldn't hurt enough to stop you dozing.

I can't tell you when to think about spacing feeds - but it's not yet

You're doing great...just enjoy it and his enthusiasm. : )

message withdrawn