My best friends dad died :-(

[WhatKatyDidToday]

My best friends dad died today :-( it was not unexpected as he had bowel cancer but still incredibly sad. I live 4 hours away from her and have offered to go and see her but she doesn't want me to (which I completely understand). I would like to send her something to let her know I'm thinking of her and an here if she does want to talk. What should I send?

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My best friend's dad died 4 years ago - very suddenly - I found that the best thing was to let her talk - lots. I found this particularly important when everyone else had stopped asking and stopped their sympathy - months and years down the line. I also found it was important to her that I remembered anniversaries and birthdays and sent her a text/phoned her just to say hi or let her talk. I live closer and I helped her sort his flat and did 'practical' things but that will be harder for you. I would say, try to get to the funeral, hug her lots and let her talk and talk and talk or really, just let her know you are there and how much love her.

Could you send like nice wreath for the funeral (if you can't get there). And everything Barbara said!

Thankyou, I really appreciate your reply. I just feel so useless! I will write her a card, is sending flowers ok?

A sympathy card is the best thing I think, when my mum died I felt so touched by the thoughts and kindness other people expressed and particularly liked reading other peoples memories of my mum. Just tell her you are there for her whatever she needs.

A bereavement card with a personal message, the ones I received meant a lot to me. I reread them about a month after and they were a consolation. Also visit her in the weeks ahead. She will appreciate it.

Ok, so I'll send a card. What about a food shop delivered or is that too weird?! I doubt she's had time for thinking of herself

Its lovely that you are such a good friend and want to look after her. I'd probably just stick to a card though - that will mean more than anything physical.

it is kind, does she have anyone else, a partner? It might be a bit ott, but I suppose it all depends on her circumstances. Ultimately it is nice.

Being there for her is the most important thing, just calling her or calling to her. Even just for company and chatting about other things. It is good to talk about the bereavement, but the bereaved person can feel obliged to talk about it too, sometimes it is nice just to chit chat like you would normally Take your cues from her.

Thanks everyone. No, she doesn't have a partner (but she's so lovely, I never understand why). I think she's staying at her mums house at the moment. I really can't thank you all enough