Where have all the nice kids gone?

[nannyme]

We have only lived here since last Summer and while I am not backward in the socialising department, we haven't managed all that many kiddy social events.

So far, a generous handful of after school play dates and a birthday party as well as Home Ed group meets and usual public play area stuff.

My complaint isn't that we are feeling lonely but that so far even the seemingly nice kids are just weird or nasty when they come around your house to play.

Two have been quite lovely but difficult to pin down for a playdate all that often (probably due to poularity!) but just lately we have experienced a couple of horrors.

Yesterday, a little friend of my 4 year old who is very sweet and comical but also completely unchecked in terms of his behaviour, proceeded to take a piece of cake from me to take home with him and then stamp on it! WTF?

Then there was the hair cutting and punching incident at another friend's.

Usually we aren't too bad at picking 'em but lately I have begun to wonder just how much 'parenting' goes on in the typical familial home.

That said, my 4 year old - heavily influenced by same said friend - has turned into a horror himself and regularly kicks and spits at everybody. We thought after 7 weeks out of school we had put an end to it but one day after playing with same child he is back to all this horrible behaviour.

I hate to vetoe the friend situation in a 'my kids are holier than thou' fashion but what else do I do.

Just a rant really - perhaps not to be taken too seriously.

Have you let the mum or dad of the 4yr old know what he did with the cake? If it were me I would want to know so that I could give my child a stern talking to. I would be horrified if I thought that my children behaved like that on a play date.

She was there but just in the other room talking to dp. We ended up semi-making light of it although he punched my dp's legs as dp handed the cake to his mum.

I don't know if I am just feeling regretful about leaving the cosy village lifestyle we had before with our cosy village friends and their cosy village kids.

Ridiculous of me if that's the case but it is hard work building up adult and child social contacts, especially as a working mother and I just feel let down when kids you thought would be nice turn out to be loutish.

I was a bit sad to recently notice that my daughter is nowhere near as savvy and street wise as her peers. Do I hope she catches up or revel in her innocence and her enjoying small pleasures instead of demanding Bratz dolls and ear piercing like her 6 year old friends?

I sound depressing, sorry!

In all honesty, I think the loveliest of children become werewolves when in the company of other children - espcially from 4 onwards. The group chemistry seems to send them into a hyper state where they do things they never normally do - such as stamping on cake!
My DS is frequently unnaturally angelic - but when excited in the company of friends the same age can beam 'asbo asbo' across his forhead, and he and his freinds are an equally bad influence on each other.

You are right Blu. I have little doubt that the mother of little cake stamping boy has similar feelings about my little boy in private! God knows what he gets up to when I'm not there.

One thing find pointless and odd though is how parents (including me) cover it all up with a "oh no, he was fine!" instead of giving each other the benefit of an honest account so that behaviour can be addressed.

Glad it's not just me going through it. Some of my DSs friends are horrors, I find myself shadowing their every move!

Today I was looking after my friends 3 year old and he was punching my daughter (22months) in the back so I told him off and then he started punching me!

If my DS did that I would put the fear of god into him with my scarey voice and he would certainly lose privaledges dear to him.

To be honest, some parents appeat to have gone soft and don't have any authority over their children. Of course children will be children and all will do things out of character or with a bit of goading.