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Original poster

How many of you are not earning an income but still put child in nursery some of the time?

82 replies

handlemecarefully · 28/01/2004 11:38

I'm discussing the possibility with my dh of taking a career break and being a SAHM for a couple of years ( I have an 18 month old and I am expecting a baby in April). ...... until my youngest (yet to be born) is about 3 years old - when hopefully I might be able to consider some new career direction.

I have suggested that whilst a full time SAHM I would still like dd to go to nursery for perhaps two 5 hour sessions per week (eg Mondays and Wednesdays from 10 - 3 for instance). My reasoning is that this is good for her..and I'll admit, very good for me!!!!

He thinks that this is an enormously self-indulgent suggestion when I would not be earning income to cover the cost, and he is very sceptical that anybody anywhere ever does this. So I would just like to carry out a bit of research:

Do any of you put your child in Nursery for a few hours per week in similar circumstances (i.e. when you are not ostensibly earning anything yourself to cover the cost)?

OP posts:
mummysurfer · 28/01/2004 11:43

loads of people do this - as you say it's good for you both. also gives youngest the opportunity of 1-1 with you that eldest always had and youngest rarely gets

FairyMum · 28/01/2004 11:44

I work fulltime, but when I was on maternity leave with DS, DD still attended nursery fulltime. Very indulgent, I know, but no way was I staying home with a baby and a toddler. It depends if you can afford it I guess.......
For you research - I have a friend who is SAHM with one DS and she sends him to childminder 4 hours a day 4 days a week. Other SAHMs I know opt for these state-run nurseries (I think they are state-run?) which runs from 9-12 during term-time. I think that's a good solution if money is an issue!

zebra · 28/01/2004 11:45

I did, HMC. One day/week. To give me a break from both tot & baby, to give the baby one-on-one attention, to run errands, and to give the tot more stimulation than I could organise at home with the baby around.

StressyHead · 28/01/2004 11:48

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lailag · 28/01/2004 11:51

yes, well i do one night shift a week which does cover nursery cost but even if i hadn't i would have done so; to give me a break as well as ds enjoying it. there is a play group here which doesn't charge very much for a 2 1/2 hour session

officerdibble · 28/01/2004 11:51

I'm back at work now but when ds was between 4 and 6 months old and I was still on m/l we used savings to send him to nursery one day a week. It was a life saver - for me it turned what I was beginning to think was the biggest mistake of my life into something I could finally start to learn to appreciate. It's amazing what a bit of time to yourself can do for your perspective and sanity. Of course I felt guilty for a while (it passed) and (still am) very wary of telling people about it. I went back to work four days a week and one day a fortnight I don't work and ds goes to nursery. He loves it, I get a breather - and I'm really up for making the most of weekends with him. It's a win-win situation.

Fortunately my dp was supportive. Hope you can convince yours to be so.

SoupDragon · 28/01/2004 11:54

Me! Despite me being a SAHM, both DSs went to nursery for 2 full days a week from age 2. They loved it and I loved it. It gave me time to myself, time to give DS2 one-to-one attention and time to do those things I never have time for.

wilbur · 28/01/2004 11:54

Both mine go to nursery 2 days per week, when ds was small I had quite a lot of freelance work and so was bringing in money during that time. That has sort of tailed off for the last 18 months or so and I have not worked for money since dd was born 8 months ago. She has been going to nursery for the past 2 months and the break is fantastic for me. I can deal with household stuff, run errands and I have even been known to cook stuff in advance for kids' meals and dh's dinner. It is an indulgence, really, but I would be a hopeless stroppy cow as a full time SAHM and luckily my dh is understanding. Up until recently, my savings/maternity benefit paid for the nursery, but now it's coming out of dh's salary. I have some part-time work coming up so that will balance things out a bit on the money front, but it's still not a financial decision to send them to nursery, it's to keep me sane.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/01/2004 11:57

Oooooh I can't wait to present the evidence in this thread to doubting dh

OP posts:
Jimjams · 28/01/2004 11:57

ds2- age 2 has just started 2 mornings- when he gets nursery vouvhers at 3 I'll up it to 3 mornings. it's good for him as he's mixing with normal kids (as opposed to autistic ones)- atually I think its got to the stage where its essential for him. Also gives me felxibility. DS1 is home ill today and I can spend my morning with him without a toddler bouncing on him. He went from just under 3 as well- initially 2 mornings -upped to 4 mornings eventually (all covered by the nursery vouchers) now he's part time shcool part time nursery.

Crunchie · 28/01/2004 12:02

Your oldest is 18 months old, pre-schools often start around 2.5, and the government give you up to 5 x 2.5 hr sessions once they are 3 anyway. Therefore I think you would only be paying for it for about a year or so

If he is still a bit funny, find a gym with a creche Leave them there for a couple of hours 2 or 3 times a week and have a good workout or a pampering session. This was my ME time, it still is, but it is squeezed into my lunch hour as I do work.

mrcheese · 28/01/2004 12:02

ds2 goes and it costs
he gets vouchers next term.
i put him in in prep for ds3 really, dont know if i would again with ds3

Angeliz · 28/01/2004 12:03

hmc, i am a sahm and my dd is 2.10. I am thinking of sending her two or three mornings a week from September for her benefit. (and by then i may be getting ready for another. )
I would like to keep dd with me until as late as possible but i feel she is really READY to go off and find her own friends and do activities with kids aswell as mammy. Of course we go to play groups and she gets plenty of social ineraction but i really feel she would benefit from a few mornings with lots of kids.
I hope this helps

Tom · 28/01/2004 12:03

You'll probably find that most nurseries will ask you to commit to a minimum time - where I live, it's usually 2 days - 4 half days. They won't give places to children unless you commit to that.

I've found a nursery that is perfection though!

They've just opened, and are concentrating on filling baby spaces - so our 3 1/2 year old can go for as little or as much time as we want - we've booked him in for only one day a week, and as their 3/4 yr old places are not filled, they can take him any time at half a day's notice. What's more, they won't charge us if he doesn't go in on that day if we're away or if it's a holiday (most do). AND , they will take him to nursery school (around the corner) and pick him up again - it's like fantasy nursery!

Angeliz · 28/01/2004 12:04

sorry, totally missed the point that you'd asked about cost!!!(In a world of my own today)

madgirl · 28/01/2004 12:06

hi there, i know masses of people that do this particularly when they have a second child (like you). in fact, my ds is 3 next month, currently in full time nursery and i work full time, but i am pregnant and due beg of July and when i go on maternity leave ds will go 3 days a week. this means that for 2 months i will have 3 days to week to myself ( : o ) and then once baby is born, i'll have 3 days a week with the baby and 2 days a week with the 2 of them. we made this decision for several reasons: 1) ds would be at p/t state nursery anyway from september but i can't bear the thought of the 9-11:30 thing every day: by the time i've dropped him off and come home and done the washing up and given a feed (is that what you do with babies??!) it would be time to go and get ds again, and we wouldn't be able to do day trips anywhere etc etc etc. 2) I had pnd with ds and think (or rather hope that it might alleviate the pressure when i have baby 3) think that he needs better stimulation for at least part of the week than i believe i could give him 4) means i can have quality time for baby 5) didn't want to pull ds out of his nursery and put him into a different state-paid place at the same time as a new baby appears
i do realise that we are lucky that we can afford to do this- we couldn't do it out of just dh's salary but i have saved money this past year out of my salary to do it. i hope it works out for you

starry · 28/01/2004 12:07

I'm a SAHM and have 2 sons. DS1 is 4 in April and goes to nursery 2 and a half days a week. He has been going to nursery since just after his 2nd birthday when ds2 was born, although he only went for 2x4hr mornings until he was 3.5 yrs. When ds1 starts school in Sept, ds2 will go into nursery for a few hours a week. It is good for them and YOU. Having ds1 at nursery while ds2 was still a baby meant I could spend more time focusing on him as well as giving myself a break. Remember, all the dh and dp who go out to work usually get a lunch break etc. while SAHM don't generally get that luxury. I know that my day starts at the crack of dawn and does not stop till the children are in bed. Although I don't want to seem that I am undermining dh's and dp's that go out to work I really do not think they truely understand what it is like being a SAHM. Even when my ds1 is at nursey and ds2 napping, I am usually sorting out washing or cleaning or whatever, not sitting down whatching daytime TV (which is what I did all day throughout my pregnancy with ds1

starry · 28/01/2004 12:10

Forgot to mention - ds1 gets funding now (as all pre schoolers do, I think)and that goes towards the cost, but as he is at a private nursery, we still have to pay full fees for unfunded weeks ie xmas/easter hols and half term.

mrcheese · 28/01/2004 12:11

anyway i AM earning an income - Half of dh's

the joy of marriage!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/01/2004 12:18

Lol Mr Cheese - damn fine point!

OP posts:
twiglett · 28/01/2004 12:22

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bundle · 28/01/2004 12:22

handlmecarefully, have only skimmed this, but your dd's fees would go down in the term after she's 3 (govt's specific grant gives you 2.5 hrs a day 'free) - and we kept dd1 in nursery 3 days a week the whole time I was on maternity leave for dd2, it was bliss! also gave me lots of bonding time with no.2. I also have a friend who has 2 sons, her ds1 is in playgroup 5 mornings a week, another nursery 2 afternoons and her ds2 does about a day and a half there. she's just lost some occasional work she does though and her dh is putting pressure on her to look for extra funds....

twiglett · 28/01/2004 12:24

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dinosaur · 28/01/2004 12:24

My DH is a fulltime stay at home dad and DS2 is starting nursery two mornings a week very shortly (week after next).

GeorginaA · 28/01/2004 12:25

Yes absolutely.

ds went for one day a week from when he was 9 months old. I felt like the worst heel the first few times for putting him in there (and my mother kept telling me how evil I was and how babies needed their mothers which didn't help much, I have to say) - but within a few weeks he'd settled really well and absolutely adored it there. Even when he was very young the nursery would do lots of messy play which I never had the guts to do at home, so I think he had a lot of benefit out of it

It also gave me freedom for one day a week, which I'm sure was great for my wellbeing. It was lovely to have one day a week where I wasn't just "mummy". I'm sure I was much more patient a parent with him for the rest of the week, knowing that I had a definite break on the horizon.

It was/is tight financially without me working and I do often feel I need to "justify" it to people why ds went to nursery so young when I didn't "need" to, but I would do it all again and very much hope to do the same with baby no. 2 when they get to a similar age.

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