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Original poster

How many of you are not earning an income but still put child in nursery some of the time?

82 replies

handlemecarefully · 28/01/2004 11:38

I'm discussing the possibility with my dh of taking a career break and being a SAHM for a couple of years ( I have an 18 month old and I am expecting a baby in April). ...... until my youngest (yet to be born) is about 3 years old - when hopefully I might be able to consider some new career direction.

I have suggested that whilst a full time SAHM I would still like dd to go to nursery for perhaps two 5 hour sessions per week (eg Mondays and Wednesdays from 10 - 3 for instance). My reasoning is that this is good for her..and I'll admit, very good for me!!!!

He thinks that this is an enormously self-indulgent suggestion when I would not be earning income to cover the cost, and he is very sceptical that anybody anywhere ever does this. So I would just like to carry out a bit of research:

Do any of you put your child in Nursery for a few hours per week in similar circumstances (i.e. when you are not ostensibly earning anything yourself to cover the cost)?

OP posts:
roisin · 29/01/2004 13:50

I agree with jennifersofia - nursery is not essential for the development of social skills of tinies - but it is great for mums to have a break, especially if you don't have family close by. So if you can afford it, go for it!

littlerach · 29/01/2004 14:07

I was a SAHM and put DD in nursery 2 sessions a week, as I felt it would boost her confidence - it did!! I used the child benefit money to justify this spending (and DH's credit card for spending!!!). I went back to work about 6 wks later, however.
I will go on mat leave in June and DD will still go 2 sessions a wk, plus have booked her into pre-school 2 mornings a wk from Sept. This is when she will get vouchers.
I think everyone needs some time to themselves, and this helps you to be an even better mum!!!

thirtysomething · 29/01/2004 14:10

I send dd (3) 1 full day a week to nursery just to have a day for shopping, paperwork etc and I think I'd go nuts without it! When ds (5) was pre-school age he went 3 days a week as he was so curious and active and I felt I couldn't give him enough stimulation at homw with another little one around - I didn't work then either and it cost a fortune but home life definitely benefitted. There are loads of mums at dd's nursery who don't work - the only thing I would warn you about is that once nursery know you don't work they will send your child home at the drop of a hat - mine was sent home 3 times with suscpected hand foot and mouth disease when theoretically you ca only get it once! Plus if they've got lots of children there with colds she'll always be the first to be sent home even if she's not actually upset or uncomfortable as they'll try and look after the ones with working mums till the end of the day if they can!

aloha · 29/01/2004 14:33

I'm a working mother and send my son to nursery, but also agree with Jennifersofia, I don't think it is necessary for children, but I do think it's a boon for mothers. I certainly don't send ds to nursery for his benefit - he'd far rather be at home, but I need to work and also love having child-free space in my life, so nursery it is.

fio2 · 29/01/2004 14:53

HMC my dd used to go part time and now ds goes part time aswell. They love it and it gives me a break - well not really I rush around doing the shopping, washing, housework etc etc I dont really get time to DO lunch It is a luxury I suppose but the most extravagent thing I may do is walk the dogs!

Rhubarb · 29/01/2004 16:07

I do unpaid work on a couple of websites and have done for just over a year now. I've always stayed at home with dd, but last September she started going to nursery in the mornings (she's 3). I found that it was getting harder and harder to entertain her on my own and she really thrived in other children's company. So I thought it was the right time to send her, and she loves it! It also helps me out as I have a 7 week old baby and I can spend the mornings partly with him and partly working on my sites.

The nursery costs nothing as it's a state nursery so I'm not out of pocket. I wouldn't have considered sending her sooner as I couldn't have afforded it, and also I didn't think she would have been ready for it any earlier. She's always been a quiet, clingy child and when I put her into a college creche at 2 years for one afternoon a week, she hated it and still goes on about the 'bad nursery'.

Slinky · 29/01/2004 16:14

Have to disagree with Thirtysomething.

Not ALL nurseries send children of SAHPs home at a drop of a hat! My 3 have NEVER been sent home from nursery (once they started school - well thats a different story!).

I am now employed at the nursery and we do occasionally ring parents to inform them that child is feeling under the weather/banged his head etc etc - NOT because we expect them to be picked up - but we prefer the parents are forewarned before the end of the day - that way they can make the decision themselves about whether to pick them up or not.

Obviously if they are vomiting constantly/worryingly high temp/rashes then we do expect them to be collected there and then.

easy · 29/01/2004 16:21

I was a SAHM, and put ds into nursery for 1 day a week when he was 15 months old. The relief I felt was astounding. I also felt it was important because we always knew that ds would be an only one, and needed to know that he wasn't the only child who mattered. As he got a bit older I took on some freelance work and put him in 2 days per week.

It really helped because when I went into hospital last year he had to go every day, and by then he was used to it.

bubbly · 29/01/2004 16:29

hmc - would you consider doing a swap with another SAHM friend start with one morning each and then build it up to a day or whatever.Children learn to share, socialise, play etc. On your day off you get to go shopping go to hairdresser just read a book etc and on you day wiht kids you can do a 'nursery typr activity, painting, cooking or just go to park.It costs nothing and if they get on well wiht other child you may find that you get the break on both occasions!
I did swaps wiht one child, when I had 2 I went to a very low cost coop playgroup where I had to do a shift but then got 2 mornings off on a rota basis type thing and with three I paid for private nursery (but I was earning again by then.

I think we definitely wihtout a doubt benefit from a break.

judetheobscure · 29/01/2004 17:41

Apologies if I repeat what others have said - not enought time to read all the thread today!

Add me to your list hmc - all four of mine have been to nursery one day a week from the age of around 8 months to the age of about 3 when they go to pre-school 3 mornings a week instead. It gives me a valuable morning with no children to get all sorts of chores done. And a valuable afternoon with my older pre-schooler - giving him/her a bit of time without the younger one around. And of course when they were younger it gave me a nice morning being able to relax with my baby. Yes, it feels indulgent and would be one of the first things to go if money got tight, but I believe it has made a big difference to my children's sociability and their willingness to be without me; it has helped with their intellectual and artistic development too - they have done things at nursery that I never do at home. Plus - most mums are working 7 days a week, 12+ hours a day. Eight hours off isn't too much to ask is it?

sibble · 29/01/2004 18:11

I'm a bit late joining this thread but I too am a new SAHM taking a career break with number 2 on the way. DS goes to nursery 3 days/week from 9-3. While he is there I do all the shopping, ironing, housework etc. meet frineds for coffee and have friends over for lunch it my MY TIME. he has a great network of frineds, comes home happy whereas it would be very different if he was bored tagging around withme doing chores all day. Once I pick him up that is our time.
Other friends don't use a nursery but end up having cleaners as they can't do it all!! I prefer the time to myself.

twiglett · 29/01/2004 18:19

message withdrawn

bobthebaby · 29/01/2004 18:20

Oh Bubbly, I like the idea of a swap. Trouble is my best friends both have twins so I think I may end up really knackered when it was my day to look after them all.

roisin · 29/01/2004 18:26

A swap with a friend worked really well for us too. DS2 used to go to a friend's once a week, and on another afternoon I had her little girl, from about aged 2 I think. It was actually easier to have them both together as they entertained each other, and played nicely together.

Stargazer · 29/01/2004 23:00

Hi HMC - I'm a SAHM and have been since before my DD was born in Sept 2001. I also have a DS aged 8. My DD has been going to a creche ever since she reached the age of 6 months - a couple of hours and I have to stay in the same location - usually in gym (bar!!) but she enjoys it and I have a break. It's not at all self indulgent - it's vital. And I hope that DD gets a place at nursery from September this year - 3 hours each morning for 5 days. At that point I might consider going back to work

polly28 · 30/01/2004 00:53

I'm a SAHM and am losing my marbles.My ds is 16 mos old butI feel really worried about the prospect of leaving him at a nursery at this age.I plan on sending him to playgroup at whatever age it is they start (2.5 I think).I feel I should have done it earlier,get him used to staying in a creche or somethng,as now I'm worried he'll be a clinger and will find it stressfull.
Iguess what I'm trying to say is carry on sending her if she's happy there.

prettycandles · 30/01/2004 14:16

I haven't read this thread (sorry, rushing to get my Mumsnet fix while dd naps), but here's my position, FWIW:

I'm a SAHM, ds is 3.4y, dd is 13m. When ds turned 1y I started to do adult education classes two mornings a week, while he went into the on-site creche. When he was 2 (and I was 6m pg) he went into a nusery for 3 mornings a week, which he still does. Now that dd is 1 I am doing starting an adult ed class again, but only once a week as it clashes with ds's nursery, so they are both in the creche.

Having a break from the children is vital for my sanity! No doubts about it, and if you're taking a break from work you may need it even more because you are used to adult environment.

Your dd will benefit from the socialisation - it has been shown that children who go to part-time nursery or preschool do better once they get to school than children who have been at home all along.

HTH

Cha · 30/01/2004 16:42

Another SAHM here and my eldest dd has been going to a parent run nursery twice a week since she was 10 months old. It is important for her social skills and important for my sanity. The way the nursery runs means that I do a couple of sessions every month (just come back from doing one and aM exhausted) so I get to see how she is doing. Have a second child now and will do the same for him when he's older.

Clarinet60 · 31/01/2004 17:58

I can recommend swapping too.

Eulalia · 01/02/2004 21:06

Your dd could go to a 2's Group soon, some preschool nurseries run them which would be a lot cheaper. Alternatively try a creche. OK these wouldn't be for 5 hour periods but maybe that might be too long to start with. The disadvantage of a nursery is you pay whether the child attends or not, true also for preschool but much cheaper. A creche is very flexible. What about a childminder with her own children who could also take your dd to mums and toddlers groups while you do your own thing.

sorry if this has all been mentioned - not had time to read the posts. Have a great time anyway

Carla · 01/02/2004 21:12

Haven't had time to read posts but I certainly put mine in from 9.00 - 3.00 and then 9.00 - 1.00pm when they were both ready to go - too costly for both to go all day. I really feel they benefitted from it. And as I have a SAHM friend who has children the same age as mine who went to same nursery AND had a full time nanny, didn't feel guilty a bit!

TW · 01/02/2004 21:20

I read some of the posts yesterday but not all in detail, and I'm sure you've got the message by now, but all my 3 have spent some time in nursery as I have no family nearby and no neighbours to help me out, and dh is unpredictable at weekends (ie I don't know whether he'll be around or not) so it has been essential for me to KNOW that on a tuesday morning I can have my hair cut / go to the doctor / whatever - all these things that you have to book up in advance if you want a specific time. I did start off with a childminder but changed to a nursery a) because I felt he needed more structered activity and b) because it gave me a bit more flexibility - I could drop off any time after 8 and pick up any time before 12 or 6 and not have the hassle of having to let them know or pay by the hour. You absolutely need that sacred time without them anywhere near you. Sounds to me like your dh hasn't spent a full day with your dd on his own - does he know what it's like to have company every time he goes to the loo, or not to be able to make a quick phone call...!!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 02/02/2004 08:08

Dear All,

Thanks very much for your help on this. I printed off this thread and showed it to dh and watched his resistance crumble. He had to confess that what I was asking was quite reasonable - thanks so much for helping me persuade him with your experiences.

OP posts:
prettycandles · 02/02/2004 15:29

Hooray for Mumsnet!

Now starts the really hard work - finding childcare! Good luck

sibble · 02/02/2004 21:14

Congrats handlemecarefully. Enjoy your time.