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Original poster

How often do your parents look after/pick up your kids?

112 replies

charliecat · 22/04/2006 09:10

My mum will pick up the kids from school if I cant and bring them back to mine if its easier, feed them while shes got them...she does this 2/3 time a month.
She will also have them overnight if I warn her 3 weeks in advance she does this 2/3 times a year....although she did say last time she only wants one at a time as they wont sleep but I think thats because shes putting them to bed too early.
She will cancel things to look after them at the drop of a hat...
How often do your parents help out, pick up, look after your kids?

OP posts:
jenkel · 22/04/2006 23:47

I'm so envious of those of you with grandparents who live locally.

We are 150 miles away from both grandmothers, both our dads died. They are very hands on grandmothers and when we go to stay or when they come here they will happily babysit and let us have some time together. We normally manage a weekend away each year and have a night out when somebody is up or we are down visiting.

But it would be nice if I could just drop the kids off so I could have a hair cut etc.

But, I know I am a lot more fortunate that a lot of others, at least we do still have some parents around who are fit and healthy and happy to help.

hulababy · 23/04/2006 20:32

My parents and DH's parents both live in the same town and it is about 40 miles/an hour's drive from us.

I work in that town also and PILs have DD one day a week on one of my work days. They started having her when she was 5 months and she has now just turned 4yo. I think they will really miss it when she starts school in September, although they will get holiday times still.

My parents see DD lots too and we tend to go to them first for babysitting, so they get their chance to spend time with DD alone. My dad sometimes has her on the odd Friday afternoon if they are babysitting later on too, for some grandad/granddaughter time. Most baby sitting is done at our place, for convience, but she has also now stayed overnight twice recently and this will pick up a bit more. My parents are planning on helping out in school holidays also.

Both sets of parents would have DD anytime we ask and probably wish we'd go out more often!

Gem13 · 23/04/2006 20:42

Never. Both sets live too far way and are in their 70s.

My mother will come and stay with me sometimes if DH is away to keep me company and will watch the children in the bath while I'm putting washing on, put a coat on, read a story, etc. but that's about it.

FrannyandZooey · 23/04/2006 20:44

Mine have looked after ds for the odd hour, maybe 3 times since he was born? He's 3 now.

I wouldn't leave dp's parents alone with a gerbil.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2006 20:49

My ILs, almost never. They'll come and sit after the girls are in bed. They are in poor health.

When my parents are across - all the time. They even treat us to a night at a lovely hotel nearby w/brunch the next day whilst they look after the kids.

motherinferior · 23/04/2006 20:49

My parents live in Norwich and I live in London; rather to my surprise I realise that if we lived in the same town I would actually be OK about them babysitting or having the Inferiorettes for a little while or even a night(I hardly spoke to them for several decades before I had my first baby) but it's not an issue, given the distance. In any case they're quite busy and appear to be spending their 70s going on holiday a lot Envy (this has actually raised them in my estimation, as it happens).

DP's father died about 15 years ago. His mother was very physically frail and in any case died last year.

againstallodds · 23/04/2006 20:49

never!

BROWNY · 23/04/2006 20:51

same here, Never!Sad

Piggiesmum · 23/04/2006 20:53

Both sets are grandparents would love to be more involved with ds. Unfortunately they all live too far away to see him more than every 2 or 3 months. :(

Roobie · 23/04/2006 20:55

My mum looks after ds 3 days a week (I drop him off there on my way to work) and on those days also picks up dd from nursery and brings them both back home and waits until dh gets home to take over. I'm very lucky in that this means I can work my 3-days/week like a 'normal person' rather than a harassed working mum and leave as late as I need.

Roobie · 23/04/2006 20:57

Forgot to say, because of the free daytime childcare she already does we tend not to ask her to babysit or have them overnight - but my sister or dh's bro are usually happy to oblige for a special occasion.

beetle73 · 23/04/2006 22:32

Good opportunity to sing the praises of our lot of GPs. My mother and sister can hardly do enough. In a different town, but great for overnights if I travel for work, and I know she has a great time with them. Best thing is that they always reassure me. Unless there's a major crisis they always play up the positive, which is a great comfort when I'm in another country. DPs parents also great at supporting DP when he's alone with her - they adore feeding her good food. My father would love to do more but lives abroad. Count myself really lucky.

hazlinh · 24/04/2006 08:51

my saint of a mum looks after 2 yr old dd 5 days a week. and usually this means overnights too.

Blush i love her... Grin

but she does have hired help to mop up and do the laundry

Clayhead · 24/04/2006 08:55

Never

dublindee · 24/04/2006 08:58

My mum and dad are back in Ireland so can't do as much as they'd like.
DP's parents are fab.
Grandad sees DS at LEAST once a week anyway as he comes over for Rotary on a Tuesday in the town next to us.
He also comes over on a Friday for (supposedly) 2 hours while I have my driving lesson but usually stays the afternoon so he can play with DS. Big kid!

He and his partner will babysit for us if we give enough advance warning (both very busy in clubs and stuff) and they always let us know if anything is wrong.

Grandad is retired btw.

Grandma calls herself a "learner Granny" as she hasn't been around babies for ages til DS came along.

As a result she's gotten used to him over time and has relaxed heaps as he's gotten older.

She works fulltime as a fundraiser for NSPCC so is up and down the country lots.

She would love to do more for us but her work gets in the way of this.

Having said that she has babysat a few times and is now saying she's comfortable enough for him to sleep over nights which would be fab!

When Grandad babysits it's at our house and we don't like to get back too late (latest 1.30 after a wedding).

suzybow · 24/04/2006 09:07

My mum and dad absolutely dote on ds and would have him all the time if they didn't both work fulltime. As it is, they would drop anything to babysit while Dh and I have an evening out and have occasionally had ds over all day on a saturday - he is only 7 months and my mum too is a "learner granny" so overnight stays haven't happened yet - I'm sure they will though.

Dh's parents live 130 miles away and we only see them 3/4 times a year but they still gladly babysit on a sat eve when we are visiting so we can go out with friends - not sure I would trust them during the day when he is awake though - I suspect that their parenting methods date back to the dark ages (dh confirms this from his own childhood!!)

all in all consider ourselves v.lucky.

MeerkatsUnite · 24/04/2006 09:23

My parents are not at all interested in looking after my son and don't keep anything in their house for him to play with. My mum's main priorities in life are running around after my childfree and living alone brother, cleaning houses (brother's and hers), shopping and holidays.

My ILs are better; at least they show some interest in my son. It is likely that our child will be the only grandchild both sets of grandparents will have.

Eulalia · 24/04/2006 09:31

A few times a month which consists of looking after 1-2 kids while I pop to the shops for an hour. Usually they are plonked in front of CBeebies. They may take one of them out for an afternoon but not often. My dad is remote with them and my mum rapidly seems to be losing interest. The are in their late 70s but very fit. My mum was openly horrified when I had my 3rd child and told me last week she'd cut me out of her will if I had a 4th, don't think she was serious but pretty bad joke. Wouldn't mind if I was constantly asking her for help or couldn't cope. I've never left them overnight. She doesn't handle ds1 very well (he has special needs) and just seems to find him irritating.

katieww · 24/04/2006 09:33

My mum was so excited when I told her I was pregnant with her first grandchild - I thought I'd struggle to get any time to myself. Instead the opposite is true. She is nowhere near as interested as I thought. She has looked after DD 3 times in her first year - bearing in mind she lives less than 2 miles away, I don't think that's a lot. Also she never offers - i have always had to beg. Now dd is 13 months and being a bit more "interesting", my mum is more keen to have her. Now though dd is so used to just being with me and her dad that she screams for hours if I try to leave her, and mum won't have her if she's going to be upset..... However from reading this thread there are people in a far worse situation than me so maybe I should stop whinging??!

clairemow · 24/04/2006 09:37

I think I'm very lucky - my parents had DS last summer for a week while we went to the US on holiday - he was 16 months then. They are always asking to come and stay, although they live 21/2 hours away. This weekend, DS is going to stay with them Fri to Monday. We're expecting no. 2 in September, so I think it's great if DS is comfortable going to stay with his grandma and grandad (I think they are his favourite people anyway because they take him to feed the ducks!). Last time I had to have an emergency ceasar and wasn't too well, so he might have to go and stay with them for a few days. On the other side, DH's dad enjoys spending more time with him now he's more interactive and chatters away. He's never stayed there on his own though.

Kabsy · 24/04/2006 09:45

My Mum will have DD overnight if I book well in advance though very keen for me to pick her as soon as in the morning.

When I was working she had DD for three afternoons, and I felt like I was in constant debt!! I had to listen to things how she had no time to get anything done Shock - she is a very fit 61 and has been retired for three years!

My FIL hardly ever and is under duress and has to be booked!

MIL never as she lives in France! Even when we visit she never helps out Sad

Friends talk about parents and inlaws clambering over themselves to have the kids and DH often wonder why not ours?

Normsnockers · 24/04/2006 09:47

I am very lucky that my mum is retired and will often ask if ds is "coming to visit her and grandpa sometime soon" as she likes to have him overnight to keep up the close bond she has built up with him. Grandpa is busy with charity work so she gets a bit lonely anyway.

We take ds to her house in the country as she doesn't like to drive in cities.

On average she has him once every six/eight weeks all day Saturday plus overnight and we roll up in time for a Sunday lunch when we collect him.

Having said that she also has him some of the time if he's too ill to go to nursery so that it minimises the amount of time I take off work. She's had him for a 4 day, a 3 day and a 2 day stint already this year. I was ill for most of that time so I did benefit but not from a going out and enjoying myself point of view iyswim.

I know I am very very lucky and hope that she enjoys it as much as she says she does.

PIL are too far away and MIL scares me let alone ds.

HellKat · 24/04/2006 09:56

Never. Mum moved round the corner from us and only sees ds2 if I take him around there (never comes to ours). She sees ds1 a little more regularly as she has him popping over once a week to do oddjobs (she's 65). Used to always babysit ds1 when we lived with her but does'nt have a heck of a lot to do with ds2. She acts caring/loving towards him etc but theres a definite difference in how both are treated. Now that I'm pg again she does'nt seem to fussed at all. Sometimes even changes the subject if I start talking about the pg so don't bother really. Maybe she'll change, hope so. After all it's her that's missing out not us.

Bumblelion · 24/04/2006 09:59

My mum gave up work to look at my DD1 (13 years ago). She looked after her all day from about 8 to 7 three days a week. She then started looking after my brother's girlfriend's daughter (very confusing) who was 2 years older. She then started looking after my brother's son (now 11) and then my son (now 9). She started off looking after 1 child and ended up with 4, although not all day by that time as when my DS was born I cut my hours to 2 days in the office.

She has suffered depression in the past, more often since my dad died suddenly aged 56 6 years ago.

When my DD2 was born (she is now 4) the other children were Girl (12), girl (9), boy (6) and boy (4). They were all at school and/or nursery.

When my mum became ill me and my ex-SIL (well, brother's girlfriend) looked after each other's children. I changed my working days - my company is very good at things like that - and I paid her as she looked after my baby 2 full days a week but she didn't pay me as her children were so much older and they were at school.

My ex-SIL lost her job and her new job had different hours/days.

I enrolled my DD2 at a daycare nursery when she was about 18 months old and it was very hard for me as I had never put any of my children through a nursery before. Saying that, it was brilliant for her, brought her on - she has delayed development.

Although my mum is very well at the moment, my DD2 still goes to daycare 3 days a week. One friend picks her up from school nursery and takes her to daycare one day and another friend does the same on a different day. One of the friends also takes her into nursery 2 morning a week - she could go to breakfast club like my son but I feel this is too much for her.

Back to the original question - my mum is now living independently at home - she lived with me since coming out of hospital last April until Christmas. On a Tuesday and Wednesday she comes to my house and is here for when my two children come home from school.

She looks after my son on a Thursday afternoon when I take my DD2 to ballet as he gets bored.

In the school holidays, she has the elder 2 all day two days a week (although mostly my eldest is out with her friends and my son has a friend round to play).

They stay with her about once a month overnight but it is getting harder to arrange as they go to their dads one night at the weekend and we normally have my boyfriend's son once a fortnight the same night that my children are home.

Wordsmith · 24/04/2006 10:15

My DSs only have one grandparent now - my mum. She babysits once or twice a month (whenever we ask really) and she'll occasionally have DS1 (6)for the day and overnight. She is 74 though so any more would be too much I think. She'll look after DS2 (2) if I need to go to a meeting on the days he's not at nursery. She doesn't really do school/nursery pick up - lives in a different town and doesn't really know the geography that well. I would love to be able to leave both boys with her overnight so we could go away for a night but it's not going to happen.

I am happy about the fact that she has her own life and interests, meaning she can't drop everything to look after my kids, since my Dad dies 6 months ago. I'd rather that than her living solely for her family like my DH's mum did before she died.