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Original poster

Facing the passed and clearing out, i need to do it

70 replies

Festivefly · 13/01/2004 13:52

Has anyone got any practical advice i have a real problem in sorting things out. I want to de-junk. Everytime i go to open a draw to clear it out i see a memory of my x and shut it, i can't face the problem at all. I want to sort things out but there are to many poems, or notes or tickets anything really. I have tried to tackle this problem every month now, thinking i'll be ready next time i try. I never get passed the first few things.
I also haven't slept in my bedroom since he left, i don't even go in it. Any advice to do it once and for all without getting in a mess?????
Thanks i know i'm always asking questions, but who can answer them as well as you lot, creep creep

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Original poster
Festivefly · 13/01/2004 13:53

I MEANT FACING THE PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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clairabelle · 13/01/2004 13:57

Could a friend help you do it FF, then you wouldn't have to re read stuff etc you could just say yes and no to throwing out. I did this with MIL and she says she would still have the stuff 5 years on if we hadn't just gone for it. Dedicate a day to it and then celebrate by going out in the evening so you don't dwell on it. Could you redecorate your bedroom to help move on or change rooms?

JanH · 13/01/2004 13:58

FF, do you have a ruthless cold-hearted () friend to help? Someone who could go through the drawers etc for you, or with you, and say "chuck chuck chuck save"?

You have to decide before you start if you want to keep any of the personal stuff - if you don't then you can chuck without reading. If you do want reminders the job will take much longer. Sentimentality is a messy business.

As for your room - again a friend or your family might be better doing it for you. Once all his stuff is GONE you can start again. Get a stack of fruit boxes from the supermarket and label them for chucking or recycling. Big job but worth doing!

lilibet · 13/01/2004 13:58

Leave it for the time being. If everytime you open a certain drawer, you cry and want to phone him, then don't open the drawer.
Obviusly you cant do that with your bedroom, what about redecorating, or swapping with one of your boys?

fio2 · 13/01/2004 13:59

Awww FF - where do you sleep then? That sounds so sad I think just do it bit by bit - as much as you can cope with at a time. My Mum just chucked loads of my dads stuff in the bin.

clairabelle · 13/01/2004 13:59

If you're reall not ready to throw things out how about boxing it all to go in the loft, then it's not a constant reminder.

fio2 · 13/01/2004 14:00

I could be your cold hearted friend

JanH · 13/01/2004 14:02

Shall we help her together, fio? I can be very ruthless when it's not my stuff!

fio2 · 13/01/2004 14:03

me too and I have a fascination with burning things!

dinosaur · 13/01/2004 14:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

M2T · 13/01/2004 14:05

FF - Invite the girls around.... have a good few drinks and start clearing the place out!!

And the same for the bedroom. Get a crowd around, move all the furniture out and give them all a paint brush. Again have a couple of drinks first. May be get the kids to help too! That would be fun. You could let them splatter paint everywhere. Then perhaps when you can't live with the splatters any more you can decorate it all lovely again.

Do you think you could do that?

salt · 13/01/2004 14:09

I was going to suggest almost the same as dinosaur actually. Get a bin bag and do all the obvious stuff - don't think about it just drop it in the bag and do it the night before the bins are collected. That way there is no time to change your mind. Anything you can't quite let go of put away for another time.

I would do it alone though if I were you. I enjoyed getting rid of ex's stuff actually it was great to finally get him out of the place once and for all but I understand that you split with your ex under very different circumstances.

Original poster
Festivefly · 13/01/2004 14:18

Thanks everyone. I just physically can't do it it is too painful, i haven't got an attic or that would be my first choice. I know i would ring, as with each memory i forget what the nice man has done.
I'm just going to have to have a day of crying i reckon, but its like some mental block, i panic and stop. Friends is a good idea for my draws etc.
The bedroom is just a feeling, i can't stand the ghosts in there.
You are all so kind and helpful, if i do manage it i'll make sure the computer is on

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bundle · 13/01/2004 14:29

ff, put on some funky music to help you
one of my chums wanted to get rid of her 1st love's letters (not her dh, of course!) and I kept them in a box at my house for a couple of years till she felt she could bonfire them. just do a bit at a time, otherwise it might get overwhelming, little goals are easier to achieve and you can reward yourself afterwards with a little treat, x

JanH · 13/01/2004 14:29

FF, if the bedroom was a different colour and the furniture was moved around would that help? Or could you put one or both of your boys in there instead?

fio2 · 13/01/2004 14:32

why dont you give his poems back to him or his g/f? Janh I think that it is a good idea about the room

sykes · 13/01/2004 14:35

Fio2 - great for mine anf FF's book - send your love poems (or photocopies) to the person he left you for and ask her to compare and contrast with the ones he is (or maybe ISN'T) writing for her ....
Sorry, hope I'm not being horribly flippant. Just trying to cheer you up. Think you should send her some crochet patterns too.

fio2 · 13/01/2004 14:37

sykes revenge is SO sweet

oliveoil · 13/01/2004 14:40

Oh poor ff When I split up with an ex after 5 years I felt exactly like you do, horrid. I moved the furniture around in the bedroom and decorated so it wouldn't seem like 'our' room and dumped all the stuff in bags and hid it until I felt braver. I didn't open the stuff for about a year however (spineless jelly that I am) and I was actually pleased that I had kept some of it as he was my first love and I realised I did have some good memories. Even though he was still a 2 timing muthaf***.

Do it a bit at a time and it won't seem so overwhelming.

oliveoil · 13/01/2004 14:41

Just remembered. I also gave him his photos back but 'accidently' left one in of me looking v nice so his new tart would find it, heh heh heh heh heh.

JanH · 13/01/2004 14:41

crochet patterns?

sykes · 13/01/2004 14:43

Sorry - it's a bit of a private joke - I'll let FF tell you if she wants to.

Original poster
Festivefly · 13/01/2004 14:44

I am keeping them for my children when they are older. I love his poems. I wouldn't want to see what he has written to her, probably a poem called, the ones i wrote to my x aren't true i mean it this time. Or how i adore your zippy bag.

I have just organised a trip to ikea tom. for new boxes and bedroomy things.

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sykes · 13/01/2004 14:46

Hope that didn't sound cliquey - a recent e-mail. I'm going to have beautiful pictures done the girls (with me in the middle)where we all look stunning and happy and get the girls to present him with one for pride of place in his new sitting room/bedside table os that they can see it when they visit.

Original poster
Festivefly · 13/01/2004 14:46

Crochet hats is her thing and flares

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