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Original poster

should we pay for inlaws to have a holiday?

57 replies

chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:14

my dh wants to pay for his parents to go on holiday as it's their wedding anniversary. they own two houses, both work and go on holiday every year. we do not own our home, have young children and have not had a holiday for years. would you pay out for them to holiday? [we both work and 'our money is our money', he earns more than me]

OP posts:
DaddyCool · 19/04/2006 11:16

no chance in hell. no way.

coppertop · 19/04/2006 11:17

Nope. I'd choose a gift that wouldn't cause the kind of resentment that this one obviously create.

Wembley · 19/04/2006 11:17

No I wouldn't I'm afraid but what is it about men and their parents. We live in Cyprus at the moment and MIL is retired so can come out whenever she likes and my DH would pay for her fight every time if I let him. I am a SAHM but feel I cannot indulge my parents as much.

Socci · 19/04/2006 11:18

Er, no bloody way!

Wembley · 19/04/2006 11:19

That was supposed to read flight by the way!!!

Socci · 19/04/2006 11:20

He should be putting his children first imo - they need a holiday more than his parents who can well afford one.

DaddyCool · 19/04/2006 11:21

men and parents is a nightmare. i don't put up with any crap from my parents any more but it never used to be like that. I could never say no to my mother and they walked all over us until everything just blew up.

i know a guy who's wages used to go into an account for his mother. she would take what she wanted and he would get whatever was left for the month. crazy.

men have a hard time saying no to their mums. don't ask me why. i can't figure it out... but now I tell them to sling their hook.

CHICagoMUM · 19/04/2006 11:22

NO. I realise your dh wants to do something nice for his parents but it needs to be within the realms of your finances. I think men often don't fully cut the apron strings (particularly in terms of their relationship with their mothers) and find it hard to swap their sights to their "new" family.

coppertop · 19/04/2006 11:22

Does your dh intend to spend the same amount on your parents/family?

expatinscotland · 19/04/2006 11:22

No f*cking way.

Feistybird · 19/04/2006 11:22

Do they help you out loads or something? Just trying to understand why he feels they need a holiday over you..

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:24

thanks guys, the problem is that bf's siblings [who do own homes and/or no kids] have basically made up their minds. we have to contribute a set amount, bf wont say no and so gets cross at me! yeah, i do resent paying for them to have a holiday.

OP posts:
fairyjay · 19/04/2006 11:26

Is it a special anniversary? I'm sure you could do something for them that took time rather than money, if he needs to make this gesture.

I would not pay for a holiday if you are tight financially - and if they are caring parents - they wouldn't want you to.

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:26

fiestybird, they dont help us out practically, hardley see them [baby sat 3 times in 5 years]. they gave us some cash 5 years ago to contribute buying a car, mil is the 'usual kind'!!

OP posts:
fairyjay · 19/04/2006 11:27

Cross posted!
Surely your bf's siblings understand the situation, and if they're reasonable, will adjust your contribution, so that it's sensible taking into account your other commitments.

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:28

i think a party should be arranged for all friends and familly somewhere nice, it would be half the price and more fun...[dunno..maybe i am a killjoy] it's thier 40th anniversary btw.

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEstrife · 19/04/2006 11:28

chilliconcarne if it is a special anniversary
why not compromise a few quid towards a weekend away for in laws
or even a night in a hotel in honeymoon suite if everyone is strapped for cash

CHICagoMUM · 19/04/2006 11:29

How much of a financial burden will this be to you if you do go ahead?
Is it possible for dh to talk to his siblings about money issues, or is that something he wouldn't do? (pride etc).

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 19/04/2006 11:29

btw we are all chipping in for parents 40th and doing what I posted below

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:34

yes, pride, he would never! also, i think he worries about himself in the popularity stakes! i think theres not much i can do, he would only resent me for stopping them. why is it some people think they can only show love by splashing out silly amounts of cash? sorry everyone, just annoyed with myself and him!

OP posts:
CHICagoMUM · 19/04/2006 11:36

Your stuck between a rock and a hard place really aren't you. Perhaps you'll juat have to let this one slide, but I would have a talk with dh and remind him of his priorities.

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:37

thats nice, a weekend away is cheaper than a fully blown holiday, i wouldnt mind paying for that so much.

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEstrife · 19/04/2006 11:40

chilli none of us can really afford a full blown holiday and there are 5 of us chipping in

so we have thought of that or
a honeymoon suite at a nearby castle turned hotel

Nightynight · 19/04/2006 11:40

why does he want to be nice to his parents at the expense of his children?

if they were nice people, why should they ACCEPT?

no way.

interesting viewpoint, daddycool. I had lots of problems saying no to my parents too, who seemed to think they could carry on controlling me all my life.

expatinscotland · 19/04/2006 11:40

we're too poor to be popular in such a way.

sorry but if i truly couldn't afford it, i'd put my foot down, even if it meant a major row.

i think it's shit of his siblings to demand everyone pay a set amount. wtf is that about?

my sister's husband inherited a huge amount of money when his father died. such is life. she'd NEVER expect me to contribute to joint gifts the same way she can.