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Original poster

should we pay for inlaws to have a holiday?

57 replies

chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:14

my dh wants to pay for his parents to go on holiday as it's their wedding anniversary. they own two houses, both work and go on holiday every year. we do not own our home, have young children and have not had a holiday for years. would you pay out for them to holiday? [we both work and 'our money is our money', he earns more than me]

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Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:45

thanks everyone, i reckon i'll go along with it anyhow, and stop feeling sorry for myself!

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LIZS · 19/04/2006 11:46

Er no , I'd be pretty p*ssed off. Having said that SIL has arranged stuff in the past which was supposed to be a joint present (photos etc) and then not come up with her "share" of the cost at the time of reckoning. How about something the whole family could share in ?

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 19/04/2006 11:46

We had this in the past. SIL would decide to send her parents somewhere or pay for something then tell us what she had done and how much we were expected to pay, and it was always way more than we could afford. I put my foot down and said no. It did cause a row, but we couldn't afford it. End of.

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 19/04/2006 11:48

LIZS agree on that
we have had that prob with one member of dh's family
she is a royal PITA

expatinscotland · 19/04/2006 11:48

joint presents are crap unless you have siblings who understand you contribute what you can, not what they want. honestly, though, my sister would never expect me to contribute what she knew i couldn't afford. if the shoe were on the other foot, i'd feel the same about her.

in fact, i'd be happy that i was able to help my sister out rather than displeased about it.

people are f*cking greedy sometimes.

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:49

yeah, me ans my siblings have chipped in for stuff. we brought a tv, £30 each [btween 4 kids]. the holiday is nearly £400 each [there are 4 kids]. sorry, i must sound sooo mean!!!Blush

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LIZS · 19/04/2006 11:50

£400 each - fgs !!

cod · 19/04/2006 11:50

but i bet you parents dont want all this stuff! my dad always says he wants a " smile" for hisbirthday

expatinscotland · 19/04/2006 11:51

no, chilli, your husband's siblings sound mean. truly, wtf is that about? if i could afford to give £600 and my sister £200, i'd be glad we could give our parents that gift together no matter that her contribution wasn't as much. so what?

and if i knew she could only afford £50, then we'd find another type of gift to give them. simple as that. she's my sister, not a bank account.

he's got some greedy, tight fisted relatives.

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 19/04/2006 11:51

chilli £400 no way
that is just taking the piss imo

donnie · 19/04/2006 11:52

if you were wedged up then I'd say yes - but it seems to be the inlaws who have all the dosh in this case! so definitely NO!!!! but maybe they could pay for you folks to get away?

Bugsy2 · 19/04/2006 11:55

I don't think you should do things that you may resent at the time or afterwards. They have a tendancy to fester and become life-long bugbears.
Such a shame that your dh is feeling pressured into this by his siblings. There are lots of face-saving ways he could dip out of it and I'm sure his parents wouldn't love him any the less for it. Sad

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 11:58

i know, but he wont see it like that. if he says no, he thinks everyone will disown him for spoiling their holiday plans and putting a spanner in the works. he just sees me as being bitter and jelous because me and him never go on holiday...because there is always something else that needs paying for.

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CHICagoMUM · 19/04/2006 11:58

No for that amount of money I'm afraid your dh needs to stand up to his siblings (pride and all) and explain you can't afford it. Its not fair on you and your children - you are his priority now.

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 12:00

never mind, sorry for going on about my tittle-tattle. feel better having aired it out on mumsnet! Smile

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foundintranslation · 19/04/2006 12:03

400 quid? Shock That's loony. No way.

Wembley, daddycool, my parents are an utter nightmare, my ils lovely by comparison but your comments about men and parents conjured up a wry smile - dh and I have had many disagreements about (minor and moderately major) situations where he's wanted to pander to his parents at my expense.

fireflyfairy2 · 19/04/2006 12:13

I don't think you are talking tittle tattle!!

You need to say no way mate!!!

I would go mad if my DH thought about spending this amount of cash on his parents!! Again, his sister has no children and no mortgage so they could afford to pay £400, we couldn't!! FGS we can't even afford to finish off the outside of our house never mind paying for other people to go on holidays!!

Tell them to piss off! and buy your IL's a bunch of flowers.. after al 40years is no mean feat Grin

LadyTophamHatt · 19/04/2006 12:15

F*cking hell....£400 each.

Not a chance in hell.

Blandmum · 19/04/2006 12:22

Chilli £400 each!!!!!!!

No chance.

We have just had a brilliant family holiday for a week for the 4 of us for £450!

You and your famiily need it more than your PIL

crunchie · 19/04/2006 12:27

Well just to put a spanner in teh works her, My parents took teh whole family away for their 40th anniversary - THEY paid for 8 of us to go to Morocco for a week!! They are richer than the rest of us, and it was still cheapert han a big family party.

However in 2 years time my Brother wants us to repeat the exercise, BUT for us to pay hmmmm. Now I am not so sure, the holiday that is being suggested is £400 - £500 per family for accommadtion, Plus flights, plus car hire. eg AT least £1000 per family (even though we getto go) Do I have that money to spend, YES if it was our main family holiday, not sure if it is to spend a week with my mad SIL's and brothers!!

Anyway Chilli, I understand your dilemma, I think your db's family are being insensitive, BUT I also see why yor BF feels he has to do this. I think I would TRY to down grade the plans so it was £100 each

Original poster
chilliconcarne · 19/04/2006 12:29

how much would you pay? i know it depends on what you have but...
I reckon £100 each [tops, if people can afford] makes £400 in total which makes for a lovely weekend somewhere,dosn't it?
i wouldnt mind that.
how much is it for a nice weekend? isnt a 4oth wed. ann.really special?

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tobysmumkent · 19/04/2006 12:33

Chilli - hope you don't mind me saying, but £400 is more than we spend on our annual (which is never quite as often as yearly...)holiday! I'm sure that his parents wouldn't want to accept a gift that takes so much from their children/grandchildren? Can you explain to dh's family that you can't contribute but offer to cover, say, hotel stay the night before they go? Or cover a meal out....
Do you get on well enough with any of the others to have a quiet word, get them on your side?

expatinscotland · 19/04/2006 12:45

i reckon £100 tops. £400 would be a NICE long weekend away for 2. Especially if they qualify for concessionary/senior citizen rates.

tigermoth · 19/04/2006 12:47

I feel really cross for you. Surely your dh's siblings realise that £400.00 is a lot of money for you as a family. If you haven't had a family holiday for years and are bringing up a young family, surely the penny must have dropped? But obviously not.

I would really put my foot down on this. There are all sorts of ways your dh can do something for the anniversary and make his parents happy. Chipping in £400.00 for pride's sake and to save face with his siblings is so selfish. He is putting himself before his family.

If he insists on going ahead, I'd agree on paying some of the £400 (the amount you'd have spent on your inlaws anyway) then tell him he must raise the rest himself. He could sell some of his personal possessions on ebay, take in sandwiches to work, forgo drinks in the pub, new CDs or whatever else he considers treats, so you and the children are not affected.

crunchie · 19/04/2006 12:50

Chilli, if £100 per family = £400, that would do a couple of nights in all bar the poshest of posh hotels somewhere.

I am sure you could get a lovely weekend somewhere, depends on where you want to go. Bath is a pretty city, great for a weekend away, Brighton is good too and there are some LOVELY hotels in those \link{http://www.manorhousebath.co.uk\this} looks nice the Bridal Suite offers a champagne breakfast in bed, and DBB for 2 nights at £330. This one \link{http://www.thebathpriory.co.uk/default.asp\bath priory} has a spa and looks fab.