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Original poster

Spent night in A&E after falling with 7month ds in my arms-dp being horrible to me

79 replies

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 13:32

I'm feeling really shocked today, so thought by telling you all it might make me feel better.

Right here goes:

Ds has been ill with cold which has gone onto his chest. Went to drs yesterday and was given antibiotics. Came home and locked keys in the car.

I had ds, his bag full of crap, our coats and and a big soft toy rabbit in my hands.
So I decided that rather wait for my dp to come home from work, I'd walk up to my sister (who lives 2 mins away) for a spare key. Couldn't get pushchair as was locked in the car, and couldn't go round the back of the house as the side gate is bolted.

Started to walk and had probably managed to walk as far as 3 houses up the road when I stumbled, I managed to right my self but not quite, and I felt myself falling forward. I ended up stumbling forward and then off of the curb, I tried to break ds fall, but as I hit the ground he 'bounced' out of my arms and into the road. Luckily no cars were coming but he landed on his head.

For a few milliseconds I thought he was dead as he was completely silent, but he was doing that silent cry thing he does when he's really hurt.

A neighbour saw me fall and helped me up and walked me back home. By which point ds is screaming, bleeding from the bump on his head, the backs of my hands and my knees are all bleeding too(looked far worse than it actually was). By then dp had got home from work and went mad when I managed to tell him what happened.

Kept saying, why hadn't I just waited at the house, why didn't I pick up my phone from the car ect etc. By now I'm having full blown panic attack and can't breath.

We went straight to A&E and the nurse saw us straightaway and gave ds calpol to help calm him down, they gave him some more after 15mins, as he's still screaming. Then the nurse came and took me away to their staffroom and made me a cup of tea. To try and calm me down as I was still having panic attack and couldn't breath or speak.

Then the dr saw ds, and examined him and said it's a good sign he was crying and hadn't been sick ect etc. After observing him they let us come home.

I know it was my fault but dp is now being funny with me and blaming me. It wasn't until this morning he asked me how my hands and knees were, and then just said he's got no sympathy for me.

So I've spent this morning worrying about ds and making sure he's got no other concussions symptons, playing it all over in my head and generally feeling weepy and crappy. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
jmum6 · 11/04/2006 16:28

I know, I'm a bit of a wimp really. Right {she says rolling up her sleaves}time to stop feeling sorry for myself. It was an accident, accidents happen, ds is fine, and they can all sod off.

OP posts:
kid · 11/04/2006 16:28

can't believe they reacted like that, it was an accident! Of course you were looking where you were going and yes it was silly to leave your keys in the car, but it was still an accident. Glad you are both okay Smile

marthamoo · 11/04/2006 16:29

It was an accident. I can't believe your dp and your parents are being so awful over this. And as for your dp no longer 'allowing' you to carry your ds - well tell him he can stick that idea up his..er..posterior. It could just as easily have been him as you - accidents can happen to anyone.

Fwiw, when ds1 was about 2 he fell down the stairs top to bottom and banged his head. Dh (in panic, I know) said "what were you doing?" (I was with him and put my hand out to catch him but he was gone). I said "I was kicking him down the stairs what d'you think I was doing, you stupid bugger?" and he realised how unreasonable he was being.

Since then, both our kids have had loads of accidents - in both our care and we're much better at not apportioning blame (even when dh came back from B&Q with ds1's face covered in blood and as good as admitted he hadn't been watching him properly...I bit my tongue and said nothing).

Put your foot down here. Accidents happen. It was not your fault. Your ds is fine which is the most important thing and they all need to show you a bit more sympathy as you will be feeling far worse than anyone else.

LIZS · 11/04/2006 16:31

fgs it was an accident. I'm sure you were both pretty shocked and shaken up but he has to let it go. Wait until he has sole responsibiltiy one day and your ds has a mishap then. Fortunately it sounds like you are both ok but you need some tlc and support not criticism.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 11/04/2006 16:32

Oh, and if he's not going to 'allow' you to carry DS anymore - i would suggest the following:

a) He carry DS around - picks him up for all nappy changes, feeds etc (he'll soon get bored).

b) plan a shopping trip this weekend to mothercare/john lewis or wherever to look at really expensive and safe buggies and strollers so that you dont have to carry DS at all.

Pinotmum · 11/04/2006 16:33

I think as a new mum you deserve some TLC. It's lovely that your ds is so well loved by daddy and grandparents but you're not dead inside and your feelings aren't being considered Angry Tell them all to go forth ...

LIZS · 11/04/2006 16:34

and the fact you had locked yourself out of car and home was only incidental to the accident, not its cause , although that may all have served to bring on the panic attack.

Pinotmum · 11/04/2006 16:35

Tell him to get you a new car that doesn't allow keys to be shut inside - I have a lovely Audi and that would never have happened Wink

coppertop · 11/04/2006 16:35

Not allowed to carry ds??

I think I would be spending the evening 'sweetly' telling dh:

"Can you carry ds to the bath/highchair/changing-mat/cot, please. You know I can't be trusted."

A couple of hours of that and he'll be begging you to hold ds.

Sorry but he sounds like a pompous arse.

LIZS · 11/04/2006 16:37

love the expensive buggy idea , and may be a new comaptible car seat so you don't have to carry him in from car in his current one ... amazing how a bit of potential expenditure can bring some reason into the male mind.

joelalie · 11/04/2006 16:49

What a ....... silly man Angry How stupid and insensitive. Especially as he's recently had an 'incident' with DS himself. You need and deserve sympathy and care. Afterall DS is fine and happy this morning and your are not!! I can understand his initial reaction being a little severe because he was in shocked but not once he'd had the chance to calm down.... to**er!!! Grrrrr Angry. My DH has his failings but he would have been as worried about me as about DS - he was when I did something similar.

I would let him know in no uncertain terms that he has been an ar*ehole and you want an apology.

Original poster
jmum6 · 11/04/2006 16:55

lol the buggy and carseat ideas.

You lot have put it into perspective for me have stopped feeling so shakey and beginning to be just a little bit pissed off...

OP posts:
pooka · 11/04/2006 16:57

If he wants to carry your ds, let him. They get heavier and heavier you know Wink
He'll soon change his tune once he's huffing around with a 25 pounder!

WestCountryLass · 11/04/2006 20:23

It wasn't your fault! It was an accident!

I was pregnant with my 2nd and waving goodbye to my Dad with DS on my hip and my foot gave way and I fell two steps out of my front door, I managed to save DS but olanded heavily on bump. These things happen :(

misdee · 11/04/2006 20:30

right, your dp is twit!!

i fell over carrying dd2, i had to go up a piece of decking, my ankles went(i have damaged ankles) and went over with dd2 in my arms,she was about 3months old. fortunatly ok.

again with dd2 i lifted her over the gate. i didnt fix the gate properly so i went flying with the gate and fell on dd2 back. i hurt my ankle again. dash down A and E as i am hefty and dd2 was only about a year old. i wouldnt let go of her as was so worried i had damaged her back with the weight of me and a metal gate falling on her.

not once did dh blame me.

Original poster
jmum6 · 12/04/2006 10:50

Right, I had 'words' with dp last night and he didn't even comment. I explained how unfair I thought he was being etc etc. He went to put ds to bed (he does the bedtime bit as it's the only time he sees ds) and when he came back he was as nice as pie to me.

Didn't go as far as getting an apology from him, but he was definitly making an effort.

Still, it's propgress I suppose.

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 12/04/2006 10:51

Go out and spend an obscene amount of money on some flowers, he won't dare argue with you. Grin

AnnieSG · 12/04/2006 11:10

God, jmum6, I just feel like giving you a big hug. You poor thing. What a horrible experience.

PinkTulips · 12/04/2006 14:45

so glad you've sorted it out, and do make a point of saying something the next time ds gets hurt with him in charge so he gets some insight into how he treated you. men usually only learn by example!

oops · 12/04/2006 14:59

i have said to dh on a number of occ that one day something will happen to either one of our children that is an accident,
and that whichever parent it is with, the other one MUST supprt and help, even if it looks like it was their fault

nobody does stuff deliberately to hurt their kids (well, not most of us) and so we have to be together on this, and not waver.

Or one of us ends up treating the nother one like your dh is treating you Sad

BTW, ds1 fell last friday and cut his head open- 4hrs a and e and tapes and glue...dh siad nothing untoward about it
Hope your day is better xx

PutAPeachyInYourSimnelCake · 12/04/2006 15:45

Had he immediate;y screamed that and then regretted it understandable, as fear does that. However, my DH did that (on the internal stairs) with ds3 and it didn't even occur to me to get angry. Why would it? , accident.

hope all OK now.

MrsSpoon · 12/04/2006 15:52

Sad and Angry on your behalf.

When my DS1 was about the same age as your DS I tripped up carrying him, took most of the brunt of the fall myself, ended up with very sore knees and sort of glided DS1 across the pavement.

I still clearly remember the feeling and that feeling is punishment enough (not that punishment is needed for an accident) without having any extra blame attached.

SnowBoo · 12/04/2006 16:04

Well he should be glad you are BOTH ok. You poor love.
Big hugs to you and your ds.

Tell dp to bugger off. Any consolation my friends dh is exactly the same. Because he is of course so bloody perfect.

Original poster
jmum6 · 12/04/2006 16:08

Snowboo - Thats it exactly he does think he's bloody perfect. If only he knew!!

Feeling much, much better today. Ds is absolutly fine and we are all back to normal. Apart from the jokes dp's making about how mummy dropped ds on his head. I didn't see the funny side Angry

But after that everythings ok. Am biding my time until something happens when he's in charge - no matter how small. He he

OP posts:
SnowBoo · 12/04/2006 16:23

Thats it. And make a huge big thing of it!

Besides, my mum dropped my brother on his head when he was a few weeks old (onto a concrete floor!). Hes now 31 with a baby of his own so its done no damage Grin

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