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Original poster

Spent night in A&E after falling with 7month ds in my arms-dp being horrible to me

79 replies

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 13:32

I'm feeling really shocked today, so thought by telling you all it might make me feel better.

Right here goes:

Ds has been ill with cold which has gone onto his chest. Went to drs yesterday and was given antibiotics. Came home and locked keys in the car.

I had ds, his bag full of crap, our coats and and a big soft toy rabbit in my hands.
So I decided that rather wait for my dp to come home from work, I'd walk up to my sister (who lives 2 mins away) for a spare key. Couldn't get pushchair as was locked in the car, and couldn't go round the back of the house as the side gate is bolted.

Started to walk and had probably managed to walk as far as 3 houses up the road when I stumbled, I managed to right my self but not quite, and I felt myself falling forward. I ended up stumbling forward and then off of the curb, I tried to break ds fall, but as I hit the ground he 'bounced' out of my arms and into the road. Luckily no cars were coming but he landed on his head.

For a few milliseconds I thought he was dead as he was completely silent, but he was doing that silent cry thing he does when he's really hurt.

A neighbour saw me fall and helped me up and walked me back home. By which point ds is screaming, bleeding from the bump on his head, the backs of my hands and my knees are all bleeding too(looked far worse than it actually was). By then dp had got home from work and went mad when I managed to tell him what happened.

Kept saying, why hadn't I just waited at the house, why didn't I pick up my phone from the car ect etc. By now I'm having full blown panic attack and can't breath.

We went straight to A&E and the nurse saw us straightaway and gave ds calpol to help calm him down, they gave him some more after 15mins, as he's still screaming. Then the nurse came and took me away to their staffroom and made me a cup of tea. To try and calm me down as I was still having panic attack and couldn't breath or speak.

Then the dr saw ds, and examined him and said it's a good sign he was crying and hadn't been sick ect etc. After observing him they let us come home.

I know it was my fault but dp is now being funny with me and blaming me. It wasn't until this morning he asked me how my hands and knees were, and then just said he's got no sympathy for me.

So I've spent this morning worrying about ds and making sure he's got no other concussions symptons, playing it all over in my head and generally feeling weepy and crappy.

OP posts:

OddOneOut · 11/04/2006 13:48

my ex p new wife was carrying her dd downstairs in a moses basket when she was 6 weeks, the handle snapped and her dd was thrown out of the basket and bounced off the tiled hall floor, she was in terrible shock over it.

Pinotmum · 11/04/2006 13:48

My dh sat on our 3 month old dd BY ACCIDENT! The look on his face was enough for me not to over react although I felt sick to the stomach thinking she was crushed - he ain't small (and getting bigger ). Your ds will have a lot of accidents as he goes through life so your dp had better chill!

CHICagoMUM · 11/04/2006 13:50

I think you need to stand up to him and say how upset you are about the way he has treated you over this and that surely he can see it was an accident. You would never do something that could potentially harm your own child and if he can't see that something is wrong.

If he still can't see if from your side just direct him to this thread .

PinkTulips · 11/04/2006 13:51

fuck him!

sorry for the language but this situation deserves it, you were only trying to do the most sensible thing by not waiting outside but heading to get a key, most intelligent people would have done the same, you can't possibly be blamed for tripping (lord knows if it was that big a deal i'd certainly be locked up by now)and no one in their right mind could accuse you of intentionally hurting or endangering your son, sounds like you did the best you could to break his fall.

my dp did this for months with dd, every time she bumped herself, fell over of off something it was my fault. if i was close to her i should have stopped it, if i wasn't i should have been hoovering watching her!

the only way it was resolved in the end was through several major blowouts and by me very pointedly taking her from him every time she fell when he was watching her and saying 'good thing i'm not you or i'd be saying this was your fault right now' it sounds so petty but it did make him see how ridiculous he was being before things got out of control.

some men just get so overly protective of their LO's they forget we're their mothers, not predators out to get them, its instinct kicking into overdrive.

i hope you sort things out with him soon, maybe try getting someone elselike your sister to point out how ridiculous he's being and how awful he's making you feel

acnebride · 11/04/2006 13:51

Absolutely open-mouthed at this.

What is going on in your DP's head?

Can you get him to explain why his principal emotions have been anger and blame, rather than say worry and guilt? (Not that he or you should feel guilty, but if dh had a trip while looking after ds, guilt would certainly have been one of the things I felt).

Can he accept that it was an accident, that nobody is to blame, and that walking carrying your child is what 100% of parents do? No doubt if you'd rung him and asked him to get home earlier because you'd locked the keys in the car he'd have complained for 2 days because of the stress or something.

Tell you what, sign up to Wife Swap and I'll have him to live with me for a week, if he really thinks that you can predict and control everything, esp with children in the frame. HA.

Original poster

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 14:02

I've never had a panic attack before so I guess he didn't know how to react. He said we weren't going anywhere (before going to A&E) until I'd taken my inhaler and calmed down.

The funny thing is a couple of weeks ago he was playing with ds and ds fell backwards from sitting and bumped his face on a toy. He cried but was fine. But dp wouldn't have that he was at fault because dp had fallen and hurt himself not because he wasn't watching properly!!!

OP posts:

oliveoil · 11/04/2006 14:03

Lol at Ladysherlock.

Hmmm, maybe he did react in shock do I will give him the benefit of the doubt. However, he should now be grovelling and making you feel better.

But as for him 'not letting you carry ds' when you are out, fgs, tell him to get right off there.

I remember when my double buggy rolled into the road when I wasn't paying attention once, luckily with no traffic, and felt like a great big wobbly jelly all day playing things over in my mind.

Go and cuddle your ds and don't feel bad, we have all felt like this at one time or another.

tillykins · 11/04/2006 14:09

tosspot

Are you feeling any better? You must have had a terrible shock, its awful when your child is hurt, absolutely terrible

your partner is presumably shocked also and that is why he reacted like he did but he is an utter tosspot. He is being totally immature, juvenile and vindictive to behave in this fashion, he needs to grow up and wake up - he needs to appreciate that you and your baby are okay and it was an accident that could have been much worse

he should be appreciating what he has and being grateful that you are both okay

stupid tosspot

lionhearted · 11/04/2006 14:14

It wasn't your fault and even though these things are scary he need to get off his high horse and attend to you ....

Original poster

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 14:15

Thankyou girls. You are all making me feel a lot better. If he's not treating me better tonight then we'll have 'words'.

You're right, there will be many more bumps and scrapes and we both need to handle them better than we did last night.

OP posts:

milward · 11/04/2006 14:16

how awful - what a shock - be kind to yourselfxxx

PinkTulips · 11/04/2006 14:18

panic attacks are perfetly normal in these situations pet, i also never had one til my dd had a bad fall when she was 8months (tried to pull up on a coffee table and pulled the whole thing down on herself onto a tiled floor) i'm always very calm and rational even in an emergancy but theres something about it being your own baby that makes you react differantly. my dp screaming at me that i should have been watching her and it was all my fault (he was standing exacrly the same distance away!) didn't help either

tangerinecath · 11/04/2006 14:26

at "But I know now he won't let me carry ds when we are together. "

That's so unfair on you - accidents like these happen to all of us at some time - almost every mum I know has a story about how their child was injured in some accidental way like this.

Mine is - dd fell down the stairs a couple of weeks ago because I forgot to shut the baby gate and she managed to crawl most of the way up them. She was bleeding copiously from her mouth and screamed blue murder. I felt awful. I had far more reason to than you do.

Your dp is being an arse. If he doesn't wake up to himself then show him this thread.

drosophila · 11/04/2006 14:30

I don't think you will ever forgive him for this. Just wait, you will get your chance!!!! Even if what you did was silly you have more than paid the price for it. You need support and understanding just now NOT blame.

Original poster

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 16:13

Just had my parents round and they've said similiar things as my dp

Am going to put head in gas cooker now

OP posts:

LadySherlockofLGJ · 11/04/2006 16:14

Do people think they can walk all over you ?

Stand up for yourself FGS.

Blackduck · 11/04/2006 16:18

Tell them all to go to hell - I lay odds you parents did similar things when you were younger - they have just conveniently forgotten.....you fell over, you didn't take the child by the ankles and swing it at a wall fgs

threelittlebabies · 11/04/2006 16:18

jmum6- what?! Why?! What on earth did they say, and why were they being so judgemental and not supportive? Are they (dh, parents) like this about everything? Do feel free to tell me to bog off

spacecadet · 11/04/2006 16:21

blimey, tell en all to s*d off, sorry, but an accident is an accident, everyone is behaving as though you have deliberately hurt yoyur ds.
time to stand up for yourself.

Original poster

jmum6 · 11/04/2006 16:22

Parents weren't openly as horrible as dp, but did the 'weren't you looking where you were going?' and 'Thats a silly thing to do' about leaving keys in the car, disapproval instead.

Dp has rang me from work to see how we are, and although didn't apologise, did seem 'normal' with me.

OP posts:

LadySherlockofLGJ · 11/04/2006 16:24

did seem 'normal' with me

Gosh how terribly good of him.

LadyTophamHatt · 11/04/2006 16:25

Shall I tell you when it is ok to blame someone for an accident?

yes....

Ok.

when ds1 was 18 months old Dh got him out of the bath and wrapped him in a towel....all ok but he wrapped him up with his arms inside the towel, so he looked like a caterpiller.
Dh then said go and see mummy and off little ds1 toddled.
He toddled about 2 steps tripped over the towel and head butted the edge of the bathroom door,
resulted in inch long gash to forehead, a few hours in A+E, and pinning DS down so it could be glued together.

That was an accident....but it was Dh's stupid fault!

Falling over isn't.

CHICagoMUM · 11/04/2006 16:26

Sorry, but I really think you do need to speak up to both your dp and parents and let them know just how upset you are about the way they are treating you over this. Anyone should be able to see you did nothing wrong and whilst they obviously are concerned about the baby's well being they should also be supporting you as it is pretty clear after something like this you need a bit of bolstering up.

Greensleeves · 11/04/2006 16:27

I certainly wouldn't be "normal" with him. I would knock his teeth so far down his throat he's have to stick a toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth, the arrogant judgemental swine. You have had a terrible shock and have hurt yourself. He should be looking after you and your ds! I'm shocked at your parents too. for you at being treated like this! Anyone can have an accident.

Cold-shoulder the rotten git, stay on MN and let him cook his own dinner.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 11/04/2006 16:28

jmum6, how awful for you.

Would suggest next time he makes a mistake - and he will sooner or later, you are equally as forgiving and make sure you tell him why.

Mind you, i am very petty minded....

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