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new drivers

148 replies

manky · 03/01/2002 22:08

Am nearly 37 and what with one thing and another have managed to put off learning to drive. I know life would be a lot easier if I learnt but still have a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about lessons or possibly going out on my own in the car with two children. Has anyone ever learnt to drive this late? Will this sick feeling go away? Five years ago I was in an accident while cycling where a lorry almost crushed me.Not surprisingly I'm very nervous when buses or trucks come near our car (that's just when I'm a passenger). Has anyone else been this nervous? Would hypnotherapy help?

OP posts:
Ailsa · 11/09/2002 20:47

I passed 3 yrs ago, with my 3rd Instructor and my 3rd test, what is they say about 3rd time lucky??? I passed in Worcester which at the time had the 2nd WORST pass rate in the country and I had the examiner that had the worst reputation. When he introduced himself to me in the waiting room I didn't hear his name, I noticed who he was when we were sat in the car - his name badge was stuck to his clipboard, at that point I thought "I'm going to fail anyway so I may as well get on with it", because I thought I had failed before I started I was much more relaxed.

I also asked the examiner to move his coat, I'm sure he deliberately put it over the gear lever when he asked me to do my emergency stop.

threeangels · 11/09/2002 20:52

I think when your a actual passenger you tend to be more nervous when your not driving. You have no control of the vehical.

My mom was age 33 when she first got her liscense. She went to drivers education at nightschool. The only reason why she decided to get her license was my father died when I was 10 and db was 6. Otherwise she may have never. My mom is now 54 and is a total nervous reck still till this day. It kind of drives me crazy in the car when we are together. Shes just not relaxed in anyway which I guess stresses me at times. Sometimes it seems like she feeling that everyone around her is going to crash into her car.

anais · 11/09/2002 21:03

I am currently learning to drive too. I am hoping to take the test for the second time in a few weeks. I have been learning for AGES! Took my last test while 8months pregnant and did very badly - just did everything wrong, and knew within a few minutes that I'd failed. Not good. My manouevres (sp?) were my main problem (along with confidence, or rather lack of it).

After my test my instructer turned round and announced "Oh well, we didn't really think you were going to pass anyway, did we?" So that was the end of instructor no 3 I am now onto no 5!(no1 went because he was a lech, no 2 because he shouted at me, no 4 was just not much good)

No5 is ok, a bit weird (-aren't they all?) but we're finally getting somewhere...I think...

ariel · 12/09/2002 10:11

I have my first on the road lesson in 2 wks and dreading it,i have had 5 hours in a driving simulator which was good as before that id never as much as sat in a driving seat, i wish i had learnt years ago. I really dont think i could carry on learning if i failed 2 or 3 tests, or maybe i will i suppose thats a long way down the road yet, Anyway im glad theres a thread on learning to drive im sure i will be adding alot more messages here in the future, and good luck to you all

CAM · 12/09/2002 12:26

I must say I'm amazed that so many of us learnt to drive so late! For myself, I was taught by my Dad at 17 and used to drive a lot (accompanied) but didn't get round to taking my test till mid-20's because got married young, had child young, lived in London and didn't need a car,etc,etc.
But you're wrong Ariel, every time you fail it makes you more determined (although failing a driving test is very emotional for some bizarre reason). You just keep going till you pass, because of course none of us really learn to drive till we've passed and are ON OUR OWN in the car with no-one criticizing us!!

Bobbins · 12/09/2002 12:57

I've got my second driving lesson tonight. My hands start to seat when I think about it. Pathetic! I actually quite enjoyed last weeks lesson, but it was very basic. The instructor said that I was better than I thought I was. I was fine going in a straight line, but as I reached a corner it just felt like there were far too many things to do, and there were other cars. Oh why do there have to be other cars? A cruel inevitability! It feels like there are far too many things to do at the same time. At the moment it just seems so very unnatural to me.

ks · 12/09/2002 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Azzie · 12/09/2002 13:12

You're quite right CAM, you don't really learn until you're on your own. The evening of the day I passed my test my dad made me take the car out for a drive on my own - I remember stopping after about 5 miles, getting out and looking at the car and thinking 'Wow - I drove that here all by myself!' I spent weeks after that driving around town looking for parking spaces I could drive into, so that I didn't have to parallel park...

I think that all of you are very brave indeed to be learning now - good luck! I learnt when I was 17 (where I lived, no driving licence meant no social life), and I'm very glad that I did it then - the traffic is so much worse now than it was then.

FrancesJ · 12/09/2002 13:39

Well, I've just failed my second test (in an extremely idiotic way, too), but I do think I'll pass it eventually. Maybe it's all down to perserverance and confidence. It's amazing, but when you've failed something like a driving test, lots of people crop up who haven't passed until the third, or fourth time of taking a test. It's horrible to fail something, and equally horrible to not feel comfortable doing something that most people seem to be able to do, like driving - I think that makes learning harder - especially since it seems like the sort of skill that gets a great deal easier with practise. Maybe it's recovering from the blow to confidence when one's failed that's harder than the actual driving. Anyway, what a reassuring thread this is - and to anybody that's about to take a test, just don't do what I did and ignore one of those large red lollipop signs with a white horizontal bar through the middle

anais · 12/09/2002 21:11

Agree FrancesJ, you look around and see everyone else driving and think "If they can do it, why can't I?"

Bobbins, I remember feeling like that. Sitting in the car and everything feeling so alien and thinking "I will never be able to do this" I see where I am now and I feel I've acheieved so much. Hang in there, it really is worth it.

CAM · 12/09/2002 21:19

One of the tests I failed was because the test instructor expected me to cross a 4-lane dual carriageway to get to a small road on the other side. How could I? The cars were coming along the carriageway SO FAST that I didn't get the opportunity to cross for ages (ooh, most of the test time?!).... The official failure reason was "failure to go with the flow of traffic".

WideWebWitch · 12/09/2002 21:26

Good luck everyone and stick with it: the freedom is wonderful once you've passed and are over the fear. Although I passed when I was 20 I too remember being given the keys to my dad's car Azzie and being terrified. I told him that the synchromesh, (sp? - anyway, it's the thing that makes the gears work) must be wrong on his car since I couldn't drive it as I was only used to the BSM car. He said: "We learn to drive cars, not a car. You will get used to it." and I did, eventually. Remember that feeling of "I Can't Do This and I'm CROSS that I can't" though. Keep it up everyone and good luck.

ariel · 13/09/2002 09:38

Must agree with how usefull the BSM book called "Pass your driving test" , i suppose its obvious(sp?) once you learn how gears work and what happens when you change gears it must be alot easier to learn to drive, well i keep telling my self that.I have the whole set of BSM books which are Theory test qustions2001/2002, Pass your theory test and A guide to accompanying the learner driver which dh says is really usefull, mind you they cost£4.99 each but im desperate to pass as soon as i can ,i do hope they help!!!!!!!

triplets · 21/09/2002 21:42

Dear Manky,
This is a subject close to my heart, and one I usually try to steer clear of, I didnt mean that to be a pun! I learnt to drive when I was 35, not because I wanted to, but because everyone said I should. I hated every lesson, and would be in the loo when the instructor came being sick! Honest. After 20 lessons to my amazement I passed first time! I spent the next year driving locally around town, never going out of it, then we had to get rid of the old car as we couldnt afford to run two, I gave up, the Ford Granada terrified me. It was the worst thing I could have done. Now I am 50, with 4yr old triplets who have just started school which is too far away to walk too. Harry gets fed up of driving everywhere and has asked me if I will take a few lessons again. I WANT to, know that I should, would love to have the freedom and independance, BUT, I am terrified that I would cause an accident, especially with three children in the back. He says its just confidence, but I just feel I don`t have any. If I did, I feel I would want a female instructor who would understand, anybody know any in the Deal/Dover area? Wwe now have a Ford Galazy because of the kids, and that terrifies me even more! I feel pathetic.

Deborahf · 21/09/2002 23:47

Hi Triplets - know how you feel about driving. I passed my test in 1990!! And as I lived in the centre of London didn't bother to get a car and drive as the public transport was so good (honestly ). However, as I now have a ds with an active after school life and a dd who will do in due course, I do feel that I ought to take some lessons and get a small car. But it's frightening!! Oh well, I'll get round to it soon.

threeangels · 22/09/2002 21:24

Hi Triplets, All I can say is the more you drive the more comfortable you will become. All though you may always be nervous on the road like my mom but maybe you can lessen it.

Lucy123 · 22/09/2002 21:30

triplets - I know how you feel. I remember when dp bought our landrover - I was absolutely terrified.

But I made myself drive it and I learned surprisingly quickly. Now I can parallel-park it in spaces where some drivers of smaller cars have problems! More to the point you get used to big cars, as in many ways they are safer and people get out of your way. If you can, see if you can take lessons in a big car: as you are already qualified, many driving instructors would teach you in your own car so you can get used to it (possibly after a few lessons in a small car). It really is a question of practice.

BTW town driving is a lot more difficult than distance driving - you already know the hardest bit!

Ailsa · 22/09/2002 22:57

Don't know where my brian's gone tonight - but it took 3 attempts to read the first line of Lucy123's post. I kept reading 'I remember when dp bought our lawnmower'. Suppose I'd better go find my brian before I go to work in the morning!

SimonHoward · 23/09/2002 07:38

Alisa

Is Brian your DP or is it your Brain you were looking for?

PamT · 23/09/2002 08:17

SimonHoward, where have you been for the last couple of weeks, have you not been reading the Brian threads? How's the job situation anyway?

SimonHoward · 23/09/2002 13:01

PamT

I have been without reliable internet connectivity at home (soon to be sorted out by installing ADSL) and access at work has been hard due to the sheer volume of work.

As for the job, I am officially redundant as of the 31st of October and no IT work in sight.

I do have an 2nd interview for a security job that will just about pay me enough so I don't have to move house but it will mean doing an average of 56 hours per week and renting out my spare bedroom to equal what I am earning now.

P.S. try not to get jealous but other women have been flirting and offering to rent me (still got to get the prices from DW though).

PamT · 24/09/2002 10:46

SH, I thought you had sent me to coventry! Anyway you've had it as far as flirting goes - you called me mature - and I don't want to be, and I couldn't handle a toy boy. Maybe you could make more money as a housekeeper/childcarer than in security with all these mumsnetters offering to rent you. I hope things start to look up soon as I suppose DW's plans for another baby will be on hold for the time being won't they? Life can be pretty crap at times can't it?

SimonHoward · 24/09/2002 12:05

PamT

I'd never send you to Coventry, and as for you being a mature lady, well there is nothing wrong with that in this day and age. It's when you are asked if you saw dinosaurs when you were young you have to worry.

DW's plans for baby No2 have been put on hold till she gets down to a safe weight again. If she had been at that weight already she wanted to be pregnant by the end of September.

She was told by her doctor before No1 that she needed to loose about 2 stone and she did. Since delivering No1 she has got back to her old pre-diet weight and passed it. She is now dieting to get back down to the weight she needs to be at as she is still having to wear maternity clothes due to looking like she is 9 months gone.

As for renting me out I'd love to know what sort of pay rates people would actually pay for me to help out at home as I have no idea how much it is worth.

Rhubarb · 25/09/2002 22:11

I can't help but giggle at you two!

emsiewill · 25/09/2002 22:29

They're quite sweet, aren't they?

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