How do people's appearances affect the way you view / treat them?

[Socci]

This is probably a difficult question to answer objectively but I'm interested.

For example - would you be likely to have sympathy with someone / cut someone slack if they were obviously pregnant?

Do people's age / clothes / weight have a bearing on how you treat them or views you may form about them either consciously or subconsciously?

Honestly, yes, how someone looks does influence the way I view someone - I do make judgements about people. I think that's human nature. But does it make me treat them differently? No. I'm very good at keeping my prejudices hidden Also I've made judgements about people a few times and when I've got to know them I've been way off in my assumptions - so I really do try and treat everyone even-handedly and as I would wish to be treated.

My first impresssions are always wrong. I have learnt never to rely on them. I do judge people though, rightly or wrongly. I think it is human nature, as we all warm to people like ourselves.

Hmm - cutting slack for pregnancy I suppose yes - but it would depend what they were being cut slack for. I wouldn't let someone with a bump get away with blue murder if thats what you mean.

Age - well obviously that makes a difference, I suppose I treat different generations initially in slightly different ways until I know the person for who they are then I treat them as themselves. IYKWIM

Clothes, I guess I'm guilty of that too. In a chav avoidance manner.

Weight - well no not especially unless it was a dramatic thing either way and they needed assistance of some kind.

Wether we admit it or not we all do to some extent - its human nature.

Not really, unless they're very smelly and obviously drunk or high.

I put a lot of time into my appearance b/c it helps me feel better about myself and who I am. But some people don't feel that way or don't need to, there's room for all of us in the world.

As for weight, if I see someone really heavy I feel sorry for them usually. I've never had a weight problem. It must be hard.

Most old people, though, get on my nerves.

Before i had children yes i was sympathetic to a pregnant woman. Now i've been through it myself - no never! .

Ok but seriously, yes i form different views on sight, and will frequently change my views once i get to know someone. This doesn't affect my actions to people e.g. i'll chat to anyone, help anyone out etc but will have made assumptions that are frequently incorrect.

I'm not sure that i can pinpoint age/clothes/weight as a specific reason for my misjudgment. I think it is more about the behaviour of other person.

E.g someone being quiet - i might assume to be rude, until i get to know them and realise they are just shy.
And vice versa - someone loud - i can think maybe a bit ott personality - until i get to know them and realise they are covering up shyness!

Both examples are genuine with two friends i have made in recent years.

Socci - what an interesting question. I'm surprised that you've not had lots of responses yet.

Sorenlorensen - Nothing personal here, but, as a very large woman - believe me, no-one is good at keeping their prejudices hidden. I have met many people who think that they are treating me just as they do everyone else and for the majority of the time, I let them continue to deceive themselves.

expatinscotland - why would you feel sorry for someone who is 'really heavy'?

Can you elaborate, joash? In what way do people not treat you the same as everyone else? How do you 'know'?

We all stereo type dont we? Human nature and all that.

Books can be judged by their covers sometimes but i try not to

I actually warm to overweight people quickly because three people i've known who are largely overweight have always been the best fun.

i know that is totally stereotypical, but thats what we're talking about here isn't it?

So i guess my judgements are partly based on my experiences.

Another example is that Australians i've met have always been really friendly and good fun, so i'll make that assumption also if i hear an Aussie accent around.

Totally irrational assumptions, but spur of the moment decisions one makes i guess.

People always used to think that I was 'stuck up', until they got to know me. Then they realised that I was incredibly shy. Work helped, but I still found it hard to look at people around me, so I gave the impression of having my nose in the air.

i just do, joash. it seems like it might be uncomfortable, like on the bus. those seats are so dinky. or i see them walking around and many seem so out of breath and struggling. i think, damn, that'd sort of suck.

maybe it's cruel. i don't know.

having been disabled for a bit when i had a serious skiing accident, i'm definitely sympathetic to anyone on sticks, wheelchairs, etc. ditto mums w/buggies. that can be a bitch.

in fact, i met a good friend of mine that way. he's blind. and one day he was standing at a side street w/his dog, and everyone was just passing him. so i said, 'there's no traffic coming out' he said, 'oh, thanks' and told me about how his dog was trained to listen, but that was a wee side street off a very busy one so he may have been confused.

anyhow, we got to chatting at the light, and now we walk to work together 3x/week.

dh and i have 'dogsat' his and his wife's guide dogs when they went on holiday in november.

dh also takes his wife's guide dog a walk when our friend is away.

no i judge people for what they are like as a person, grew up with all of that as have 2 disabled parents people can be horrible,i have had it myself but not in a horrible way as such , because of the jobs i have had and the way i look i get treated like a total bimbo particularly by men and i probably got more qualifications than them! and im definatly a personality not looks girl when it comes to men am sure no one would look twice at my fella but i love him and dont care what anyone else thinks!

the really obviously drunk or high ones, though, i sort of cut them a wide berth.

expat my mum and dad both have guide dogs! but its amazing how many people will make nasty comments i think they think they are deaf and stupid as well as blind! dad is a retired lawyer and mum is a teacher so far from stupid

SL - People are so obvious without even realising it. I can guarantee that even though people are 'polite' to my face ... for at least a year after meeting someone new (Parent & toddler groups, college, university, work places, neighbours at new homes, etc, etc) I never, ever get invited to people houses, I don't get asked out socially or to parties - no-one would ever dream of inviting me out for a meal. This happens constantly - I'm sure they think I'm going to eat their children or something.

Don't get me wrong - it's their loss. I am not lonely. I have great friends (some have been around since I was thin, others are people who I've finally managed to 'wear-down' until they realise that I'm as normal as they are. I should also add that it is always the women act like this, men don't have a problem.

expat - it aint uncomfortable - it's 'normal' to us fatties. I can play with GS (age 3) we run on the beach, I swim, walk miles, work, study for my degree, etc, etc. I have asthma, which I've had since a child and it is now actually the best that it's ever been.

really joash? are you sure? i cannot believe that someone wouldn't invite you into their home because of your size. What about just playdates for the children?

i'd never met anyone w/a guide dog before. dh had, b/c he used to take reading at a special needs school b/c of his dyslexia and dysgraphia.

my friend is a social worker, nul, and his wife is a teacher. and yeah, it's pretty amazing how they're treated sometimes, and their daughter, who has CP. she's a teacher, too. her husband is able-bodied, though, and you should hear the comments they get!

the other day we went over to theirs for dinner, and she said she had another doctor shouting at her like she was deaf. she said she wanted a tshirt that reads, 'i'm NOT drunk, i have cerebral palsy'. so my dad had one made for her!

nope - doesn't happen. I joined a parent and toddler group 18 months ago, so that GS could have people his own age to play with. Took three months before anyone spoke to me, If I speak forts they are always very guarded. We'd been going for 9 months before I ended up with a 'friend' there, 11 months before anyone agreed to come to our house and 13 months before anyone else invited us to theirs.

'forts' should be 'first'

people are sizest!!fat or thin! you only have to read some of these threads ie slag of posh spice amanda holden other skinny celeb mums they are all been judged on there appearance. when i was skinny - was only 20 and it was natural not diet inflicted, i did some modelling and on one occasion i had some woman yelling at me in public it was my fault that young girls had eating disorders! she really upset me as i was conscious about my weight and at that time i would have loved to have had some curves. now in my 30's and would like a few less!

it can be for some, though, i suppose, joash. one of my good pals had a gastric banding last september. her weight was starting to cause her knee problems big time. she had been thinking of the surgery for a long, long time, and had to go private for it. so far, she's lost 4 stone! she has 8 more to go, but she's starting to get into walking, so i think she'll get there.

the other things is the assumptions that people make. I have never been failed to be asked if I'm 'cleaner' when people discover that I work. No disrespect to cleaners - but I've worked my butt off to get qualified and get the jobs that I have had.
Same with houses - the number of people that assume that we live in something bordering on squalor (people I have got to know well have admitted this) - they are always surprised when they come to our home for the first time.