Are you in love with your boss?

[lavender1]

Anyone really attracted to their boss, the chemistry thing?

no, but you clearly are - tell us more, give us the details!

I was, then I married him.

not any more, I married him. ha ha.

Not a chance!!!

No, she's a woman

And I second that Suzywong, details please, the more lurid the better

a woman also and a damn unloveable one at that

I third it. Dish the goss

suzywong,

I have been working for my boss for nearly 2 years; the first time we clapped eyes on each other was the time I turned up for an interview at his place; he runs his own business and the office is his dining room. I have been with dh for 15 nearly 16 years and we have a good time but the minute I saw my boss something clicked inside me; many a time when we are having meetings, just the 2 of us to do with work in the potting shed (he's a landscape gardener), we lock eyes and just stare at each other...he irritates me because he's a bossy old cow but many of my thoughts are about him....he's just got a new baby and he's unattainable I know but we have the gardening thing and irresistible attraction there and it's driving me nuts....I met my husband when I was 18, he's my first and only lover and I do love him but am not passionately involved with him as the chemistry is not...have said a lot...I know the response I will get...dream on I know but can't help this feeling..

lavender1,
you right it is utter chemistry, I bet you go weak at the knees from just the sheer smell of him, and you cannot stop thinking about shutting that potting shed door and ....

I;m being serious when I say 'chemistry'. It is a pheramone thing and don't feel guilty that it is driving you crazy, it's proof that you are a sensous fully functioning woman.

However, we all know that the consequences for following through your desires ed only once, the event would be loaded with all kinds of emotions for you that would swamp your every waking thought and make life as an employeed and wife fraught with difficulty.

I have been in a similar sitiuation, not with boss, and I afraid the cold shower and the secrecy of your own fantasies is the best option. Or write it down and make a novel out of it.

Don't do anything risky but enjoy the chemistry in a passive way.

suziewong,

I agree it's chemistry, it's also I am incredibly attracted to him, physically but there is someting deeper; we've both been into trees and stuff since we were 17 and I feel I could talk to him about deeper things, he is very modest and very earthy...wish I'd met him all those years ago...love dh but get weak at the knees with boss...tell me to stop being so wishful..never felt weak at knees with dh, he's fun and loving but I don't ever get the urge to throw myself at him as attraction is little.

not in the least - in fact could not think of anything worse...

eidsvold

what do you mean?

Oh lavender1
It is so so hard when someone comes along like that and opens up all your feelings.
I have to go and have dinner now and I don't want to just dip in and out of what is a real dilema to you, but is this feeling indicative of deeper day-to-day problems with DH? Would you consider anything beyond an episode of passion with boss, I mean a new life?

Things to consider.

Sorry, must go now but will keep watching your thread.

Don't even go there Lavender except in your fantasies. The pain and guilt would be forever on your conscience. No relationship is that perfect except in dreams and books, so cherish what you have got and put your energies into that.

suziewong,

How could I seriously start a new life? I am incredibly and irrestibly attracted to my boss but he is married, I am married and he is not going to leave his lovely wife in a million years, I just wanted to explain that there is chemistry and also the fact of being unavailable; but it doesn't stop the eye to eye contact, he is gorgeous and can't help my feelings towards him, I bet he doesn't fantisise about me in that way...what do you do....females we are so weak willed at times,

But you say he irritates you because he is a bossy old cow! Imagine this scenario:
Your eyes lock in the potting shed and suddenly he pulls you into his arms and groans huskily in your ear that he is overwhelmingly attracted to you and has to have you NOW.
Do you moan with pleasure, kick aside the pots, and let carnal lust take over, or do you spare a thought for his wife's feelings, and think 'poor cow' being married to this cad.
Next time he stirs your loins with his manly prescence think 'BOSSY OLD COW', and take control of the situation and control of your passion.
Then go home and play at some real potting with your lovely, non bossy husband.

I only say bossy old cow as am trying to say something that doesn't make him too favourable, to try and stop me from wanting him! My husband is military and can be very bossy, the fact that he is occassionally bossy does not make me shudder, I love people warts and all, he has a very caring, soft side to him, put it this way, I have cut down my hours to work only 4 days a week and he hasn't altered my wages (maybe he is lazy!), when I make goodness knows how many calls on his mobile he doesn't say anything, just local but a bit more than work calls, and when I have been really stressed and turned up ,late for work he has been so caring and thoughtful( ie. just talking to me and bothered because I am crying) guess I am deluding myself, just that he is lovely, please tell me someone else in same boat.

Norma,

I understand what you are saying, but you obviously have all the right things going on with dh and have the chemistry and the perfect relationship...it's easy to give advice when you don't have this problem, nothing can take away the attraction, thanks for your advice, any suggestions to liven up a chemistry that just isn't there?

Norma,

I agree with you about controlling my passion and if we were in the potting shed I should control myself, fact is if it came to that I wouldn't sorry...am only human and can't help being in love with boss, glad you are so self controlled...am afraid am passionate and it takes over...is anyone else so driven by this

Lavender,
I married my boss, and yes there was loads of chemistry in the beginning. But not a smidgeon now lol. I'm good at theory, but crap at making my own relationship any better. What I mean to say is that your chemistry and lust would not last if you were to make your feelings known and act on them. If you keep them as a fantasy, and pretend your dh is mr. bossy old potting cow, then you could well be still coming over all gooey with memories of unrequited love in the compost heap when you are old and rheumy.
xx

Norma,

Do you mind me asking why there is no chemistry? I thought if you had chemistry it was there for ever!

Norma,

Is it good to have continual unrequited memories of compost and things, I'd rather have the real thing, knowing when i'm seriously old and am only fantasising about my boss and have never got close to him will drive me wild in frustration...

There is no chemistry because we are both too lazy to make the effort. A loss of respect and heightened awareness of each other's faults, coupled with the guilt and stress of two broken families. Sad eh?

Oh no Lavender,
Imagine how delicious to be able to have a real memory of a perfect fantasy lover. Your eyes would twinkle without the dullness of memories of skid marked undies or warthog snores.
If your dh was/is your only lover then I can't really put myself in your shoes as I've had loads, but my experience tells me that men are not all they are cracked up to be. But I still wouldn't want to hurt one ever again like I did the last one.