Are you in love with your boss?

[lavender1]

Anyone really attracted to their boss, the chemistry thing?

lavender1, several years ago I was very attracted to my boss as you are, and he was attracted to me - very familiar situation. He was married with two young children, in fact one was a baby - I didn't have any children and had no husband of my own, so it was him who had all the 'baggage'. Well we are married now - many years later - and can I tell you that if I had my time over again, I would run a mile. Our relationship, while very strong in the beginning, has been to hell and back, we've had countless problems due to his ex-wife and children, many differences of opinion because of his past and because of the circumstances it has brought about, and now we are having quite serious problems with one of his children (who is now grown up). It never goes away... it's like your past sins follow you, if I can be so blunt. And the irresistable chemistry - GONE. I know it looks SOOO tempting right now, but like most relationships, it ain't going to stay that way. Our attraction was incredible in the beginning too but a lot of hurt has been caused over the years and you end up realising that it probably wasn't worth it after all.

Sorry - but I don't think I would be entertaining the idea of getting involved with him unless you are totally prepared for what may happen.

I'm going to moralise - which is probably not a good tactic because you may switch off and dismiss me. Firstly, although you say you will keep it in the realms of fantasy, I think you are sorely tempted and who knows when in a moment of weakness your or he might cross that line. I think the responsible thing would be to remove yourself from the situation and find another job.

Secondly - he has just had a new baby. Think of that baby - it deserves a mother and a father...Often relationships are at their most strained after the arrival of a new baby, and they don't benefit from outside interference.

Sorry for the straight talking, but I feel strongly about this sort of thing.

Would NEVER cross that line, reading what people have said, he irritates me after a while and will not find another job because nothing will happen. I would run a mile if he did suggest anything (which he wouldn't) as we are work colleagues but couldn't imagine or want any more than that. I can't help the attraction but that is ALL it is just 2 people quite similar. Know I said would be tempted just kidding myself..dh and I have one hell of a time together and spend a lot of time together..Boss is a workaholic and sleeps on the sofa and then goes to bed mid morning, had done since young says Dad, that would drive me nuts...Thanks for removing my blinkers...just really needed to talk about this as has been on my mind a lot and thought was going mad...Am not, you've been a great help...if any other threads arrive and I have experience I'll do the same for anyone who asks

Lavendar1,

Pleased to hear that everyone's responses (admittedly most other people have been more helpful than moralising old me!)have helped sort things out in your mind and cleared your head.

Take care,

I agree with HMC!

But to add a touch of "reality"

Imagine the situation. You are both alone in that potting shed. A gentle sprinkling of snow the night before means that the garden looks like a winter wonderland. The sky is blue and the sun is shining, the snow is sparkling. You are leaning over his desk, looking at some seeds when suddenly he stands up, grasps you to his manly chest and stuffs his tongue down your throat. The moment of your dreams has arrived. Unfortunately, he spent last night on the couch, so his mouth is not alpine fresh, but you are prepared to overlook this as he starts to fondle your breasts. Your nipples are standing up like chapel hat pegs and you moan as he unbuttons your top and puts his hands inside. You groan and head south, unzipping his flies and thrusting your hand into a veritable unpruned bush of pubic hair. You have never seen so much of the stuff and groping desperately through it, finally locate what appears to be a very hard...walnut.

In the meantime, he has unhooked your Wonderbra and is gazing in silence at those perky nipples - seductively framed by a ring of wiry black hairs (after so long with your husband, and not anticipating passion in the potting shed you have been a bit laxing in your, ahem, personal grooming).

You suddenly remember your Bristly Brazilian (waxed by a trainee, it looked more like a Mexican hairless when you had it done) and thank heaven that he hasn't discovered this.

There is also an odd odour to the room - sweat and stale wee, which you realise is emanating from his shreddies. Passion has fled. All you are feeling now is embarrassment and a slight touch of nausea.

"I don't know what came over me," he says as he hastily stuffs your breasts back into your bra, catching a bit of loose (post breatfeeding!) skin in the clasp. "Me neither," you mumble. The walnut has since taken refuge in the preponderance of pubes and is nowhere to be seen (or felt).

He goes back to his seeds. You go back to your compost. Being a man, he is quite unaware of his inadequacy on the penis front - no woman has ever said to him that there was nothing she could usefully do with something so small. All he can think about is those hairy nips. And after wondering if you should write to the Guinness Book of records, this is all you can think about as well...

Sorry! I am sure you are a perfectly groomed and toned size 10! But if not, replace hairs with stretchmarks!

And get started on that novel

Message withdrawn

tanzie, you are f-- hilarious, am just an ape, is this the way you would like boss scenario to go, I would involve much more eye contact and definetely more sensuality...you've had a few?, or possibly not, have hairy bottom (as if), I much prefer the talking, gazing and much more gazing and then mad passionate kissing (my idea of heaven)...Do you write Mills and Boons?

You must be itching to write this or do this!, or just plain silly, I am a size 8, as if, my younger sister same height as me and 3 stone lighter, am pleasantly plump and happy (size 16 actually)...where do you get this stuff from?

kissesxx

Lavender, not drunk (only had one beer tonight with the dreaded turkey curry!), but have an overactive imagination. A frustrated novelist? Would like to write "properly" but have not got the energy to get started (excuses excuses). Think I would aim a bit higher up the food chain than Mills & Boon. Don't think I could write romance or porn without having minor hysterics every few minutes.

No, would not be into gazing and talking. My last boss (??!!???) described me as a "tongues or nothing girl" (we were discussing social kissing.
at the time...which I don't do).

Neither hairy bottom nor nips but spent long time in Eastern Europe seeing lots of strippers being the "cabaret" in dodgy night clubs and restaurants, so have seen more naked "real" women, through a vodka haze than I've had hot dinners! My wild and mis-spent youth...sniff...

"tongues or nothing girl", did he fancy you? Sorry to assume drunk just that very open verse some people on site aren't so open (present company not included). Seriously do you have a dream of writing passionate stories and things?

Did he? I don't know...can never tell. There was definitely some chemistry there though. Am trying to write a novel but a bit stuck (and spending too much time on Mumsnet when I could be writing...

I still see a lot of him, we got out for dinner and drinks quite often

What are you stuck with, do you find it hard to think up a plot, characters and things? When you're a mum I find that come 7 o'clock when the children are upstairs that have little energy left to start using brain, so have only got as far as a few really bad intros about a page long...If you don't mind me asking is it a big dream of yours as my ambition is to write a novel but never do, perhaps we could compare notes..it's like I can see the novel written but don't know what the hell to write about...also I failed English Lit. O-level twice as took too long to get pen onto paper...How have your attempts at novel writing gone so far, you seem very expressive, do you ever write things..

My elder sister who is very much onto this kind of thing steared me away from Writer's Bureau course, for 1: is very expensive and 2: lots of things to do under instruction...You know she said the best way to write is to just write whenever you can about anything and read a lot..

perhaps ought to start a new thread " Any mumsnets write or want to write books, how do you do it?

I've got the plot and the characters and the whole thing mapped out. I've done chapter one and most of chapter two. The problem is motivation and tiredness. I do an evening class once a week and also edit and write most of the articles for our office in-house newsletter (rather pretentiously called a magazine!) - jointly with ex boss (who has read plot of novel and said I will probably get sacked if I ever finish it and find a publisher!). Glad to see you are O level generation too
I got an A in O level English language (she says smugly!) but loathed English lit, which to me ruined perfectly good books by dissecting them. I was "pushed" as a young child (could read at three, count to ten in three other languages - the sort of child that makes me want to puke now!), which didn't work...the 9% in my maths O level mock at age 13 finished me off and I put in no further effort at all. Did reasonably well in O levels but completely bombed in A levels...twice, and didn't want to do anything "worky" again.

We could combine our names as an author and become Lavender Tanzie - has a real Mills & Boon ring to it don't you think?

We've got off the plot a bit about you and your boss now, haven't we?!

yes, I could write very intimate relation things (the man/woman attraction thing), but whenever I read a book there are so many characters, twists etc. How could you involve a gardener in a storyline, other than the going to work and doing over people's gardens, plots and storylines are not my strong point, the Mayor of Casterbridge kind of thinking comes to mind but am not that skillfull, have you been writing for long?

i just have to say lady chatterly at this point. haven't read but Sean Bean in the garden did something for me.
I had to butt in to say I was an A for eng. lang & U for lit. girl, so identified a bit there. Sorry too lazy to write properly tho.
All the best...

help, can't get boss out of my head...he is goorrrrgeoouss

never said this, message deleted sorry.don't know what came over me really.

Too late - we've all read it!

God no. My boss is David Brent.

lol Lavendar1 - Just sleep with him and get it out of your system! You only want him coz you can't have him.... so have him.... then you won't want him.

Lavender1 - remember the walnut -reread my previous post....

???? tanzie

M2T, what do you mean sleep with him, impossible, he's married, me too just really attracted to his whole being. (not just physical attraction)

L1 - scroll down to reread my 29 December post to remind yourself why you shouldn't!

Lavendar1 - Sorry.... I wasn't being facetious (sp?). I have found that the theory has worked for me in the past (waaaayyyy before kids & marriage). A man you are incredibly attracted to from afar can suddenly seem not so attractive when they reciprocate the feelings.
Sometimes it's best to leave things as this fantasy...

I wasn't suggesting you have an affair..... sorry it didn't come across as 'joky' as it was meant.