Autism...?

[Hawkmoon269]

It's very important that I start by saying that I'm not trying to upset anyone or cause any offence. Please don't read anything into my question that's not there!

But aibu to not understand why so many people on mn seem to have children who are autistic or on the autistic spectrum?

I have 2 (young) children. One is at a large state primary school. Neither have any friends or classmates who are autistic. None of our family friends are. None of my dc's friend's siblings are. We go to lots of groups (all inclusive things ) and no autistic children (or siblings that I know of). In my student days I nannied for a boy with aspergers. That's it - my sum total of people I know/ have met with children affected.

I've met lots of children with other sn, but it feels like on mn every other poster has a child on the autistic spectrum.

As I understand it, the definition isn't too clear with very high functioning autism (ie people "on the scale" but only just. That was my understanding from about 10 years ago - I'm sure research has moved on since then!

Anyway, not trying to be controversial - just genuinely curious. What do you think?

I only know 2 children with ASD. One of them happens to be DD2.

I think it gets mentioned in passing conversation to explain why something is happening. Or when asking advice about something it is relevant.

I also don't think it necessary to keep it a secret or only mention it on the SN board.

My son has Asperger's. In his year 6 class of 12 ( in a small primary school) 3 of the 7 boys were on the Autistic spectrum ( and peculiarily, all had the same name!) There's a lot of us about

Has your curiosity been allayed?

And yes Dinah. Thats how i read the op.

Or maybe they should wear a nice obvious badge. So at least you'd know who had ASD. Would that make things easier?

mince nope - my question was as it states in the op. it's been answered pretty well by lots of people.

For the posters who shared a little of your family life - thank you.
For the posters who jumped down my throat and thought I was in some way attacking children with sn or their parents... I wasn't. And I'm sorry that that was your immediate assumption.

I don't think I've seen a thread where ASD has been mention not in context with the topic. Can you imagine. Food: What can I cook with a coconut (BTW my DS has ASD).

I have a son with autism, and only ever mention it if appropriate to the thread, why would you do otherwise?

And I found MN because of the SN forum, took me a few months to venture out to the other boards on here, and I rarely post on SN now.

The reason parents of ASD/SN children often mention in in an unrelated topic is that its a totally different way of life then parenting a NT child.

I have 5dc. Ds 4th dc,is harder work&more time consuming then all his siblings put together.

We are often isolated socially, so forums like MN are a way of interacting with other adults.

I would only mention my ds disabilities in RL if there was a need...its to difficult to explain to other parents every time i pop to the park or go shopping.

taggie why so aggressive?! Seriously? I was just WONDERING. That's all! Good grief. I'm going to ask for this thread to be pulled. There's some scary people online tonight!

Because people with autistic kids are often isolated so post online for contact maybe?

We have 6 weeks of summer holidays ahead of us. We're meeting some friends tomorrow while ds1 is at respite. We're meeting a friend who also has a severely autistic child in August, and I'm meeting another friend with a severely autistic child sometime during the 6 weeks. Oh and I'm going to SN BBQ in a few weeks time. That's it - that's the only people we're seeing over the next however many weeks. We can't sit and socialise with NT families very easily so we do it rarely.

So over the summer I'll probably be on here for social contact.

I expect there are some you don't know about. There's an autistic child in ds3's class that I spotted within two minutes of meeting him (as did dh after meeting him on a separate occasion). Most of the other parents didn't notice.

Because a medical diagnosis is confidential - how many dc in your dc's school are asthmatic/allergic to nuts/haven't had chicken pox/had the MMR etc?

Unless you've spent many years working with many people on many parts of the spectrum, i very much doubt you'd have any idea who is and isn't on there. And even then you'll be right 50% of the time if you're lucky.

oh come on, some of you are being unfair to the OP.

OP, what may seem irrelevant to you may seem very relevant to the person posting. Unless you live with a child with ASD it can't really know how it affects them/their family and how relevant it can be to subjects otherwise mundane!

Because that is how i read it.

Because that is what some people think.

And because I get tired of explaining.

Eclecticshock makes a very good point.
I thought i didn't know anyone with an aggressive or controlling dh/dp. Having been on here a while I now know that this is not something I would necessarily know.

People post on here about wondering if it is worth getting their DH or themselves diagnosed. They have lived together not initially recognising ASD traits but awareness of the condition makes them understand behaviours which for years they thought were quirks.

I think your question may well have been neutral.

But the answers you have been given hopefully allow you to recognise that you simply wouldn't know if your Childs classmates had asd. And allows you to recognise tat people talk on here about their dc because it is a parenting forum so why wouldn't they?

wow, i never saw anything get moved INTO aibu before

I just spluttered.

About 3 years ago I vaguely wondered something similar (the OP, not all the weird stuff about people randomly posting that their child has ASD while discussing shoe colours).

I learnt a lot about ASD. How interesting I thought.

Then it turned out my DS has fairly severe autism. You could have blown me down with a feather.

Shelly, saintly and purple - thank you. That's the sort of answer that makes sense. Turns out I don't know how to report the thread so have reported a post and hope mnhq intervenes!

Again, thank you to the helpful posters. I really appreciate your replies.

I found Mumsnet when doing a search about autism ( cos of DS2) and hav,e been here ever since.

scary?

ask yourself how far a parent with a DC with ASD has to go to be heard, due to it being a hidden disability, ask the same questions again, but as if YOU are the parent

then you'll see how scary it is

I don't think I've seen a thread where ASD has been mention not in context with the topic. Can you imagine. Food: What can I cook with a coconut (BTW my DS has ASD).

Actually, what can I cook as my son has Aspergers and won't eat
anything in a sauce, so no casseroles, pies, stews,
anything with a strong flavour,
any vegetables
any fruit
anything that might touch anything else on the plate

This is something I have wondered about as well and I echo the OP in thanking the posters who have helped me to understand better.

Pag great post.

Oh I wouldn't definitely have mentioned DS1 on a menu planning thread in the past, as he used to eat no meat, no fish, no eggs, no cheese, no fruit, no vegetables, no chips, no yoghurts - so the fact he had ASD was fairly relevant when trying to work out wtf I could cook.

Now he eats everything except bananas so I wouldn't mention it.

BTW ds3 who has spent his whole life sharing his house with his severely autistic bother has totally failed to notice that his best friend at school is autistic. And fairly obviously so imo. DS2 who is three years older spots kids on the spectrum pretty quickly, but ds3 has absolutely no idea.

Maybe we need a cookery thread just for parents of ASD children where we can compare all the things they WON'T eat!!