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Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

928 replies

Rubytuesdayy · 03/07/2012 22:38

With respect to lit streets, chaste Hmm clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 11:42

That's awful running! :( those are the types of attitudes that need to be addressed and I think your link is a good start!

I don't think anyone thinks we should live our lives in fear. I think people (men,women, children) just need to be aware of certain risks. I didn't live my childhood in fear of kidnappers jumping out of hedges at me because I was warned about stranger danger but I knew certain things to look out for which may not have meant that I was mever kidnapped but may have reduced my risk in certain situations.

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 11:44

Basil, your points have been acknowledged and addressed several times on this thread. We all know that rapd is more likely by someone you know.

BasilBabyEater · 06/07/2012 11:49

No harm giving people the figures though Bumble.

It helps give perspective if you have a real life example and gives women freedom if they can contexualise the risks they are taking against other risks they take in their lives.

Knowledge is power and all that.

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 11:59

Bumbley, most kidnappings are done by someone know to the child. What risk managment did you put into that?

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:04

Can only find stats from 2002/3

Parental: 166 cases
Stranger: 67
Other/Known to family or child: 160.

handbagCrab · 06/07/2012 12:09

Bumbley there is no evidence that following general safety advice has any bearing on whether you might be sexually assaulted or raped. You say it might. I say there's no evidence. We go round in circles. People post their personal experiences. You ignore them because they don't follow your point of view.

I'll revise my opinion when i see proper evidence that a woman can reduce her chances of being raped by following general safety advice. What evidence would it take for you to revise your opinion?

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:10

Same argument blackout? Does that mean you think there's no point in giving advice that may reduce the risks for the percentage of cases that are due to strangers? I have a feeling we'll disagree on this one as well.

bobbledunk · 06/07/2012 12:11

It's ridiculous to tell anyone to walk down a dark alley way alone, drunk and teetering on heels they can barely walk in because it would be anti feminist, victim blaming and giving into rapists by not doing soHmm... rather you are just making it very easy for any nasty person/people to do whatever they want to you by placing yourself in a position where you are unable to defend yourself and where there will be nobody to help you. Just common sense.

The reality is that there are lots of bad people looking for trouble and they are not going to disappear, when they are put away there will always be somebody else to replace them. It would be lovely to live in a world where we are free to keep our doors and windows open day and night, walk any street alone at any time, be free to wave your money and credit cards around for the whole world to see without being mugged etc... nothing wrong with working toward creating that world, very stupid to raise your children for that ideal world rather than prepared for the reality they will face in the real one.

It is not victim blaming to lock your house up best you can to keep intruders out, it is not victim blaming to avoid being drunk, alone and extremely vulnerable in isolated public areas at night, it is not victim blaming to hide money and anything of worth from potential muggers, it is not victim blaming to not wear headphones so you can hear anybody approaching you from behind, it is not victim blaming to teach your children to be aware of the world around them and to take adequate precautions to avoid unnecessary victimhood.

It is common sense to do everything you can to make it as difficult as you can for potential attackers attack you. Attackers, whether their motive is to beat you up for the fun of it, rape you or steal your stuff, will target the most vulnerable person in a situation they believe will give them the best opportunity to get away with it. Why teach your children to make it easy for them?

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:13

I'm not ignoring them handbag - they've been acknowledged. Saying 'well that's not the way it happened to me ' does not mean it never happens. Are we only allowed to discuss the incidents that people have direct experience of themselves?

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:18

''Same argument blackout? Does that mean you think there's no point in giving advice that may reduce the risks for the percentage of cases that are due to strangers? I have a feeling we'll disagree on this one as well.''

What by what you are doing, by trying to reduce the smallest risk and ignoring the biggest?

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:19

''rather you are just making it very easy for any nasty person/people to do''

Nice bit of victim blaming there Hmm

CheddarCheese · 06/07/2012 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:22

Oh Chedder Sad

bobbledunk · 06/07/2012 12:25

This reply has been deleted

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bobbledunk · 06/07/2012 12:26

That was to black btw

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:27

''If you don't want to teach your children common sense for fear of 'victim blaming', that's your business. Don't be too surprised when they walk into easily avoided trouble ''

Victime blaming again, so if my daughter was attacked it would her fault would it?

CheddarCheese · 06/07/2012 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handbagCrab · 06/07/2012 12:29

Nope. But perhaps take into consideration the people who have direct experience of what you're discussing are saying. It just happens it doesn't fit what you want to say.

I'm pretty sure if we could be bothered we could find something that has happened to you that's not great that hasn't happened to me. Instead of me learning from, hearing, understanding what you've got to say I could just bang on about my highly unlikely hypothetical version of what might happen to a hypothetical person because that's my world view and I'm sticking to it.

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:29

What good does it do to ignore it because it is the smallest risk blackout?

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:30

Because you are ignoring the biggest risk, bumbley

runningforthebusinheels · 06/07/2012 12:31

And, Bumbley, because you are encouraging women to live in fear, in a victim blaming society.

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:31

Handbag, it has been taken into consideration. Just because people are discussing one particular scenario does not mean that we are ignoring or disregarding others. Can you really not see that after pages and multiple posts of people saying it?

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:32

No blackout, you're not. You can give advice about the other risks too.

bumbleymummy · 06/07/2012 12:35

No you're not running.. I don't live in fear of being attacked/mugged because I know the general safety advice. Nor do I think knowing that advice is victim blaming. The problem is not the advice.

BlackOutTheSun · 06/07/2012 12:37

''I don't think anyone thinks we should live our lives in fear. I think people (men,women, children) just need to be aware of certain risks. I didn't live my childhood in fear of kidnappers jumping out of hedges at me because I was warned about stranger danger but I knew certain things to look out for which may not have meant that I was mever kidnapped but may have reduced my risk in certain situations.''

But were you warned about being kidnapped by someone you knew?