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Original poster

I want another baby, do I need my head read?

57 replies

pie · 03/12/2003 20:17

Ok, well I know Anastacia is only 8 weeks old and I know I had the most awful pregnancy, and I know I'm likely to again....but I'm broody and so is DH.

We don't have the finances to have another child (well we didn't with Anastacia but what with the failed coil and me not wanting an abortion that decision was taken out of my hands)...BUT when we do I want to have another baby.

My question is has anyone else out there, knowing that they will have at least 9 months of pain and illness, deliberately got pregnant? How do you plan/cope. I know this is probably a way off for now, but I can't help but wonder.

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Original poster
pie · 03/12/2003 20:19

Meant to say, would you NOT have another child if you wanted one and knew how difficult the pregnancy would be on yourself and your family?

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fairydust · 03/12/2003 20:32

you mean the coil can fail

Jimjams · 03/12/2003 20:37

I don't know pie- I feel the same for slightly different reasons. I would love a third- but :

a)hideous c section last time- dread another
b)can cope and enjy life with ds1 and ds2, I think having 3 would spread me too thinly- and wouldn't be fair on ds1 in particular- he's always going to need a lot of attention
c)not sure whether ds2 has a speech problem or not - don't think he has a language problem, but even if he has a speech problem he;s going to need more input (so spreading too thin again)
d)ds2 isn't autistic but can't help feeling it might have been a lucky escape (I know plenty of families of 3 children where 2 are autistic).
e) could be twins.

BUT I still really want another baby!

At the moment I just think of it as a maybe- I know I couldn't deal with another one now. So I just leave it to play by ear. I suppose the thing is if it does happen you do cope because you have to. I find thinking of it as a possibility means that I'm not constantly yearning, or worrying iyswim.

misdee · 03/12/2003 20:48

i'd love another baby. but due to various health problems in the family, plsu knowing i will more than likely suffer full 9months of morning sickness plus back problems makes me unsure.

dh has a heart condition, dd2 is being checked over by cardiologist to see whats going on there as they picked up an odd 'sound' on her heart recently, and untill she has an echo and we know what is going on then having another child is not an option.

saying that, if all test results come back ok, then i'd put myself thro 9months of sickness and pain to have another child

aloha · 03/12/2003 20:56

Pie - you are bonkers I think about it, but life is too easy with one. Also had good pregancy (except last bit stuck in horrible Kings for over a month) but hideous time with non sleeping baby. I know dh doesn't want another - between us we have a healthy happy boy and a healthy happy girl. My problems are nothing to yours or to Jimjams or to yours Misdee, so I bet you think I must be incredibly feeble to be put off by something as trivial as a baby not sleeping, but I found it very hard not to sleep for eight months.

misdee · 03/12/2003 20:58

aloha i havent slept for 3years but then i only need about 4 hours sleep most night.

aloha · 03/12/2003 21:03

misdee, I honestly don't know how you do it without going mad. I am lost in admiration - I honestly am. You have gone through so much.

pupuce · 03/12/2003 21:18

Pie- I can understand as I had a difficult pregnancy too and everytime I am broody (frequently with the job i do ) my DH reminds me of my last month of pregnancy in bed becasue of bad SPD..... also I hate labour pain...... I know I get VERY tired and obssessed with sleep..... hmmmm
Financially it is also a big step.... where would you put that baby???? Are envisaging bunckbeds

SO I have not decided..... not much help - am I....

Original poster
pie · 03/12/2003 22:02

I know pupuce, maybe I could clear out a draw for a bed

But seriously unless my contraception fails again (and yes fairydust the coil can fail, I had it removed when I was 8 weeks pregnant) we will be waiting until our financial and living circumstances change.

I guess I already know that I don't feel 'done' with my child bearing years. My family doesn't feel complete yet, but the thought of going through another pregnancy fills me with dread.

I guess pregnancy doesn't last forever is my rational but with 2 children having a third will be that much harder. Oh well DH isn't allowed to touch me until I get my mirena.

DD1 caught us talking about it and I said to her would you like another brother or sister? And she replied 'Only Sisters' I told her that she could end up with a brother and he would be just as sweet as Anastacia. 'Well ok, but after he is sweet you can give him to different parents...'

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aloha · 03/12/2003 22:02

Pupuce - you hate labour pains??? I'm stunned! I thought you were the 'birth is like an orgasm' type! Flabbergasted, that's what I am

pupuce · 03/12/2003 22:10

are you choking on your biscuit
I HATE labour pains and I have no pain relief in either labours.... - it all comes down to my beliefs - it's a personal thing....

fio2 · 03/12/2003 22:17

I feel broody too....

fio2 · 03/12/2003 22:22

sorry didnt answer your question-I dont think you are mad at all pie. I suppose at least you put the nine hoorrible in the past and your have your child for the rest of your life, if that makes sense

suedonim · 04/12/2003 01:03

We'd have liked two more children but I couldn't cope with another pg, the last one was so awful. I had the birth I wanted with dd2 but even so, when I got my breath back I swore if there was a next time, it would be a 9mth epidural from the neck down.

I think many, many people have yearnings for more children but don't act on it. My sis didn't have the money or space for more than two and my bro's wife wanted a boy after two girls. When I phoned to tell her about ds2 she just wailed 'You've got my son!'

Bekki · 04/12/2003 06:48

I suffered with quite a bit of joint and ligament problems during both pregnancies although obviously nothing like yours pie, but it was still quite dibilitating and very painful. I would still go ahead and have another baby if I had a big enough house. Infact a few days after ds2 was born (hes now 14 weeks) I knew that I really wanted another.

Beccarollo · 04/12/2003 08:13

Im also reallly broody and have a just over 12 week old - live in small house with a DP that is a bit of a tw*t really so no more babies for me for the forseable future - I would love another though

motherinferior · 04/12/2003 09:23

I have to admit to a faint sense of broodiness. NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

popsycal · 04/12/2003 09:25

i am broody as anything!!!!!
have been for ages!

handlemecarefully · 04/12/2003 10:21

Pie,

If you both really want another baby then have one. Okay so you are short of money and possibly space - but you'll make it work somehow if you want to.

Original poster
pie · 04/12/2003 10:52

Its not the bany itself HMC, its the 9 months of being a wheelchair and the hyperemeisis.

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Original poster
pie · 04/12/2003 10:53

whats a bany???

baby I meant

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handlemecarefully · 04/12/2003 10:58

Pie,

That sounds truly grim - I hadn't realised.

I can see that you would have to be an extremely brave woman indeed to put yourself voluntarily through this.

Is it always the case that with hyperemesis (jeeze - that would have killed me) you will definitely experience the same with your next one? Presumably the wheelchair was due to problems with the pelvis which probably will recurr...

What does your GP / community midwife / hv say?

WideWebWitch · 04/12/2003 11:01

WHAT ARE YOU ALL ON!!!! You're mad, quite mad I tell you

CountessDracula · 04/12/2003 12:13

Pie I agree you are bonkers as they come

Wait a bit, how can all those bad memories have faded so quickly! Keep those legs crossed for now you madwoman!

How is Anastacia?

Original poster
pie · 04/12/2003 12:20

CD...don't worry DH is counting the days till I get my mirena fitted.

Anastacia is lovely, check it but she wasn't tiny for very long and the birth was so great that all the months are becoming a distant blur. Well except for today as my mum has had to take Anastacia to Cranial Osteopathy as my own osteopath has broken me and I can't walk again.

I just keep looking at her though and thinking, this isn't going to last, shes growing too fast, maybe another one wouldn't be so bad

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