Mother in law has really pissed me off! Vent needed.

[mrsmplus3]

My husband and I have said for years that we don't really want the kids getting lots of sweets on a regular basis. This has always been ignored by my pils but because they watch our son once a week and because in general they are good parents/grandparents we always let it go. However, the dentist recently said the kids were beginning to show signs of early decay due to too many sweets and so we've said, in the nicest possible way, that buying them sweets all the time has to stop but they can have a treat after dinner on the weekends. Well today I came in from work and mil had bought kids 2 packets of sweets each! I can't believe it. I'm so pissed off. Why is she deliberately ignoring us/me? The kids were so excited but I had to say no, you can save them for the weekend. There were a few tears but then they were fine but it shouldn't even have been an issue. This has happened for years on and off but this has finally made me want to take a step back and not do all the nice extra things i do like have her over for dinner, get the kids to phone her with good news etc etc. I feel very sidelined, undermined and disrespected. I actually can't wait til my youngest is in school so I don't need to put up with her in my house anymore. Rant over for now. Any positive feedback/criticism appreciated.

Sweets once a week doesn't sound that bad? Maybe it's from something else? Sugary drinks? Not brushing properly?

Absolutely not. They only have milk and water, juice at parties. We brush their teeth thoroughly twice a day. The damage has been done from them being at grans and eating sweets all day. But the main point is, that despite us explaining the dentists advice and our new rules for the kids, she has gone ahead and done what she wants and not respected our wishes. I just think that's plain wrong and rude.

So she minds them while you work? That's good of her.
If you've allowed them to have sweets up till now

I wouldn't be so quick to blame MIL.

You don't KNOW that's whats caused the decay at all.

Feed them raisins as toddlers did you?
They eat fruit?

Your poor MIL. maybe you should tell her how you feel and make alternative childcare

To be honest, we used to guzzle sweets all the time when we were little and I hated brushing my teeth (so managed to avoid doing it for day's on end) and I didn't have fillings in my milk teeth. I have a few now but my teeth are pretty strong and very boring (according to my dentist).

I would speak to your dentist and see if there is any other possible cause. I can't see one day of indulgence, followed by a good teeth brushing doing all the damage. Lots of fruit can be quite bad and our dentist warned us against giving DS too many dried fruits.

Of course, you are right to be peed off that she is ignoring your wishes but sometimes the grand folk just do what they think is right. It will be easier when the kids get older and understand the rules - sweets after dinner, or as a Friday night treat. Try to explain to grandma that a lovely punet of strawberries or blueberries is a treat that the kids really love.

Do they eat a lot of fruit? One packet of sweets a week is not a lot. I think you are overreacting a bit. I'm sure your MIL isn't doing it to spite you, she just wants your children to be happy. A lot of grandparents seem to struggle when it comes to being the bad guy.

Poor mil my backside. We are very good and loving to her. She is at it cause she hates taking any direction from me. She watches 1 child once a week. She doesn't have to. Id rather pay the nursery fee than be so dismissed in my own home.

She can shower them with love in other ways! It's not 1 pack a week, it was lots. And now we've finally grew a pair she is blatantly ignoring us. This doesn't need to be a big deal, surely she should just grant this one request. What is the big deal anyway with grandparents and sweets? It's very old school. Things are different now. Surely she could buy a pack of stickers or something?

you've put the sweets away anyway. Massive overreaction IMO.

Thanks front paw. I've said about the strawberries. My kids think strawberries are the ultimate treat, bless them. But she's not interested. That's why I think it's more about defying me than making the kids happy.

Pay the nursery fees then.

Have you seen the cake and biscuits that get handed out at nursery?

Cornsil- how is venting on mumsnet a massive overreaction? I'm sitting with a cup if tea.

Fighting with my husband over it or crying or arguing with her on the phone about it would be a massive overreaction, not venting on a chat room.

Find other child care, end of problem

'this has finally made me want to take a step back and not do all the nice extra things i do like have her over for dinner, get the kids to phone her with good news etc etc.'

This part I consider to be an overreaction.

Fruit juice and fruit contains citric acid which erodes teeth enamel. Strawberries are full of sugar and are acidic so I am sorry but I do not buy your argument that the sweets given to your children by your Mil is the main cause.

I would pay the nursery fees but my husbands tight. And he wouldn't want to upset his mum. So I keep my mouth shut. Most of the time.

You've exploited her affection for years. It's hardly surprising she doesn't respect your demands when they make no sense to her.

just keep taking the sweets off them - she'll get the message in the end.

find someone else to mind your kids, but its a massive over reaction to not have your kids call her with good news over sweets. bloody hell, its not even a full moon

Flesh wound, screw the cause of the decay now. It's past that. For me, this thread is about my mil disregarding what I've said, I front of the children. And it most certainly isn't the first time. Even more so, she should've had the decency not to parade the sweets In front of the kids only for me to put them away for another day. She knew our position on the sweet thing. Why would you blank the parent? Anyway... I'm not getting anywhere with you lot on this. I know I'm right. It doesn't matter.

Northern - what are you on about? Exploited her affections for years? How so?

You are a pleasure and if you are as aggressive with your Mil as you have been on here,somehow my sympathies are veering towards your Mil...

Madame- its the fact that if you begin to realise someone couldn't give a shit about you, ie my mil towards me, then why would you go out your way for them? Of course we will still always see her and love her but she can shove all the extras from now on.

You said you'd rather pay the fees - so do so.

And yes, your posts a very very aggressive.

Flesh wound, I'm only reacting to all you mils on here who of course wouldnt agree with me. I was more hoping for some support from dils who have been through similar situations.
It happens all the time and it's not fair. We need support raising our families, not bitchy insecure mils.