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Original poster

I am so mad, I can barely type!

95 replies

rickman · 26/01/2006 10:22

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Bugsy2 · 08/02/2006 12:43

Oh Rickman, I'm so sorry he is being a complete git about this. What sort of fantasy world is he living in that he thinks you are going to see a penny out of the 25% of his income that he gives you for the children - well, unless he is a millionaire!!!
You have not brought this on yourself, he is being a bstrd. Have you had a chat to the tax office yet, as he is clearly not declaring his earnings properly.

Original poster
rickman · 08/02/2006 12:57

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kid · 08/02/2006 13:05

Was he going to put it in writing about paying you the £400 a month without CSA knowing? If so, I wonder what CSA would make of that?

cyan · 08/02/2006 13:11

rickman, i really feel for you and i just hope something does get sorted.

my situation is that im sort of with my dps dad but we dont live together, when i had ds i wasnt able to apply for IS cos of my student loan and when ds was 8 months i could finally get it, it was then that the CSA got onto his case and he was told he was to pay me maintenance money. he tries to make me feel grateful that he hands me the money each week, and sometimes i actually question why i bother having some sort of relationship with him. you might be thinking well why have i gone through csa, well answer is he wouldnt give me anything towards his son otherwise. v strange relationship i know but hopefully one day i too will find the strength to go alone.
he also puts me down, last night he did it makes me question my sanity sometimes. sorry about my own personal rant rickman but i really hope it does work out x

Original poster
rickman · 08/02/2006 13:49

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Bibiboo · 08/02/2006 13:50

I am wishing a plague of locusts on his @rse on your behalf. In fact, I wish them up his @rse!

Git.

Caligula · 08/02/2006 14:07

Why d'you have to see him this afternoon?

Original poster
rickman · 08/02/2006 14:11

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LadyTophamHatt · 08/02/2006 14:20

Rickman....this won't help one bit but if I was in your shoes I'd stop him seeing the kids.

He's a twat. 100% pure twat.

Caligula · 08/02/2006 14:29

I just wouldn't talk to him at all. Or look at him.

Not one word or one look.

Seriously.

That freaks 'em out.

donnie · 08/02/2006 14:53

he is an ARSE
how can fathers neglect their responsiblities like this and actually expect their children to feel anything but contempt for them?
good luck rickman.

kid · 08/02/2006 18:49

Why couldn't you let him get the agreement drawn up and pass a copy of it on to the CSA? They would then see that he is up to no good. I know it might make him be difficult in the long run, but he isn't exactly being fair now is he?

Freckle · 08/02/2006 18:52

I agree. I would be tempted to pretend to give in, have him sign the agreement and then pass it to the CSA as evidence of his duplicity. I would also stop him seeing the children until he coughs up a reasonable amount. Clearly if he feels that, by staying with him, you could have had it all, he must have quite a bit left over without you there. If he objects to not seeing the children, just say that you can't conceivably let them go with someone who clearly does not have their interests at heart.

Original poster
rickman · 08/02/2006 22:21

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mymama · 09/02/2006 06:43

Sorry to hear this. HOpefully it will work out for you and the guy will get what he deserves. If your kids like seeing their father I would not stop contact. That hurts them more than it hurts him. Best not to make kids deal with adult issues.

Caligula · 09/02/2006 08:06

rickman I don't know if there is any other way. You could of course go to your MP and make him/ her aware of the loophole.

And of course, you could ring up your in-laws and let them know how little he cares about the welfare of his children. But they will put that down to the rantings of a bitter woman, because people always do.

It's a long long haul, but your ex will reap what he's sown when your children are grown up and understand how he has behaved. Meanwhile, I'd say try not to say too much in front of them - I know it's hard - but it damages their sense of self to know that half of their genetic material is a waste of space.

Could you also join a support group like Gingerbread, where you will get sympathy and practical support (like incredibly cheap holidays!)?

LadyTophamHatt · 09/02/2006 08:43

Rickman.... "the CSA has never come across a situation like this and will have to investigate"

What never ever in all their cases?

Surely that can't be right....they must be stringing you along.

What a nightmare for you.

Original poster
rickman · 09/02/2006 22:35

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Freckle · 09/02/2006 22:39

Well done. I suggest that you also send them without any change of clothes, nappies, etc. Do they stay overnight at all? Make sure he can supply all of their needs.

This is disgustingly shallow of him and proves that his concerns are for his own feelings of rejection rather than his feelings of love for his children.

LadyTophamHatt · 10/02/2006 07:28

Ohhh, sorry rickman...miss read it.

Still it's a pretty lame excuse though/ I wonder if he's new in the job?

Did you see GMTV today? there was an ex employee on there who said that the entire place is a shambles, computer systems aren't "clever" enough to cope, staff have around 4 weeks of training but in reality it can 2 years to encounter every possibility in a case.

It seemed pretty dire.

I was thinking of you, I hope you get a answer soon.

(BTW I love the small victory over the car seats!!)

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