Bizarre things your children insist you do...

[nenevomito]

Every morning, before he leaves the house, my son goes and hides in a box to become a "DS-in-a-box".

I have to turn an imaginary crank against the side of the box whilst singing a tinny version of "half a pound of tuppeny rice" getting faster and faster until he pops out, when I have to look shocked. He then gets his shoes on and we head out the door.

Does anyone else have any strange things their children insist on doing or insist that you do?

Oh God, poo dancing! I'd forgotten all about that until I read your post, Sue!

DD had similar loo issues and would take forever to get on with it, usually when we were eating out somewhere. I stupidly devised a rhyme and a wiggly dance and was then stuck with saying it every bloody time for nearly a year!

'Come on poo poo, out you come
Don't get stuck in DD's bum
In the loo and down the drain
It will not be seen again
Come on poo poo, quick quick quick
Don't make DD's tummy sick
Out you go and go away
Don't come back another day'

I should go for laureate status, shouldn't I?

There's another one in our house which I was unaware of until tonight. DS gets his pajamas on with DP because 3 of us in there is too many in a small bedroom. Then I come in and brush DS's teeth and we have a story, etc. Apparently, before he gets his pajamas on, DS has to take each teddy and doll out of his cot and places them on Dada's rocking chair, so their little hands and paws are touching, as if they're holding hands. He is fascinated by this Twinkle Twinkle Little Star video on YouTube where the star and a little own hold hands and fly through the clouds, and now is asking about and reenacting hand-holding all the time. He had his Jemima Dolly and Purple Dolly (both made by me) hold hands last night because they are "best friends", he said. Aww.

These are all so funny- and make me feel normal!

We went through a phase where after the bath, ds would hide and I would have to pretend I thought the ironing board was him, and dress it in his pyjamas, remarking on how skinny he had become while the dds giggled uncontrollably

I wasn't allowed to kiss ds for a while unless I became a maiasuarus (good mummy dinosaur) and made little crooning dinosaur noises, to which he responded with baby dinosaur noises.

The dds have a ritual with my dad about their nighttime cuddles. There is the squeezy cuddle, then the lifty-up cuddle, then the tucky-in cuddle. Even at 6 and 8 there are tantrums if one gets missed or in the wrong order.

And I am forced to "tell us the story about the time..." where I have to tell the same old stories ad nauseam, and am flamed for missing the slightest detail out.

I frequently have to turn my children into sandwiches using cushions as bread and them as the fillings

My fiance plays his six year old daughter like an electric guitar -puts her on his knee, holds her arms up and 'strums' her ribs./

Mine (inevitably) involves rescuing animals.. from the hedgehog being used as a football by local brats to the duck.

Oh, the duck.

DD2, then 11 years old, was frantically whacking the front door. "It's open!" I shout, knowing that she was due home from school. More whacking.

So I go to the door... and there she stands with a duck under her arm... but not any duck, oh no, we don't do these things by halves chez DogsBestFriend, but a ruddy great Muscovy. I mean, have you seen how BIG those things are?!

In she and the duck waddle where Beyonce, as she was later called by our vets, took up residence. The poor (I can't say little) mite had a broken wing. DD had found her wandering around the High Street, looking confused (as was I when she came through my front door under DDs arm).

She was perfectly friendly and made herself comfortable in a dog basket. My 45 kilo German Shepherd came in, took one look and fled! My other two dogs watched with that, "Oh bloody hell, she's found another waif and stray" look which they reserve especially for the purpose.

Having ace vets Beyonce was given treatment and handed to the care of rescue.

There's no getting out of it... if it's lost, if it's injured, if it's at risk of harm, it comes here. DD insists.

My 2.8 yo DS makes me repeat EVERYTHING he says to me word for word.

If I try not saying anything, saying "really?" or similar normal conversation type thing or even repeating a bit of what he has said (in an effort to mix it up a bit) he will continue to say it over and over and over until I give in.

So if he says "Thomas crashing into trees. Oh no!", for example, I have to repeat those words, in that order. He says "Thomas crashing into trees. Oh no!" quite a bit.. grrrrr. Most boring train in the world....

The only exception is if I address him or ask him a question. But any time he talks first I have to repeat what he's said.

I'm on maternity leave at the mo, but was working 5 days a week before having DS2. 3 days a week he would be in creche. At one stage in creche he wasn't eating a lot as he was ill so I got them to give me a bottle of milk for him on the way home (he loves bottles). From that day on, he would INSIST on getting a bottle when he left creche, regardless of what time of the day i picked him up, and he would never get a bottle at that time on the other 4 days in the week. When I went to collect him he would shout "mummy!!!" and would make a beeline for me, but not to hug me. He wanted the bottle that was normally in his bag, which I would pick up in the hall before going in. If his bottle wasn't ready, he would go into the hall and shout at the girls to hurry up with it.

When he hears the timmy time theme tune he INSISTS we all dance. Shouts at us if he doesn't think we are giving it enough.

Other than that, he has LOADS of eccentricities, but more his own routine than making us join in. Like how he NEVER wants to sleep in our bed. He'll sleep in any bed, as long as he's on his own. I think the only time I have held him while he was asleep in the past 2 years (at least), was when he was sick in hospital with a v bad tummy bug.

DS1 (17m) loves reading, especially my magazines. Yesterday he brought me my new mag and insists we read it together. He turns the pages and points and I have to read it He now knows all about 'wow factor table settings' and 'notes from the beauty desk'

I have also been known to read the tv guide!

...with 2 primary age DD's, DH and I are required to:

...to run at them, shouting as loudly and threateningly as possible..."HERE I COME TO WIPE YOUR BUM!!!!" upon the occasion of being summoned to check a challengingly-dirty-bumwiping event (or perhaps they literally can't be arsed!?!).

...to join in every dance when Strictly's on....and have been required to do so since the show began just after DD1 turned 2. Thankfully DDs' dress code rules have been relaxed since oldest turned 7. Will miss this so much!!

When someone says "I love you" and the response is "I love you too" the other person has to say "I love you three"

the reply is: "I love you four" then the numbers get bigger e.g. "I love you five" "I love you twenty" "I love you three thousand and sixty six"
etc etc (depends how old the child is) and the brinkmanship continues until somebody (usually DC) says "I love you a googolplex" (biggest number in the world with a name) and they win.

DS loves it - but then he also loves anything to do with numbers (and he makes up some very interesting big ones!

DS1 needs three verses of 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean' and a kiss on the top of the head every night, or he looks very folorn.

He is 10, so that's 3,650+ renditions and counting...

DD1 has 'You are my Sunshine' which was chosen for its brevity as much as its sweetness

DS aged 2 insists that when we he's going upstairs to bed we make him a 'tunnel' to climb through (between our legs and arms) and that when he gets to the arms we pretend to squash him and cuddle him. Then when he reaches the top of the stairs he has to go through the stairgate first and close it so we can't get through. He then says "Oh no!" and then opens it for us one at a time! If we go through the gate before him or forget to make him a tunnel there is trouble!

I didn't think we had any but I've remembered!

DS has to have every toe kissed before his pyjamas go on and then he has to turn all the upstairs lights off before we go down for his milk.

On the way up to bed I say goodnight to inanimate objects and he replies "Goodnight Daddy" and giggles after each one.

Oh! And DP always brings his milk in for him while DS is on my lap. DS shouts "Thank you Daddy" at least ten times until DP has adequately assured him he is very welcome!

When ds1 and dd were younger we had to do the pants dance whenever I put their washing away.
This involved all 3 of us putting a pair of pants (clean!!!) on our heads and dancing like maniacs around the room.
And before dd would go to sleep I had to kiss her chin, nose, both cheeks and finally her forehead before saying "I love you millions of dinosaurs piled up to the sky baby. Sleep tight.". She's 12 now and she still likes me to surprise her by telling this at bedtime.
Ds2 (22 months) has many rituals. Every night when he comes out the shower he runs into the living room wrapped up in his dressing gown shouting "mell me". Whereupon we all have to smell him and tell him he smells gorgeous and that includes his almost 18 year old brother.
Then he likes to dance around the living room naked before getting into his pjs.
At bedtime dh and ds2 march around the living room looking for Bob (ds's teddy). Ds shouts "no here" in every corner of the room but finally they find Bob in his cot. Then ds dives into cot on top of Bob and he's ready to sleep.
Kisses from me must be - dummy kiss, rubba noses then forehead kissy. No other way is acceptable.
Oh and ds2 loves having his feet rubbed. I'm sooooo glad that's one thing ds1 grew out of his teen feet reek