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Original poster

When people say 'No-one can make you feel bad...'

123 replies

Pruni · 27/12/2005 14:12

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 21:57

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harpsiheraldangelssing · 27/12/2005 21:58

you are being deliberately obtuse just to annoy me
you know what I mean - it is like a mantra. [crummy new agey self help emoticon]
actually you just reminded me of an argument I had with my father a million years ago where he accused me of applying to university just to annoy him. there was a man who took self obsession to comedic lengths.

ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 27/12/2005 22:00

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ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 27/12/2005 22:00

I am not being obtuse on purpose hc - I have said I don't get it and would someone explain. If it is just a mantra for personal use then why do I hear it all the ruddy time and read it on here and WHY IS MY SISTER CHARGING PEOPLE £ SILLY AMOUNT AN HOUR TO HEAR HER SAY IT???

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 27/12/2005 22:01

Yes but hc we both know you did apply to university just to annoy him.

feastofsteven · 27/12/2005 22:02

essbee - if you were told this professionally, did anyone ever expand on this statement? as part of my CBT for OCD/anxiety/depression, I worked through in some detail about how to deal with criticism/perceived criticism by others. I think in terms of counselling etc, surely it is far too glib to say "you are responsible for your feelings", rather than to say "there are ways you can avoid/damage limit self-defeating patterns of negative thought/self-image"

harpsichordcarrier · 27/12/2005 22:03

your sister is very clever and sees a gap in the market
it is empowering for some people, but clearly not for you my darling
how about another mantra
e.g. why don't all you people just f off?
[hesitant to add an emoticon for fear of enflaming situation emoticon]

Original poster
Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:04

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ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 27/12/2005 22:07

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harpsichordcarrier · 27/12/2005 22:10

I really don't know if it is a helpful thing for someone with depression. I would imagine it would sound exceptionally trite to someone in that situation.

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:11

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ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 27/12/2005 22:13

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:16

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thecattleareALOHing · 27/12/2005 22:20

it is often said on MN when people who could not, say, breastfeed, say they are 'made' to feel bad/guilty/sad about it by research showing the health benefits of breastfeeding. And in that case I think it is entirely true - the facts cannot 'make' you feel bad.

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:26

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santaslittleunicorn · 27/12/2005 22:27

haven't read all this thread but thought I would stick my oar in.

My family have made me feel bad for a large proportion of my life.

I know they have because when you are repeatedly told, from a young age, that 'You spoil things', or, you are 'too sensitive', 'too moody', 'too bad tempered'.. you beleive it.

It takes a while before you actually work out that their version of you is not the rest of the worlds...
ie... I am not that bad.

But people most definately can make you feel bad - it is called abuse.

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:28

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Pruni · 27/12/2005 22:30

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blueshoes · 27/12/2005 22:46

If I was confiding my feelings about a situation to someone and that person used that phrase on me, I would take it to mean that I had seriously lost perspective. That I was not reading the situation correctly. That my feelings were wrong and I was part of the problem. It would make me clam up immediately and rather p*ss me off.

hunkermunker · 27/12/2005 23:15

FAZ, sorry, wasn't ignoring you, was sorting out my underwear drawer and underbed storage thingys which have clothing I haven't worn since the 1980s in them (no longer!). Am in ridiculous nesting mode... Oh, and my "See?" wasn't directed at you - I crossed posts. I don't think it was specifically directed at anyone, really!

I think Aloha hit what I meant on the head when she talked about facts "making" people feel bad. I guess I was specifically talking about the context in which I've used the phrase on here. It's when I hear that seeing breastfeeding posters in GP surgeries or other women breastfeed is "making" women feel bad that I get frustrated.

WellieMum · 28/12/2005 00:38

I agree about the breastfeeding threads and have definitely thought this and maybe even said it in the past while reading "those" threads.

For the rest... I guess you could say it to person A and really help them, or say it to person B and get lamped. It can't be a "one size fits all" motto.

twirlingaroundthechristmastree · 28/12/2005 11:23

I think how you react to things can be changed - so potentially an unkind remark could either be taken to heart and worried about for ages, or just shrugged off and not given a second thought.

However, I also think it is very hard to manage how you react to things in practice - and its more like a light has to be switched on for you to be able to do this...and where is the switch for the light, that is the problem!

moondog · 28/12/2005 12:39

While it is somewhat overused,I do find it to be a refreshing contrast to the lily livered cop outs that so many people choose.

You know,when people bleat about being judged or made to feel guilty when they do things they shouldn't.
I'm all for the brutal pull-your-socks up school of thought.

Original poster
Pruni · 28/12/2005 14:32

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Mytwopenceworth · 28/12/2005 23:00

I believe that nobody can 'make' you feel a particular way about anything. X happens or is done or said and you feel a particular way based on any number of things - your history, your relationship with the other party, your mood, confidence etc etc. That is not the same as them making you feel anything, it comes from you.

So you have the power to change the way you feel in response to things. It is about taking responsibility for yourself and not being controlled by your emotions.