So angry - I am so pissed off, need to vent before i kill the Mil

[tamba]

arrggghhhhh

Are the lives of my children worthless? Mil seems to think so...

She has (very nicely) agreed to have my boys this afternoon so i can sort the mess in the house out left over from christmas...she even came to pick them up. Thats great, I am very greatful but..

She has this thing about car seats, she doesnt like using them etc (they didnt have them in her day and her kids all survived!)..

I insist on them and watched her strap the seats into the car.. Then I went inside as it is snowing here...

Went upstairs and just happened to look out of the window to see...

Her taking my 1 yr old out of the car seat and sitting him on the back seat - no belt or anything. Also sitting freely in the back was my 3 yr old This is SO dangerous!!!!

I went downstairs to go and put it right but they were gone

So my children are travelling in the snow, in the back of a car with no car seats or seatbelts on

I hope they get there alive

Arrrrgggghhhhh I am fuming.

You know the sad thing though Hunky, If i sever contact with my in laws then i will have no one other than you lot on mn to talk to all day until dh gets home

But surely that's preferable to conversing with this mentalist?

true

She has her good points though (apart from trying her best to get my children killed ) She is paying for me to get lots of new clothes for my birthday... Can i sever contact with her after that?

(I know I am being flippant but the vodka has kicked in )

LOL! Yes, definitely wait till after then.

Alternatively, sit her down, say, "I realise you think I'm being neurotic, oversensitive and stupid about this, but honestly, I'm really, really concerned that the children will be seriously hurt or killed if they're not in their car seats.

"It's NOT your driving I'm worried about, or I wouldn't let them in the car with you at all. But there are so many poor drivers out there that. After all, you wouldn't put a carton of eggs on the backseat without any restraint - would you?"

Then punch her if she doesn't agree. Hard.

LOL actually that sounds about right, will appeal to her ego... Might give that a try!

Your MIL was bang out of order, but

You saw a crime being committed.

You did not call the police.

She was driving them in the snow with no car seats and despite several people advising you to call the police you didn't.

True

I did see a crime being committed but by the timje i giot downstairs she was gone so i couldnt have stopped it...

I was advised to call the police, would have been to late they would have been home by the time the police got here (cause they take hours!) Also i dont know the registration number of the car etc and I was more worried about my babies than thinking of reporting a member of my family to the police.

Actually, are you her? She has a tendancy to blame me for things i have no control over too...

Tamba,you shouldn't even be thinking aslong the lines of how to tell her nicely.
Get her on her own and tell her politely and firmly that much as you appreciate all she deos for you,carseats are non negotiable,and that if she can't accept that,she will not be driving them anywhere.

She has the most to lose if she doesn't see this,not you.

Shes scary though

She is very used to getting her own way and making all the desisions. Thats why we sometimes clash do much as I dont like being told what to do and have a mind of my own.

I will have a quiet word next time I see her and make it plain why she is not taking my boys out in the car alone again!

Its a shame though as i rely on her alot, I dont drive and she has been invaluable during the rain and snow! taking the boys to nursery and stuff. Oh well i will have to be like any other non driver and walk! Excersize will do me good.

You seem to think she has the upper hand here, but really, she doesn't. They are YOUR children. You control where they go and who they see. This makes you the boss here, providing she cares about seeing her grandchildren.
You do need to say, 'I SAW you take them out of their seats. Here, THIS is why this is illegal and dangerous. When you do things like this, I cannot trust you with the children and that makes me sad. But I am afraid I cannot let you take them in the car again unless I am sure that you will put them in their seats every time. And HERE - (giving her the leaflet) is why.'
Or something like that.
You may want lifts and transport (though driving lessons would clearly be a better gift for you than new clothes, I think) but she wants to see her grandchildren, so she needs to shape up.

Thats a good opint - WHY do i think she has the control, when really I do... hmmmm I suppose its because she is so controlling ober her sons and the other wives so I sort of just slipped into it. But that is changing. I am alot more assertive and have tons more confidence than i used to. Maybe she is threatened by that and this is her (stupid and dangerous) way of trying to re-assert control.

Yup, I think you've got the measure of her
The act of taking them out of their seats was very aggressive. She is determined to 'win' but in this case, you simply can't let her. So horrified by an unrestrained ONE year old in a car - that's absolutely awful.

bloody hell, im sitting here fuming, i just cant believe she actually took them out of their seats after you had strapped them in!! i would have seriously hurt her by now! also, does she not realise that by leaving them unrestrained in the back seat, if she crashed, seatbelt or not, she could be injured or killed by them on their way through the windowscreen.

I would also be wondering if she was saying things like 'Oh, you don't need to be in those seats. Silly mummy,' as she was taking them out.

Along with my 3 year old who was also unrestrained and in the back seat!

Well, she wont 'win' (its like she thinks its some sort of battle or something!) She will lose what she thinks is the 'prize' - time with her grandsons.

Hopefully she will realise very quick and although she wont apoligise she will change her behaviour.

We have had a situation like this before, a few years ago before we had children. When me and dh would visit, his brothers would take the piss out of me, call me fat and generally not be nice. Mil would think it was funny. I was only 18! So i cut contact, and without me to give him a kick to go, dh stopped going round. I stopped calling and they didnt call us. Eventually Fil texted dhs phone to ask why we hadnt been round. I answered it (from dh ) saying that he didnt like the way his partner was treated and it was unacceptable and we would not be visiting until things had changed.

I was avoiding there calls and eventually fil phone from a phone box and invited us round for dinner. We went, nothing was ever mentioned but there behaviour changed dramatically.

Good for you! I think you know them better than they'd like, but as you see, like most bullies they aren't as brave when you refuse to be intimidated.
Yes, I was shocked and horrified by her taking both your kids out, of course, but as my kids are four and nearly one, there was something extra appalling about the one year old. DD would just fall off her seat immediately. Terrible though, however you look at it.

Its a shame they dont know me better! Im one of those really annoying people that will never back down I dont like people trying to intimadate me and will put on a brave face to them and make my point and then get upset at home

Agree this is an appalling situation and what is worse is that she removed the boys from the seats you'd provided and the straps you'd secured, thereby deliberately undermining your authority. Think you need to have a stern discussion with her along Aloha's lines and making it clear that, whilst you may compromise on some things for trips to grandparents', this is not one of them.

My PIL's think we're overprotective, I'm sure, as I insisted on providing a booster cushion for ds,then 5, which we brought with us from abroad, as they'd refused to get one. They do at least see the point of a harnessed seat as they had it for their other two grandchildren when they minded them, not that it was fitted securely and it was a c**p Mothercare one (like SIL had). Those same 2 kids, now 6 and 9, both use just the adult belt at best and loll around while ds, almost 8 now, and dd, 4, are still happy to be secured.

This shows such a blatant disregard for your children's lives! How dare she risk their lives just so she can feel in control & like the one who has won!!!!

My DH would be livid if any of our relatives did such a thing! He would be on the phone giving them what for. Your hubby needs to take this seriously. Your children could have been statistics FGS!

Next time, if you allow there to be a next time (I know I wouldn't) make sure you syand there until yout MIL has driven off, regardless of the weather. I would make it known to her that I don't trust her AT ALL!

Just a thought. Was she wearing a seatbelt herself? or does she disregard this law as well? and if she was wearing one, why is it necessary for her and not her grandchildren.

Tamba - if someone other than your MIL had done this what would you do?
Just wondering why we often accept behaviour from family members that we would not tolerate in others!

Hope all is resolved

Incidentally does she use a seat belt herself? These are new-fangled devices to protect adults in cars, after all. It is also the law to use them. If she does, she's effectively saying she values her life more those of her grandchildren.