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Original poster

So angry - I am so pissed off, need to vent before i kill the Mil

98 replies

tamba · 27/12/2005 14:09

arrggghhhhh

Are the lives of my children worthless? Mil seems to think so...

She has (very nicely) agreed to have my boys this afternoon so i can sort the mess in the house out left over from christmas...she even came to pick them up. Thats great, I am very greatful but..

She has this thing about car seats, she doesnt like using them etc (they didnt have them in her day and her kids all survived!)..

I insist on them and watched her strap the seats into the car.. Then I went inside as it is snowing here...

Went upstairs and just happened to look out of the window to see...

Her taking my 1 yr old out of the car seat and sitting him on the back seat - no belt or anything. Also sitting freely in the back was my 3 yr old This is SO dangerous!!!!

I went downstairs to go and put it right but they were gone

So my children are travelling in the snow, in the back of a car with no car seats or seatbelts on

I hope they get there alive

Arrrrgggghhhhh I am fuming.

OP posts:
vitomum · 27/12/2005 14:30

thank god. you should tell your nieces parents about this. maybe they don;t realise.

sallyhollyberry · 27/12/2005 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pruni · 27/12/2005 14:31

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 14:34

They do realise I have tried talking to there mom before and although we both say how terrible it is etc she never does or says anything about it. She relys on Mil as she works full time and doesnt want to make waves... I would have though that an uncomfortable situation would have been prefferable to 2 dead daughters but then i guess we all have different priorities

Because she shuts up and puts up with things she is seen as the better Dil and a good mother, because I am seen to challenge everything loudly and am insistant on having things my way when it comes to my children i am the over protective, smothering, neurotic mother so my views tend to get ignored, and also cause I am young i have 'no experience' of these things... aftr all all her children grew up safetly so she must be the expert

OP posts:
Pruni · 27/12/2005 14:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 14:42

She works with the police in her job... and is also influiental in alot of things and this would ruin her career as when people found out she would lose votes and her position on alot of boards..

Maybe a threat to do that would work?

We get on (apart from this) well, she is always first to volunteer to help me out, she is forever buying and cooking things for me and the kids adore her. And my fil is the most wonderful man (apart form my dh ) and even a threat to 'expose' her would totally distroy any relationship out families had. Also dh is kinda scared of his mother so it would just be me going against all of them...although privatly dh would say he is behind me just not to his moms face...

Is worth all that to keep the kids safe but I have been told so many times that I am over worrying and neurotic that sometimes i think i am. They donht listen to me as they still see me as that 16 yr old spoilt little brat that I once was and not as an adult and mother...

I will threaten to report her though and if that doesnt stop her I will take a deep breath, don my hard hat and do it!

OP posts:
NomDePlumPudding · 27/12/2005 14:45

It's illegal for her to be doing this, not to mention horrendously dangerous. Does MIL know that it is against the law ? Maybe pushing that end of the argueent will get you further, Tamba ?

sallyhollyberry · 27/12/2005 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 14:48

I am googling to find statisics and the law so I thouraghly know what I am talking about when i speak to her about it as the first thing she will try to do is make me look stupid...

OP posts:
sallyhollyberry · 27/12/2005 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 14:51

I know im not stupid, its just convincing them!

As for dh, well... He is a wuss! The amount of arguements we have had over him not backing me up to his family etc. I was hoping father christmas would bring him some sissors to cut the apron things but it wasnt to be... I am working on him though!

OP posts:
PottyinaPearTree · 27/12/2005 14:52

Take a look through this leaflet .

Perhaps get a copy for her?

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 14:54

Thats a fab leaflet -thank you. I will print it out and give it to her. The car seat in the leaflet is the same one as one of ours and there is a piccie of one of the dummies that is supposed to be the same age as my children. Maybe that will hit home.

Thank you

OP posts:
thecattleareALOHing · 27/12/2005 15:18

Yes, point out that she is breaking the law and the police can and will stop her and may well prosecute. The police once stopped me because they thought my ds wasn't in a car seat for some reason (he was!) and I have seen other people pulled over because their kids weren't in car seats. When the law changes the police will be even hotter on this. I think she's absolutely mad btw as well as irresponsible and I would DEFINITELY tell her that I saw her actually take the children out.

Blandmum · 27/12/2005 15:22

And also point out that it is Physicaly impossible to hold onto a child in a car accident. Even at 10 miles an hour, knowing that a test shunt was to happen, people couldn't hold onto a 10 pound test dummy shaped like a baby.

MIstletAOU · 27/12/2005 15:30

ooh I've just read that leaflet and it is chilling - she would have to be made of stone not to be moved by that.

Can you point out to her that it is no reflection on her driving, but that there are a lot of idiots out there on the roads and she jst can't predict who might be round the next corner.

CARoLsingersKickingatmydoor · 27/12/2005 15:41

despite all the law and other valid reasons she has lost sight of a couple of important points in her argument

  1. the wasnt nearly as much traffic in when she was ferrying her kids around.
  2. she didnt have car seats then so if she wanted to take her kids around then she had to put them on the back seat.

We now have seatbelts too. I bet she buckled up before setting off.

MIstletAOU · 27/12/2005 15:42

Very good point CarlK. I presume she wears her own seatbelt? Whatever reason she has for wearing it is relevant to your kids wearing theirs too.

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 17:14

Yes she wears her seat belt!

Im not sure how good her driving is - she passed her test on the 11th go!

The kids didnt even have anyone to hold them in the back they were just left to crawl around. I bet she didnt even lock the doors

I ranted down the phone to my mom about it and she was discusted.

OP posts:
santasweetdreamer · 27/12/2005 17:20

To follow on from this, my 7 year old finds a booster seat in the back really uncomfortable and he always wants to sit (without a booster) with the seat belt on. Is this dangerous? He's normal height for a 7 yr old.

MIstletAOU · 27/12/2005 17:38

tamba, ask her why she wears her seatbelt. Whatever answer she comes up with - "it's the law", "because I want to be safe" etc - applies to your children too. Ask her why it's good enough for her but not for your kids! And do print out that leaflet and highlight the case study of the kids in the accident where they weren't strapped in - scared the willies off me.

WickedWinterWitch · 27/12/2005 17:41

Poor you and mad, bad MIL. I would tell her she's not having them again, absolutely not. Stupid woman.

Blandmum · 27/12/2005 17:41

The 'it was OK in my day' argumant is such a load of old toffee. Dh used to travel round, loose in the boot space of an estate car. That wouldn't be seen as normal now, thank goodness!

It wasn't OK in those days either. People died, which is why they brought in the law.

What your MIL chooses to do to herself is, to a degree, her own afair, but your children? She needs to re think her priorites PDQ

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 27/12/2005 17:47

It's such an aggressive act to take the children out of the seats. I can sort of understand why someone could say they couldn't be bothered to put them in the seats. Stupid, but understandable. However to deliberately take them out after you have put them in, is reckless, provocative and IMO malevolent. She wouldn't be taking my children out in the car again, ever.

Blandmum · 27/12/2005 17:51

Log on and show her these pictures

CAUTION THEY ARE VERY GRAPHIC AND UPSETTING

Don't log on if children present, you are pg, hormonal or easily upset

is this what she wants?