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Original poster

So angry - I am so pissed off, need to vent before i kill the Mil

98 replies

tamba · 27/12/2005 14:09

arrggghhhhh

Are the lives of my children worthless? Mil seems to think so...

She has (very nicely) agreed to have my boys this afternoon so i can sort the mess in the house out left over from christmas...she even came to pick them up. Thats great, I am very greatful but..

She has this thing about car seats, she doesnt like using them etc (they didnt have them in her day and her kids all survived!)..

I insist on them and watched her strap the seats into the car.. Then I went inside as it is snowing here...

Went upstairs and just happened to look out of the window to see...

Her taking my 1 yr old out of the car seat and sitting him on the back seat - no belt or anything. Also sitting freely in the back was my 3 yr old This is SO dangerous!!!!

I went downstairs to go and put it right but they were gone

So my children are travelling in the snow, in the back of a car with no car seats or seatbelts on

I hope they get there alive

Arrrrgggghhhhh I am fuming.

OP posts:
eemie · 27/12/2005 17:53

Just kill her

Why would anyone want to stop you?

Santasweetdreamer, from 6-11 yrs or 22-36kg they still need a booster seat:-

road safety website

and from May 2006 new even stricter regs are coming in. I've bought my 7 yr old a full car seat with side protection after reading about it

thecattleareALOHing · 27/12/2005 18:02

Agree that going to the trouble of taking them out of their seats is aggressive and provocative. She was deliberately undermining you and putting your kids at risk while doing so. I wonder what she actually said to the children while she was doing it? She seems totally untrustworthy to me.

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 18:14

When we put the ds's in our car and they moan about the car seats we tell them they wear them because we want to keep them safe, because we love them and because the police man says so..

So if mil undoes all that are the boys thinking "nanny doesnt want to keep us safe and nanny doesnt love us" or "yay nanny loves us more cause we get to do whatever we want?"

She lovesa going against me because i went against her 6 years ago when me and dh moved out of her house... we were the first to do that, her eldest son and daughter in law lived there until they bought the house next door and youngest son and dil are still there, but i lived there for six months, thought bugger this and rented th first flat i could find and took her son with me! (I was only 17) So she loves doing the opposite of what I want as I wont conform! She loves it when i disagree with her, i think it entertains her and in a strange way she likes that I wont just put up with it like the others do. I think she respects me for it but still wont back down and do the right thing! At least i think thats how her wierd mind works...

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 27/12/2005 18:17

Tamba have you told your dh about it?? What does he say about his mothers irresponsible behaviour with his children???

Straw · 27/12/2005 18:19

Hi, I would like the leaflet too but when I click on it the page is empty, I have same problem with my mother.She thinks it is a fashion to have kids in a car seats. She was struggling to fasten it once and than said that it is not far away so why such a fuss and that grandad (my dad who is policeman) will be careful. He might be but what about the other drivers! And just few days before this conversation there were people from the close village killed in a car crush and only kids survived only because they were in theirs car seats. And even that was not good enough for her.It drives me mad. I just can not trust her.

tribpot · 27/12/2005 18:20

That's so weird. I mean, taking them out when you have put them in first? What does it prove? Just cos your little ones will probably be fine, why not use the safest technology available?

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 18:54

Havent seen dh to tell him yet, sent him a txt asking him to pick the kids up on his way home from work. He will be home about half 7. He will probably just pull a face and wont say anything to her and if i carry on moaning he will tell me to stop critasising his mother, which i wont as I want it to sink in. We will argue, he will sulk, then i will say sorry for going on at him when i am annoyed and that I have calmed down now and we can talk about it properly, then i will repeat everything i said to him before but he will listen then as he will think he has got me to calm down and think sensibly, which i wont have but he doesnt know that... men!!

OP posts:
tribpot · 27/12/2005 19:31

Tempting to point out that I do believe your MIL is breaking the law - car seats have to be used if they are available. Any chance the local plod could come round at some point? (To see your dh I mean)

hunkermunker · 27/12/2005 19:33

Yep, agree, she either needs a friendly neighbourhood police visit or a hitman.

DH needs to grow a pair where his mother's concerned too by the sound of it.

Would be unable to see for the red mist if this had been DS and my own MIL - I'm afraid I'd have dismembered her.

FauveGoldRings · 27/12/2005 19:47

Following on from these later threads: rather than threaten to report her to the police, I would be inclined to find out who her local road safety bobby is, and then say to her that you know who he is - and say the name - and you'd like to ask him to come round to her house to convince her of the need for seatbelts. To me, that's a less extreme threat, but a serious one if she works with the police. She does need to register that this is not a game.

tribpot · 27/12/2005 19:54

I wouldn't moan about it when 'annoyed', I would simply say that in future your MIL won't be able to take the kids, much as you would not allow someone to take them in the car if they (not your kids)were drunk. It's just basic safety and that's the end of it. Why not throw in something about being concerned the police would come round to you if someone spotted your kids loose in the back of your MIL's car? I really would ask them if they could come round when they have time - a friend of mine is a traffic policeman, and trust me, he would make time to convince some madwoman (sorry) that kids should be in car seats. It's not like they enjoy picking the pieces up, if you know what I mean. (Hoping your kids are home safely before you read that tamba).

Caligyulea · 27/12/2005 20:29

I honestly would have reported her to the police.

However, that may not be best for family harmony. But I would never let her take the children in her car again, until they are old enough not to need car seats or boosters.

Another thing to add to her "in my day" crap. The rate of children dying in cars in car accidents (as opposed to as pedestrians) has plummeted quite dramatically in the last 25 years, since the use of proper restraining seats has become the norm. In her day, many many more children died or were seriously injured - brain damaged, limb loss, paralysis, etc., than now. Nowadays, children have a couple of bruises where in her day, they would have had brain damage.

What a f**king silly cow.

Anniek · 27/12/2005 21:23

I hate that in my day rubbish, my FIL says it a lot and one day I lost my temper and shouted, "yeah well they used to throw sh*t in the streets, but don't you prefer indoor plumbing..."

He never said it again...

ExpatNat · 27/12/2005 21:54

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare!!
I don't know if I would be brave enough to call the police, but I'd definitely have it out with her about it. My FIL has done the same thing before, and he always used the excuse that my DH used to ride in the back of a truck or without a seatbelt, etc etc. Also, the "just going down the road" bit is just retarded. I keep thinking about this commercial they have here where there's a car backing out of the driveway and some idiot is speeding down the street and they have an awful smash. It doesn't MATTER where they're going, the kids need to be in a seatbelt, and if she'll undermine you on something so vital, I feel sorry for you. She must be a real pill to deal with on the small stuff too.
On a side note, I had to laugh my head off at your explanation of how you would tell your DH......it was very well thought-out!

Miaou · 27/12/2005 22:06

I read somewhere (in fact I think it was on here, quoted by another mner) that most accidents happen within a four-mile radius of home - so "just going up the road" is statistically more dangerous than going up the motorway to Scotland. (Or England in my case.)

Skribble · 27/12/2005 22:14

I can understand MIL's being a bit flumixed by all this new fangled faffing about with car seats, but as you strapped them in to the seats and she took them back out that goes beyond even logic. There are times to let things go and let MIL do it here way, but this is not one of those times.

I really would question her intentions, who would really want to drive any distance with a loose baby and toddler. At least when they are strapped into their seats they can't get up to as much.

suedonim · 27/12/2005 22:34

Yegods, what's the matter with the woman???? I'd have phoned the police, tbh, and I wouldn't care a jot about her job or family harmony. There wouldn't be any happy familes if anything happened to your children. Even now, after the event, I'd speak to the police and ask them to have a word in her shell-like. She's not responsible enough to be in charge of children.

CaRowlers · 27/12/2005 22:41

When I was about 10, the mother of a boy at my school had a baby.
Her husband was driving from their house into the village (about 200 yards) and she was in the front passenger seat with baby in arms.
The husband had to brake suddenly, baby flew out of mothers arms, through the windscreen and died instantly.
They were only doing 10-15 miles per hour.
The family never got over it.

This is appaling behaviour on the part of your MIL.
Be strong and be firm. Your husband needs to be strong and firm too.
I'm also aghast that your SIL is turning a blind eye.

SnowQueenVictoria · 27/12/2005 22:42

too true Miaou.

I was involved in a serious car accident just 1 mile from home. I was a passenger and the seat belt, whilst it caused a good proportion of my injuries, saved my life (the car, a fiat panda, hit a parked truck and flipped over).

My friend (the son of our neighbours) was killed by a drink driver just half a mile from his home.

Your MIL needs a short sharp shock tamba. Easy for me to type i guess but the point isnt so much she couldnt be bothered but that she deliberately took them out of their seats. What on earth was she thinking? How could she ever believe that to be appropriate?

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 23:30

hmmm well have talked to DH and as i expected he didnt even seem remotly annoyed.

It seems that mil knows i had seen - she must have glanced up as i was looking out of the window, as when dh got there she was all ready with her excuses.. She said ds2 (age 1) was moaning about goinging into his seat so she took him out of it. What would any normal person do?? ignore the moaning? Get me to come and sort him out? Take him back to the house and just take the older child? Nope she decided to risk there lives instead

I have told DH that she will only be allowed to take the children in the car if I am there too, ensuring that they are safe. He said "yeah ok then" He is not bothered at all. As far as he is concerned whats done is done and there is no point getting worked up about it. I disagree. I say we were lucky this time, next time our children could end up hurt or dead.

Sometimes i despair of them all. Why do I come across as neurotic and over protective when I know and you know I am in the right. All i can do is stop it happening to my children again. As for Sil, well as harsh as it seems it is not my place to speak for her. I will be giving her a leaflet as well and crossing my fingers that she has the sense to put her foot down and protect her children

OP posts:
hativity · 27/12/2005 23:52

perhaps you need a "Tamba is not neurotic she is an entirely rational normal mum" petition signed by lots of mn-ers...

Original poster
tamba · 27/12/2005 23:53

I would show her this thread except MN is my secret hiding place from the prying eyes of MIL

OP posts:
TwoIfBySea · 27/12/2005 23:54

Show your dh the photos then Tamba, maybe that will give him a shake up.

I also hate that "in my days.." excuse nonsense. Well, in her days how many children were badly injured and killed by being thrown through the windscreen?

When I was in Primary 6 one of my mum's friends lost her parents in a car accident and her son and daughter (a year older and two years younger than me) were very badly injured. No one was wearing a seatbelt and the daughter sailed right through the windscreen, she sadly died at 17 after getting into the car with a drunk driver. I have always been religious about car safety, drink drivers, ever since.

Your MIL took unnecessary risk with your childrens lives and made a mockery of your concern. Really, I would tell her about the law as she seems to disregard that too. And if you know she has the other 2 in the car at a certain time then an anonymous phone call to the police will soon sort her out.

hativity · 27/12/2005 23:54

can you imagine it? your mil on mn? shudder

hunkermunker · 27/12/2005 23:56

Tamba, your MIL is putting your children at risk of death to undermine you. I would sever all contact with her.

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