The fourth WIIT thread travels far and wide, with tales of new adventures to share.

[100years]

Hello Ladies,

Here is the 4th WIIT thread for our enjoyment.

Stats will have to follow at a later date, as I can't check back to see where everyone is accurately at the moment.

Get posting and lets see where this thread takes us. :)

old thread

SPR, don't worry I will not make it March as it would be ace for you to come along. And looks like it would need to be end of May to make sure AC can come along after TBT. :) Might need to pencil in a date soonish to make sure we can do something.

Bebe, I take it your lurgy has gone now? It doesn't feel like a week ago since I posted properly, but it obviously is.

SPR it is lovely to have someone else to share baby things with :) Twins wow :) I had no worries about the prospect of having twins if it had happened, and getting pregnant while breastfeeding has a higher incidence of twins, so if anything were to happen while I'm feeding I know there is that chance! And as strawberry says Labour is am amazing experience.

AC great that your maternity policy works out like that :)

Had a long weekend in Leeds at the weekend. LO was fab, although she's still having the occasional 'meltdown' But seems to be (fingers crossed I don't jinx it) sleeping a bit longer at night, at least one long stretch each night now which is fab, so last night I managed a 5 1/2 hr sleep. Was great to catch up with a load of friends there :)

I'm now up to 1800mls of milk for the milk bank :) Go me :) Managing to do about 200mls each morning, sometimes more sometimes slightly less, so saving some for LO and the majority for the milk bank.

Taken LO swimming again as she had a bad eye last week and we couldn't go, but we went this week and she had 3 dunkings. She was fine for the majority of the session, but did have a few tears part way through.

I'm trying to think of what else there is to say, and I'm stuck at the moment. When I go away from here I will think of something to say I'm sure!

Wow 100years that's amazing, what a nice thing to be able to do! What does your OH make of it all?

Glad you enjoyed your weekend in Leeds, it's great when you get to see old friends isn't it? I have to make more of an effort with mine, before they all forget who I am!

Feeling a bit down today thinking about the next long six months and particularly Christmas. Exciting to be doing TBT but can't help but see it as an obstacle to getting what a want and not a lovely holiday. Maybe it's just glum time of the month.

100 that is really impressive. Is it used for premmies?

AC, sorry you're feeling like that - from an outside perspective it looks like you've just achieved a few major coups in a row and have got the stars to line up in a really good way - but I can understand how having done that the waiting stretch is still interminable. Is there anything else you can fit in the 'waiting' bit to make it feel less like waiting, iyswim? Maybe set some fitness targets or something?

The TTC plans over here have had a curveball thrown in too. I've been umming and ahhing about telling you guys this but could do with the support and perspectives really. Basically, my younger sister found out this week (and confided in me) that she is unintentionally pregnant - failed condom, failed MAP. She is 3 months into her NQT year, on a temp contract, so not ideal timing-wise at all. But the real issue is that her boyfriend is not ready at all. They're both in shock, facing a really hard set of choices and I'm trying to support her.

Whilst obviously her emotional wellbeing and making the right choice are paramount, we're both aware of the irony of the fact that if it had happened to me, not her, it would all be pretty straightforward and probably a happy accident. She (bless her) feels guilty on one level because she knows I've been waiting to TTC for a long time - I've told her not to be stupid. It's all a bit of a big old mess really. The only slight saving grace is that DP and I came very very close, before we knew, to throwing caution to the wind this month but didn't as we got interrupted - otherwise I'd potentially be on the 2WW which would be, frankly, a horrendous set of circumstances when my sister is off to Marie Stopes to talk about her options. But basically, my TTC plans are going right on the backburner for as long as it takes to support my sister through, one way or the other.

Sorry, this is a bit of a ramble and quite sensitive stuff but I'm really feeling like having an outlet with some people who understand all the issues would be helpful.

Oh Quod what a nightmare! Your poor sister must be going out of her mind. Right in the middle of the NQT year is not ideal, aren't the first two years of teaching meant to be by far the most demanding physically and mentally. Looking on the bright side, at least she's not in the middle of the PGCE.

You must have very mixed feelings about it all, after all the time you and DP have spent meticlously planning and dithering and worrying about the timing of your own DC. I guess in some ways it puts all those concerns in perspective. As you say, if it had happened to you rather than her, it would have been a happy accident.

She is lucky to have a lovely sister to talk about it with.

Thanks AC that's a lovely thing to say. Yes it totally puts all our dithering in perspective, but I think the thing that I'm sad about from my own POV is that I'd always imagined my sister and I enjoying each other's pregnancies together in an uncomplicated way that somehow might not be possible now, or might be different :(

The NQT year is a bastard - and her dates would mean she'd possibly not even complete it if she went ahead with the pg as she wouldn't get to the end of the academic year. I just feel really sad that this has happened to her and she's in such a horrid position.

Oh Quod, I'm not sure I have any real words of wisdom at all. What bloody awful timing for your poor sister and the toughest decision for her to make. Hope she makes the right decision for her, sending hugs and supportive vibes for you all.

SPR, hope u are having a lovely holiday... Not at all !!!

Have the delights of a visit from my MIL today, last thing I want when I have the period from hell. Cramps so bad this morning they felt like contractions and made me physically sick! I'm never like that so not sure why it's so bad!

What happens if you don't complete the year? Do you have to repeat it when you go back after maternity leave? I was so paranoid about this happening to me when I was a trainee, it was my biggest relief upon qualifying.

Bebe that doesn't sound normal. I hope you're ok.

Bebe and [thereisn'tahotwaterbottleone]. Ow poor you.

Been out with sis this pm. She had a pretty shitty time at the clinic - was booked in for counselling but there was a godawful mix-up and she ended up instead with a very blunt and unfriendly woman scanning her (with the screen visible) and then demanding to know which procedure she wanted to book for. Poor sis was barely able to articulate for crying that she hadn't made a decision and just wanted to talk to someone .
If she doesn't complete the NQT year she could come back and finish it where she'd left off apparently, but she would have to find another job to do that most likely as she's on a one-year temp contract now so hardly likely they'd keep her on.
She's actually dealing with it all remarkably well and her OH is actually being really good, but it's still horrible seeing her wrestle with all that.

Oh dear god how awful for her, as if she's not going through enough. Really services for woman are just crap aren't they, you don't really believe it till it happens to somebody you know. I'm glad her OH is being supportive.

Thanks guys! :) Having some chocolate, still feel rubbish but think the fact that I have a cold coming & a bad back (still) is making it all seem worse!!

Quod - That is just horrendous your poor DSis, how insensitive. Lovely that her OH is being so supportive. The option that she could re-start her NQT year is good though, even if it's not straightforward.

AC, my OH is really cool about it, he has been very supportive of it. Most of the friends we saw are friends of my OH initially, ones I have made through him, but a couple I knew without being introduced by him, it's odd, I don't have a huge number of friends, the one is only about 15 miles from me, the others are a distance away. But I only have one person who I still contact from when I was at school. Makes me a bit :( I used to think I must be a bad person, but I realised that I was bullied a lot and so rightly so I wouldn't have kept contact with a lot of the people I thought were friends. I wouldn't think of it as a long 6 months, maybe think of it as the last 6 months of ultimate freedom, when you start TTC it might take over your life and then you will be thinking about 2ww, symptom spotting OPKs, when to SWI etc etc etc. Although I reckon you would probably enjoy going through those things now, you have a few months to not have to worry about them. I'm probably just talking shit, I know how the last few months before we started I was quite desperate to start!

Quod, yeah mostly premmies and very sick babies whose mothers can't express or feed themselves. It's something I wanted to do when I was pregnant and always expected to have enough milk to do it, as it is I have ample, and usually manage to express over 200mls, so do 200 for the milk bank and the rest for LO, however OH is now helping with the settle to bed routine, so I may end up doing 100 for the milk bank so there is more for LO at night as he fed her tonight and then she immediately took another decent feed from me!

Re your sister, wow, that must be hard for both of you. For her she has the big decision on what to do, I would hate to be in a situation like that, I always said I wouldn't ever abort if I had got pregnant by accident, but I do understand people who choose to. It must be horrible for her to be thinking of what to do, one way she is missing the end of her NQT year, the other way she is missing having a baby, either of which she might regret in the long run, it's which she would 'regret' more. It's a very emotive subject and a decision that only she and her BF can make, but either way she will need (and I have no doubt, get) support from you. Also for you, having waited for so long it's hard to see someone else get pregnant and be facing a massive decision about it. I remember my sister ringing me the once with 'big news' and me feeling a bit "oh I hope she isn't pregnant" as I wanted it so badly at the time, I would have been very chuffed for her, but also felt a bit jealous, she wasn't in a stable position at the time and it would have been very hard for her, but as it happened she wasn't, but I did feel a bit bad for thinking that. Hugs for you.

I wrote that bit before I read your later post about the clinic appointment. How horrible, what a thing to do, people go there for something that is a big, massive and usually very very hard decision, to have someone be unfriendly and blunt about which procedure they want shouldn't happen whether they have made that decision or not. Did she get someone to talk to in the end?

Bebe, hope your cramps ease off and that your cold comes to nothing.

Really busy week this week! The next day I have chance to do very little is Saturday, although technically it's friday, but it's 12 week jabs then, so it will be an odd day as I don't know how she will be after them. Yes LO will be 12 weeks this coming friday!!! OMGG, 12 weeks. I think she's stirring from sleep now, so I'm going to post this and nip off otherwise I won't have posted anything at all!

Quod - how is your sister? Hope you are all ok, sending un MNy

100 - I think it's such a fab thing that you are doing re:milk bank. Would have loved to have been able to do something like that! Well done you! :)

It's my wedding anniversary today. So far, better than my birthday! :)

Box of sea shell chocs, not uber posh but I do love them, and Michael Buble Christmas CD which I wanted Tesco Finest Meal Deal jobby for tonight. Made DH some Marzipan fruits (4 years, is fruit and flowers & I have exhausted gift ideas for Christmas & his birthday (January)) so he is pleased with those, and I think they look great...even if I do say so myself! This time 4 years ago I was about 5 weeks PG!

Aww happy anniversary Bebe! Nice to see your DH has pulled his socks up.

My sis is OK thanks. I went with her yesterday to her re-scheduled counselling session which she found really helpful. She's still entirely in two minds about it all but coping really well. (She said to me, 100, that she always thought she'd never be able to consider a termination before this happened either). The job situation might not be as bad as first feared but her OH is still a long way off ready for parenthood, and that's really the main issue. He's very much a pragmatist, whereas she's a 'consider it from all sides/anything can be turned into a positive' type person. I really have no idea which way they'll swing, and they've got a couple more weeks to decide if they need them. Had to admit to my DP last night that I do find it emotionally draining supporting her and being as neutral as she needs me to be, when actually I will be really sad if she terminates, even though it may well be the best thing for them IYSWIM?

100 I think your milkbanking is an incredible thing to do too.

How's everyone else?

Quod - Glad the 2nd appt went well. Must be so awful and draining emotionally. Like I said before, really hope she makes the right decision for her, whatever that might be. I don't think anyone really knows how they truly feel about termination until they have been in the situation where they have to consider it. So tough! :(

Thanks both re the milk bank comments :) I took the milk in the other day and then discovered that someone I work with had her baby at 27 weeks gestation! has been discharged this week after 10 weeks in hospital. Baby shouldn't even have been born yet!

Happy anniversary Bebe, glad your DH did a good job on your birthday and didn't do the same as your birthday.

Quod, it's totally normal to find it hard to support your sister. Hugs

Tired out today! Feeling a bit where is the big armchair, fire and hot choc and cake! Could easily fall asleep if I was given the chance.

Oh god 100years please don't say that about it taking over my life - after all this waiting I can't bear to contemplate it taking us a long time, even though I know it's more than likely at my age. Thinking of the last six months of ultimate freedom is a better thought, although freedom to do what I don't know! I might dig out that list I did -years- ages ago of things to do before ttc and check I've done them all. Maybe add some more if I can think of any.

Anyway OV'ing now, so there's January's OV, Feb, March, April and then suppose we could TTC at the beginning of May, I'm just not sure of my dates and don't want to get it wrong and miss out on mat pay. How is it calculated I wonder.

Good to hear that your DH is supportive of all the milk donation, it must take up a lot of your time. Don't wear yourself out! How lovely to think you are helping all the premature babies to battle through those first weeks. What an amazing gift.

How does it all work? Has the milk bank given you storage jars and stuff to use? Do they come to your place and collect it? Do you freeze it?

How were the 12 week jabs? Was Edith good? Did -you- she cry?

Ohh xposted! Hello!

Bebe I'm really glad you had a nice anniversary. Well done Mr Bebe! Did you know you were pg at 5 weeks? Had you just found out at the time of your anniversary?

I shall know where to send all the seashell chocs I get now, I really don't like them but I always seem to get them as presents!

Quod glad to hear things are going ok. It's not a nice situation, but it sounds like she has a lot of good support and loving people around her. When I was doing my legal training, particularly the academic stages I'm pretty sure I would have terminated a an accidental pregnancy, but as you say how can you know what you would do until you are actually in the situation and know how you feel?

I am not surprised that you are finding it emotionally draining supporting her and being neutral. I would be feeling exactly the same if it was my sister. Such conflicting emotions.

Hello AC :) To be fair, the TTC did 'take over' my life the first month, but I hated that side of always thinking about it and so I made an effort to not let that happen in the second month and low and behold that's when I got pregnant. I'm not saying that I got pregnant because I was more chilled about it, but at least it was a more relaxed month :) But I know for some it can.

Re mat pay, will be different for every company, ours went on a estimated week of delivery(EWD) thing as opposed to an EDD, but the pay only starts from the date you book the leave to start. It's if you are off work sick that things change wrt the EWD.

The milk donation takes up about half an hour altogether, plus the washing the pump time later on, and LO sits in her bouncy chair and smiles and coos at me and most of the time I time it so she has a little nap while I'm pumping :) They give you the bottles to use and you fill them (100ml bottles) and freeze them, then when you have a few (or run out of freezer room) then you drop them off at the hospital. They don't unfortunately have the collection service anymore, but it's only a few miles from me and it's an out.

Thanks for asking. Her 12 week jabs weren't as good as the 8 week jabs. She was a big whingey before we went in as I had had to wake her up from a nap after she had only been asleep a few mins and I think she was hungry and so was a bit off before she was jabbed, so the jabs this time made her cry properly, but once she had started feeding after she was fine. I'm fine about having them done tbh, I have no worries about it and take a pragmatic view on the whole thing, it's something she needs to have done, and I've never worried about me getting jabs so I'm not worried about her having her jabs. I'm not a nervous person about things like that tbh.

Our mat pay is a year's continuous service by the eleventh week before the EWD. What's the difference between EWD and EDD? Do they use the date the doctor gives as the due date, and is that always calculated by reference to the first day of the last period before conception I wonder? There must be a website on this surely! I suppose any sane person would just leave a month's buffer before TTC!

I'm glad she's ok after the jabs, poor little thing having a cry. It must be strange for her. Not the same but we had to take the cat the the vet for a blood test last night and he had to have a patch of fur shaved from his neck and then the blood drawn from his neck while a vetinary nurse held his head back. Poor little thing must have wondered what on earth was happening.

AC that sounds totally confusing, I'm lost already!
From what I've read the doctor date (which is vague as doesn't take account of different cycle lengths and assumes 28 days) is sometimes adjusted/corrected at dating scans. Have had to look up all this to help my sister work out dates and time limits, which (shockingly again) she's had confusing info on.

We've talked a bit about how, if she does decide not to continue the pregnancy, one thing she's worried about is that she's going to find it very hard to deal with people close to her having babies, which is totally understandable. Obviously this extends to me - I'm trying to put out of my head the little (selfish) voice asking how it will affect our TTC plans and what we should do (oh god it all just seems impossible) until she's actually made a decision. Such terrible timing really all round.

AC I hate having to hold pets to be treated at the vet! So distressing! I can't imagine what it would be like with a baby.

Any exciting weekend plans anyone? I'm working both today and tomorrow, but off out in a bit for a friend's birthday drinks (DP is away all weekend again).

PS - I feel like a pretty awful person even thinking the above, let alone writing it down

Right, AC... EWD/EDD/11th week stuff
Let's work on how it was for me and see if that helps you.
My work week for HR purposes starts on a Sunday.
My EDD was Thursday 1st Sept.
My EWD started on Sunday 28th August.
My 11th week before EWD was June 12th.
My LMP was actually 30th Nov, but my date was brought forward at the scan which made my LMP look like it was 25th Nov! So bear that in mind...
EDD is the date that they give you at the scan, so although my EDD from my LMP was the 6th Sept, after the scan I was given an EDD of 1st Sept which is what I had to put down for work purposes. They then work on that to do the EWD.
I think it's standard that the 11th week before EWD is when you can actually start your maternity leave, so technically you could have worked a year and then start your maternity leave at the point where you also qualify for your work's maternity pay. When I hit the 11th week before EWD I was 28+3 wks pregnant, if your EDD is a Saturday then you would be 28+1 at that point! So I could have started my mat leave at only just over 28 weeks pregnant!

If I were you I would work back from your 12 month point at work. To be safe count back no more than 27 weeks in case your EDD is moved forward like mine was. Then consider that point to be the safe point to start TTC. If your period is a few days before that then check the dates carefully before going for it. If you want to PM your dates and where you think you can TTC after I'd be happy to look at them as well to help you. I'm not an expert, but I can be a fresh pair of eyes if it helps. What I've written looks really confusing now, but I have re read it and re written it about 10 times and that's not helped me. I'm happy to PM stuff if you want to.

Yeah, must be weird having someone come along and stick something sharp in you when you can't understand what it is. She's pretty good though, and only one more set in 3 weeks time until she is about 12 months old. Your poor kitty too.

Quod, you are not an awful person at all. I have to put LO to bed now, but I'll PM you as soon as I can.

Oh Quod I don't think it should affect your TTC plans too much and I'm sure your sister wouldn't want it to. Obviously you can't rush in immediately and make an announcement next month, but you put TTC on hold for whatever indeterminate period you imagine it might take for her to adjust. And I'm sure she wouldn't want you to.

Also, when there was all that furore about the Eastenders baby snatching story line a lot of the testimonies from women who'd lost babies were about how other women having babies didn't make any difference to them at all, their grief was all focused on the loss of their own baby and other people having or not having babies didn't matter. So her worries might be justified, but then again they might not.

No exciting plans this weekend, nothing to do at all. Been to DH's grandma's for lunch, then Sainsbury's and am now moping out on my own watching telly as DH is out with his big band of mates, whereas all my friends either have smal children or are pregnant, or live miles away, or both, or all three. Going to my mum and dad's for tea tomorrow. Yesterday went to the vet and then to my mother in law's. Grim!