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Original poster

Gay

80 replies

welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:36

Do you honestly think a man can look at gay sites and maybe even chat to men and not be gay?

Do you think he will ever act on these feelings?

I stupidly helped a married friend search her hubbys pc histoty, msn chat logs websites visited etc.

Shes in bits, do you think he will come out? Do you think some men just browse and be curious?

They have no children, both 25 and he has had many sexual partners before her, all female as far as she knows

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 12/12/2005 12:38

I suppose they could browse and be curious - but wouldn't expect, if this was the case, for it to be sustained viewing of a multitude of these sites. Just a one -off look

SecondhandRose · 12/12/2005 12:42

What made her want to look up what he's been looking at? She must have been suspicious of him in some way?

snowfalls · 12/12/2005 12:42

From observation straight men are normally repusled by gay men, Does he have any mated that could have been on these sights.

Twiglett · 12/12/2005 12:44

yes I do think he could still be straight

he might be bi-curious, or looking for a friend .. or just nosy

I'd be concerned about the relationship anyway though because I think snooping on your partner is wrong

Mistletoo · 12/12/2005 12:44

I agree snowfalls

MascaraOHara · 12/12/2005 12:44

I think yes he could look and not act on it. He might be curious, he might have always had these feelings but have not dared act on them. He may just be interested. It may be nothing at all

Some men have gay experiences and are straight, he's obviously not out and out gay but I do know somebody who didn't come out until he was in his late 20's (and I'd slept with him) although I have to say I wasn't surprised when I heard.

Might be worth sitting on the info for a bit.

Twiglett · 12/12/2005 12:44

I know many straight men who are not repulsed by gay men ... we must be observing different people snowfalls

Heathcliffscathy · 12/12/2005 12:45

from my observation straight men that are repulsed aren't very comfortable with their own homosexual feelings!

having said that, i understand your friends' concern if there was loads and loads of this stuff in his history (but question why she felt the need to find out in such an underhand way?)

i think the only thing to do is talk to him about it, she'll have no peace at all until she does....

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:45

No its not his mates, there are a lot of sites, dating sites such as outpersonals. I went on it at home and there is a profile with his nickname on it. (His favourite footballers name)

I thought that, about straight men being repulsed by gays.
And yes, she was suspicious because he shuts his msn down when she comes into room

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Mistletoo · 12/12/2005 12:46

perhaps not 'repulsed' by the men themselves but the thought of what they get up to and actually searching on the web to see - well, yes!

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:46

Its not for me to judge whether its right for her to search his history or not, shes my oldest friend.

I just did the techincal part of it

Wish I hadnt now

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snowfalls · 12/12/2005 12:48

If my husband ever looks at my history he would be shocked, because I am always googling things for MNers ie
the symptoms for gentital warts
bedroom slippers
cowstyle wellington boots
and many mant more

so there could be an explanation for it.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 12/12/2005 12:49

If he was only looking at gay sites then I'd think curiosity, but if he's been chatting to gay men and he's entered his details on a gay matching site, then I would be very suspicious that he is in fact bi-sexual.

But regardless of who he likes, he has betrayed her by going behind her back to roam dating and porn sites.

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:50

What about the dating profile?

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QueensSpeechEagle · 12/12/2005 12:50

It doesn't necessarily mean he is gay, just curious. Trust me, I know from first hand experience. Nor does it mean he will act on it. Just likes looking.

Can your friend not accept he likes to look and be happy with it? Does it affect their relationship adversely? If not, then no harm imo.

MascaraOHara · 12/12/2005 12:51

I have to say if he's entered a profile then that's wrong.. gay, bi or straight I think that is betrayal. I don't think it would be acceptable if it was a hetro site so I don't think that it should be acceptable because it is a gay one.

I tak bakc the post I wrote earlier, I would def. have it out with him if that were the case!

handlemecarefully · 12/12/2005 12:51

I think straight men who are not repulsed by gay men are probably very secure in their own heterosexuality actually! ...and conversely an extreme reaction (repulsion)to gay men by a heterosexual man may well be indicative of some self doubt / anxieties about their own sexuality...

Having said that a sustained interest in homosexual porn (rather than a one-off look) would be a worry.

I have looked at lesbian porn (once) on the internet before and I have no lesbian inclinations (but would admit it if I had since I don't find this taboo). With me it was just through following a link on an unsolicited email in my inbox

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:52

Personally Id confront him

But she said shes not going to, would rather not know

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Mistletoo · 12/12/2005 12:53

so are guys who look at children in porn 'just curious'?

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:54

God no, but theres another thread altogether

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TheFish · 12/12/2005 12:55

Wb HOW embarassing for you! god tell su what she did said

QueensSpeechEagle · 12/12/2005 12:56

Having a profile on any site without the partners knowledge is def wrong, but if both are upfront about the intentions for having one, then that isn't wrong imo. Key thing is that both partners are happy with it.

handlemecarefully · 12/12/2005 12:56

Christ! - hardly the same Mistletoo fgs!!!

I shouldn't have to spell this out but clearly I do. Child porn is fecking evil, but homosexuality is not. So it is okay to be curious about homosexuality but not child porn. OK?

Sorry about my tone but you annoyed me there.

handlemecarefully · 12/12/2005 12:57

I shall probably be apologising more profusely in a minute for getting irate - just give me a moment.

Original poster
welshboris · 12/12/2005 12:57

It was awful, she was pottering about as I was doing it, I had to tell her the truth but it killed me to do it

You know that feeling when your stomach sinks?

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