Embarrassing Moments

[Jodee]

Ever felt like hanging your head in shame or wishing the ground would swallow you up?

I felt like that this week - we have a lot of foxes in our town, they seem to outnumber the cats. On binday, many people put their rubbish out the night before and the foxes take great delight in ripping the bags to shreds and leaving a nice trail of decomposing food. I only put out the non-perishables and nappies, leaving the food rubbish for the morning.

I went out early to put out the food rubbish and found to my horror a whole weeks worth of smelly nappies and nappybags strewn up the road! I got dh out of bed and he managed to pick up a lot of them, but most had been mashed by passing cars leaving all that horrible gel stuff everywhere. I could feel the curtains twitching and later in the day people pointing at the mashed nappies! Trust the dustmen not to come until the afternoon which made it worse!

A bloke I know was showing off on the treadmill next to a lovely woman. Unfortunately he sneezed and a big green one flew out and got stuck on the window in front of them! It always makes me laugh whenver I think of it! It's disgusting but very funny, and the fact that he could tell it against himself was really good of him too.

I once did monitor duty in an exam and a lady had a 'flood' situation. I don't know how I knew, but I knew immediately what had happened, I made her sit tight (oops) and complete the exam, then we had to wait till everyone went from the room, find her a long coat and the nearest loo. She was absolutely mortified. I felt awful for her but there was nothing else I could think of to do. I don't think to this day that anyone else in the room was aware of what had happened, suffice to say the chair had to be incinerated. Its been belt and braces for me in exams ever since that day.

Kia, that would my WORST nightmare!

LOL Pamina, to show your knickers in public once is bad enough, but to do it twice is just being an exhibitionist!

My friend lent a book to her neighbour. He returned it a couple of weeks later, with the cryptic message that he had "looked after her book mark". Upon opening the book, she recalled that in lieu of anything more suitable she'd used a spare panty liner!

This isn't my embarrassing moment, but had me positively gawping! We've got a lovely public paddling pool on our beach, a friend and I were down there with our children last summer chatting away while the children played. We noticed this younger woman who was wearing a bra and cami-knickers ( unususal attire anyway ), who when she bent over to scoop the baby in the water, was completely unaware that her tampon was literally hanging out. Eventually some braver woman than I whispered to her, and I thought that she'd head off to the loo to sort it out. To my total, gawping horror, she sat on the edge of the paddling pool ( summer, totally packed), reached down and shoved (no other word adequately describes it) the tampon back in!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaagh! Mel that has to be the number one! I cannot imagine anything sooooo bad. Truly cringeworthy in the awfullest sense!!

Mel- Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Kia, I'm afraid I had a similar greeny moment of my own. Years ago, first date, out on new boyfriends car I got caught out by one of those sudden sneezes that you get no warning about and out shot a huge wet greeny on to the side window. He was HORRIFIED and I'm afraid I just killed myself laughing. (What else could I do?)

When my twins were younger (and not even remotely potty trained- clue to nature of embarrassing tale that follows!) I put them bare bottomed on our sofa prior to getting them nappied, dressed and ready to accompany me to a drop-in. Pushing them along in the double buggy I was troubled by a faint unpleasant smell and checked my shoes for dog poo a few times. I also thought I was getting some funny looks but decided I must be imagining things. Alas, I wasn't. As I was lifting the boys out of their buggy my hand brushed against the back of my T shirt and came away BROWN!!!! Those little gits had pooed on the sofa, I'd plonked myself down smack bang in the middle of it to dress them and then walked down the street and into a nice clean drop-in covered in shite!! I was utterly and completely mortified and had to chuck my boys into the arms of the bemused drop-in organiser while I ran to the toilet and changed into a manky old jumper that was (luckily)in the bottom of the buggy!!

It's the oblivious bit i love about all these stories. And yes, midge what else could you do. my treadmill bloke said he just carried on running as the greeny slid down the glass!

I do remember in the yuppy 80s of a puffed up director we knew and despised getting wasted at a company do and retiring to bed naked on a settee in the conference hotel reception!!

My daughter could fart for England at a very early age amplified by supermarket trolley seats! She looked so angelic that I gave up saying it was her to passers by!

LOL, Kia. My tiny baby also farted very loudly in the crowded but silent lift of a posh deparmtent store once. I nearly had an embarrassing moment myself, trying not to laugh!

There was a chap at my gym who was completely unaware of the fact that he "popped out" of his ludicrously tight shorts while doing sit-ups. I was with my gym instructor and I thought we would both explode from trying not to laugh. There wasn't a lot we could do apart from look away - I wasn't going to tell him that's for sure!

When we both still lived at home, my ex and I used to borrow a friend's flat when we wanted a bit of 'quality time' together. We didn't have a key to this flat, but if you shoved the door in a certain way it opened easily. One afternoon we went round there, knocked on the door, and because there was no answer, shoved the door open - only to find said friend and his (unfortunately rather shy) girlfriend stark naked in an EXTREMELY compromising position on the living room floor.

I swear to you all, it's true!! You could see the jaws dropping round the paddling pool like a Mexican wave!!!!!!!!!!

These things never seem to happen to me - luckily - but I do seem to have seen/heard a few.

1. Whilst parked outside a gym in Tampa, Florida ( sorting out hideous child who had released himself from the seatbelt), we noticed a man about 50, portly (that's polite!), on an excercise bike, facing the window. I don't know if he could see us (I'd like to think not!), but he stopped cycling, put his hand down the back of his shorts, had a good scratch and rummage and then had a good sniff of his fingers!! Yuck!!

1. A friend decided to add a bit of variety to her sex life and coated various bits of her anatomy with that whipped chocolate spray cream, arranged herself on the bed and called her husband. He came to the bedroom door, looked at my friend and then said: "I've never told you this, but I can't stand chocolate!"

Star I know someone else that happened to in a bar during a posh do. Oh I would want to die.

Aged 13. Wearing bikini. At local swimming pool. In front of boy I had huge crush on. Jumped in. Bikini top came off. Nuff said!!!

This didn't happen to me but to someone I know very well. She was at a funfair with various friends and family one busy summer's day and stepped off a ride over an air vent. Now we can only think that who ever was controlling the ride was waiting for a girlie to come along wearing a skirt, because as she stepped over the vent a massive gust of air came up blowing her skirt right up over her head, worse still she was wearing a thong, even worse she hadn't done her bikini line for a while and even even even worse still she had her period and had a super duper size Always poking out the edges!!

I was at a Uni ball in the late 1980's wearing one of those dresses with the boned, strapless tops and a short, very full swirly skirt. After quite alot to drink I was pursuaded to go on the bouncy castle. Bad idea. I ended up stuck over one of the big humps, with my stocking and suspendered bottom (yes, I was young and definitely not-married) exposed to all on-lookers (bouncy castle was in a sort of courtyard area, so that people could look on from the corridors above). However, to make matters worse, when some kindly chap helped me back into an upright position, my boobs had popped out of my bodice!!!!!
I was too pissed on the night to find it anything other than hilarious, but the next day I was mortified. Had to scuttle around campus with a big scarf and hat trying to avoid all the very obvious quips.

We should devote a whole thread to tampon/sanitary towel stories, these are hilarious!

I used to help run a group for toddlers called Messy Play, one day a friend of mine told me she wouldn't be able to come the next week but someone else would bring her son. The next week came, in came the little boy with a lady "Hello" I said "you must be Lisa's Mum" "No" she replied "I'm Lisa's sister". OOPS!