let's write an xmas play where no-one is traumatised

[Blandmum]

Once upon a time there was a class of children who were all equally important......

..they all wore glasses, and were all called Mary..

... and they were all Mary. There were no narrators.

And no one was a rock, except in the scene where they were all rocks......

..the teacher was a rock..

Even the boys were called Mary and could have sparkly wings and tinsel haloes if they so desired.

and the rock was the narrator...

Only the mean child whom no one liked got to be a narrator.

There's a part in the bible that mentions the 100,000 virgins (???) we can play that part and all of us get to be Mary. Otherwise we can organise a wild donkey stampede

No-one forgot their lines or burst into tears or was sick (an angel threw up in ds1's nativity one year).

and s/he also played Herod
(actualy the teacher played Herod, professional etiquette and all that)

and s/he also played Herod
(actualy the teacher played Herod, professional etiquette and all that)

But not if they didn't as some boys wouldn't be seen dead in tinsel and haloes so they could wear football kit and still have a part.

No-one had to wear a tea-towel on their head.

footballing shepherds

and everyone was on stage from beginning to end, in full view of adoring parents (without flash cameras)

and the person playing the piano did so in tune, with no embarrassing silences when the cue was missed..

The shy child for whom the whole thing is an ordeal can be behind the curtain and do clip-clopping with coconut shells for the donkey.

No-one in the audience has a coughing fit.

No babies/toddlers cry loudly and put all the performers off.

and the baby jesus is a football/horsey pegasus head depending on who wants to pick it up

And behold! there were no runny noses amongst the angels and no coughs to spoil the singing of the heavenly choir

and all the children were wearing lovely comfy warm shoes
(not like in dd's play last year when they were all barefoot, brrrrrr)

PMSL