my mum won't see my babies grow up

[noops]

the title says it all really,
she has been diagnosed with cnacer of the bladder with spread to liver and lungs
i saw her last week and she is pretty ill, they are talking about palliative chemo, but i am not sure if she will take it or if it will really be worth it for her.
she is pretty ill, vomiting and coughing
i reckon she won't make it past christmas.
i am just so sad that i don't live closer to her and that i have only just had my two children
she is 80 and i am 40 and the children are 2 and 12 weeks
i've just realised, my ds1 loves her but won't even remember her either.
god this is so hard, have just plonked ds1 in fromt of tv which i never do, but he is so whiney when he sees me sad.
out of all of my relatives, my mum is the only one i really understand and love and respect so it is gutting that she won't be around any more.
i will miss her so much...

Oh god Noops, I have no idea what to say. How terrible for you.

she is such a lovely woman, and has to put up with so nmuch pain anyway
ijust want to go and see her, but the 2 kids wear her out
my dad is a grumpy old man who looks after her very well, but is such a pedant.
i spent last week with them and i think i would have thumped him if it weren't for her there
my dh is away at the moment whcih makes it worse

Noops, I'm so sorry for you and your family.

I'm so sorry noops - I just can't imagine what you are feeling.

noops, how sad for you all.

oh you poor love [saad]

Even with the wearing out I imagine she would want to see them - for a short time anyhow.
So sorry.

Noops, if you can, make sure you have photos of your children with grandmother prominently displayed in your house.

Dd was a baby when her granny died and 2 when her grandpa died. She doesn't remember them, obviously, and didn't really notice the death of grandpa happening, but does talk about both of them in a very inclusive way ("I've got 2 grannies, but one's dead"). That way she will never be forgotten, and will always be part of their lives.

Sorry your going through this.

Hope that didn't come across as insensitive, btw, just how we handled the same sort of situation.

We did take dd to see Grandpa in hospital before he died, and she was able to understand that he was very poorly, and wasn't going to get better (didn't tell her that bit until after she'd seen him, obviously), but I think he appreciated being able to say goobye.

noops, I really am sorry to hear this (there but for the grace of God etc, I am 42 and my parents are 81 and 76, and I have young children too).
Is she strong enough to spend any time at all assembling a scrapbook of her life for them to look at? I have got mine working on this for this very reason. Is this something your grumpy old dad could help her with?
Is there any chance at all you can send her footage of the children - video?
Agree with Tissy that photos are a good way of keeping memories alive, but talking, if you can bear to, is even better. Dh's father died many years ago but our children both know his name and consider him a grandpa too.
So very sorry for you

thanks everyone, i have to go, baby to feed etc,
dh is not home tonight, so i will prob be back later kit will be a long night- feeding and i am sure it will be difficult for me to sleep

moop I understand. My mum was taken ill with non Hodgkin's Lymphoma earlier in the year and for reasons we will never know didn't tell anyone.

She was in intensive care for a month and then rallied and I thought she would make it but she died on 7th September. On 5th September I had found out I was pregnant but on discussing it with her nurses we decided not to tell her - she was pretty far gone at that point and they felt that even if she realised what we were saying to her it would have been too upsetting for her to realise that she would never see the baby or even a scan picture or anything .

Last year my dad died unexpectedly on 24th January, and I found out I was pregnant on 28th January!

Life is a bastard sometimes, but your mum will live on in her grandchild.

xx

moop???? I mean noops!!

Doh

She'll be glad to have met them at all though. My Grandma held on to meet my dd (her first great grand child) then died three weeks later.

I echo what someone else said. I treasure the photo I have of my Grandma with my dd.

So sorry noops. It must be so hard to hold it together for the kids. Have you anyone who can take them away to allow you time for your thoughts?

you can keep ds1's love for his grandma going by talking about her, hard as it may seem at first, in the years to come, and having pictures, stories and things she gave him
for the little one you can talk to him about what she was like and how excited she was about his birth
So sorry you are going through this.

Really sorry noops, for you are your family

I aagree, phtos and talking can help keep memories alive. If you mum is not too tired you might want to consider filling in a grandparent's book with her for your children. Fillit with you mum's memories and pictures, as well as photos with her and your children. Will be a book for your children to treasure as they grow up. Like this Just an idea.

I am so sorry noops ((((hugs))))

I cannot imagine facing this at this time of year with small children

Thinking of you.

So sorry noops{{{hugs}}}

My beloved Nan died when ds2 was 3 months, the photos I have of her and my two eldest are some of my most treasured possessions. I am sad that ds3 won't meet her, but in another way she had been in pain for 10 years. I'd echo the comments about getting as many phtos as you can. My friend lost both her Mother (exactly a year before her ds1 arrived, to the day) and her FIL a year after ds1's birth. The photos they have are displayed very beautifully, and talked abouta ll the time.
Thinking of you all. X

I'm so sorry about your mother, Noops, what an awful time for you all. If you can take your children to see your mother (without it making her too tired etc) then even if your little ones don't remember her themsleves you can still tell them in the future about their visits. My dad died when dd was only two but I can tell her tales of when she went to see Grandpa and it will always be a link with the past.

so sorry

Message withdrawn

noops - i kinda know what you are going through. The day after dd2 was born my dad had a biopsy and 2 weeks later he told me he had hodgkins lynphoma (terminal) but they had caught it early and he had chemo straight away. After 6 months of intensive chemo he got the all clear but in March his spleen ruptured due to the chemo so he had to have it removed asap. Things not going too bad he is still really weak and is on 48 tablets a day for pain relief, sleep problems, depression ect... Now he has been sent a letter to have a scan on his prostate - the dr thinks he might now have prostate cance. I am an only child (28yrs) and my kids are 7yrs and 18 months I hate the thought he may never see them grow up.