Getting it off my chest....

[Willow2]

Anyone want to join in on a thread just devoted to sounding off about (non parenting) things that have annoyed you? Well here goes...
I would like to say a big thank you to the absolute xxxxxx that pranged my car while it was parked outside my house sometime in the last 48 hours. The fact that you didn't feel it necessary to leave your details just adds to my love for you. You are probably one of the caring commuters who parks in my road (for free) all day before taking the train to town - glad that we can be of service. Nor should you let the
fact that your journey has turned our quiet little cul-de-sac where kids play footie in the street into the fifth lane of the M25 worry you in the least. And don't be perturbed by the fact that I, and all the other mums in the road, can now no longer park anywhere near our houses when we come home with the supermarket shopping and a car full of screaming kids. Hey, it's all just helps make our day even more fun. So thank you, nameless stranger, for completely annihilating the front of my car and losing me my no claims bonus. My week had looked really boring, now, thanks to you, there's so much to do... I have to go to the police station, get insurance quotes, fax my insurers and then wait for them to send an assessor round to view the damage. And then, if I am really lucky, I will lose the use of my car for several days. Gee things are looking up. You have really made my day.
Sorry chaps, just had to let it out.

I've got a friend who has been seeing a married man for years. He has 2 kids, aged 5 and 3? 4ish. The wife knew about this a few years ago, didn't want him to leave, forgave him and thinks it's all over. It isn't. He says he won't leave because of the kids. Oh what a nice man. Not. Now friend is talking about having a baby (he knows + says ok) since she is 36 and wants one. I feel really sorry for the wife in all this. (She could even be here for all I know) and can hardly bear to talk to the friend about it. I understand that she wants a baby but what does she think she is doing?!!! The wife will be devastated (if she finds out) so will his children, so possibly will friend. I think she'll resent his other kids and the time he spends with them and will end up very badly in the whole thing. Thanks for listening, I feel better for ranting about it. I don't see a whole lot of her (about once every 3 months) but it makes my blood boil every time we talk. I just imagine being in the wife's position and shudder.

Ooooh - I would stay well out of it if I were you. Personally I would have a show down with so-called mate to tell them exactly what I think of them and then resolve never to get in touch with them again. In the end, she will be the victim too as she will have to rear said baby on her own, maybe she thinks he will leave wife if she has his kid? If so she is seriously deluded. Her friends will desert her and she will find herself alone and struggling.

I guess you could make contact with this married man and tell him that you know all and unless he makes up to his wife, you will spill the beans. Not that I go in much for blackmail, but if you really felt sorry for his wife.... It's up to you whether or not you carry out your threat. Are you sure his wife does not know? Maybe she is happy turning a blind eye?

Anyway, completely off the thread, but I noticed by your nickname that you must come from up North (just call me Sherlock!), have you looked at the Northern Mumsnet meet-up thread?

Thanks Rhubarb! Agree, she is a silly, deluded, selfish cow. Showdown isn't an option since we both live in a smallish place + small places and feuds don't sit well together. Wish I could tell man but wouldn't know how to get hold of him. Would feel bad telling wife, but could probably get hold of her if I wanted to (don't know her but know her name and location etc). Will stay out of it and fume here instead. And I'm not actually in the North any more but thanks anyway

Northernlass, my advice is don't get involved, in terms of telling wife what is going on, or speaking to the 'man' involved... you will not be thanked and you really could make a bad situation worse. Maybe this couple has an understanding that your friend, the lover, hasn't been told about. Lets face it he is definately lying to someone! Maybe, so long as it doesn't touch their homelife everyone pretends life is hunkydory? Who knows? He's a shit and one does feel for his wife, and his children but as you are not a friend of theirs and you are not directly involved my advice would be don't get involved. As for your friend: it is possible to be friends and not agree with something said friend is doing. Just be honest. When/if the subject is raised tell her it stinks, tell her if he lies to his wife he probably lies to her. If he can dump on one woman and their children he will probably do it again. Does she really think it is fair on the child (not yet conceived) to bring him/her into this? You don't need to be confrontational just tell her how you see it. Surely good friendships take the rough with the smooth... but fundamentally be true to yourself. This is not of your making and you shouldn't feel bad about it!

PamT, I was wishing you had done the potty thing. It really does sound as if its deserved!
Keep smiling, Winnie x

PamT - take a photo of her letting her dogs poo next time she does it, then send it to the Environmental Health dept of your local council, she could be fined up to £1,000. Or you could ask them to put up those notices in the spot she uses. If you really believe it is her dogs that are causing the problem, you could even persuade someone from Environmental Health to call round and talk to her.

Northernlass - I think Winnie's advice is good, tell her that what she does stinks and you want to hear no more about it. If enough friends condemn her actions she might think more about it. I really wouldn't remain friends with such a person though, no matter how small the village, just think it could be any of our husbands! Well, she will probably get what she deserves in the end, you just feel for the poor wife and kids don't you?

There are no signs of dog today in the garden, I don't know if the neighbour has done any more work or not because the hole is still there and it doesn't really look any different. I have played the various options through in my mind and have decided that I will warn about the potty if the dog does it again. If there is a follow up episode after that then I will definitely do the potty - right in front of him!

Beechgrove Garden (Scotland's equivalent to Gardener's World) last night suggested lion dung(!) to discourage cats from the garden. They were using the real stuff in wee bags which you could purchase from Blair Drummond Safari Park, but they did say that you could buy an artificial version. The Fact Sheet is not up on the web site yet, so I can't give you more details, but if there is a safari park near you, maybe you could contact them and see if they would supply you with some!!!

I suggested lion poo myself on the garden thread, I've never tried it though. I can semi tolerate the cat poo in the borders but its the lawn and sandpit(which is covered but they take advantage of spills) which really annoy me and I can't really treat those areas. I accept that there isn't a lot that I can do about the cats, short of an electric fence and a shotgun, but it is the dogs (or rather their owners) that really annoy me because they know that our children play in the garden and they are just completely ignoring the hygiene and safety issues despite being asked politely not to let their dogs use it as a toilet.

PamT - i know that what I am about to say will outrage cat lovers, but as one myself I still feel this is the best way of dealing with them if aquiring a killer moggie is out of the question. Arm yourself with a water pistol and squirt any cats you see in the garden. (it's probably best not to do this in front of the children!) They will soon associate your patch with nasty surprises and leave well alone.

We have a ditsy labrador who at 8 still behaves like a puppy (our dd's first words are certain to be "Rosie, no!" - Rosie being said lab) but even so we have trained her to use a patch of gravel 2 ft by 3 ft for her toilet and she goes nowhere else. If we can do it so can your neighbour, even if they aren't her dogs.

Also presumably the hole left by your other neighbour is putting your children at risk from a fall. I hope you've pointed this out to him!

I am resigned to the fact that my neighbours are either selfish or thoughtless or probably both and I would advise everybody on Mumsnet never to buy a house with a shared garden, it causes far too many problems. My house is my castle (more like a hovel in its present state) and I would quite happily surround it with a moat (preferably shark infested). I long to live somewhere where my property is my own and other people respect that fact. Does such a place exist these days?

SueW - at least you don't have a labrador who rolls in fox poo to make herself more exciting to the retriever next door! (She eats other dog's poo, too - we have to keep her well away from dd's nappies!)

Sounds like your labrador would solve PamT's problems !

soothepoo - LOL!

SueW - I'm not anti-fox in particular, just anti fox poo! The worst thing was when the dog ate a whole pile of horse manure and then sicked it up on the kitchen floor! I quite like the smell of horse poo in a funny, country sort of a way but it changes totally once it's been through a dog! And there was so much of it !

Okay, as I'm revealing all my embarrassing secrets re. my repulsive canine... here's a tip. If you own a dog, don't use yogurt as a cure for thrush unless you want its nose in your crotch all day. Especially if you are expecting company. (Blush).

ionesmum, I think I would put up with the dog, its better than plaiting your legs in discomfort. Last time I had that problem I had just given away my tube of canesten to another needy cause, only to find that I needed it myself. I refused to pay £10 for another tube so used yoghurt instead, the cooling effect is bliss I don't think it is any more messy than the creams or pessaries either, they are just disgusting.

ionesmum - my lab does exactly the same! Do you know the trick with tomato juice? If you cover your dog in it after the first wash and then leave it to dry before washing off it seems to get rid of most of the smell. My Canadian uncle gave me that tip as they use it for dealing with skunk.

I'm back again with the same old problem. Dog poo in the shared garden. I really don't know which neighbour's dog was responsible so I can't approach either of them to ask them to clean it up. Do I continue to clean it up and seeth to myself or should I send them both a copy of a joint letter asking them to ensure it doesn't happen again, risking that this might have the opposite effect and that they might allow it to happen all the more - to rub my nose in it? I was hoping that it would come to an end when the 3 dogs would go back to their own owners and the other one has no need to come back in the garden now that his owner has filled in the hole this afternoon. Other people's ignorance and selfishness just really annoys me, I think we ought to pave the whole area and then maybe they won't do it.

Pam, I'm really sorry to hear you are still having problems. In your position, I would go the route of a letter to all the other households, it takes an element of confrontation out of it, perhaps. I would also ring your local environmental health department to find out if they have leaflets etc which outline the health and safety issues of dog fouling. Maybe you could enclose these - or the EHO might have some ideas about how to deal with it.
Good luck.

lol... sorry, I'm still giggling about ionesmum's dog...

PamT Have you tried finding info on whatever the disease carried in dog poo is and leafletting all the users of the shared garden?

I'm really torn whether to do something or not. I don't want to rock the boat and unfortunately we still have to share a garden with these people which can be awkward if we aren't talking. Last year I made myself really ill when we were having problems with next door. I was convinced that they were complaining when DD was crying during the night and then I got extremely wound up when he would howl at the dog (yes, they did duets together every night around 9pm), he also used to put his music on full blast at the kids' bedtime and sing loudly to it whilst in the bath. Things hadn't been too good since the previous year when we had fallen out over him drilling into the separating wall at 9.45pm to start fitting his new kitchen. Unfortunately his answer is to raise his fists and start threatening so we do tend to walk on egg shells a bit but when things are ok then we get along fine. I am hoping that we won't have any more dogs in the garden for a while now if they have all gone back to where they belong, then I won't have to approach either of them. BTW, the owner of the only other property works abroad for 11 months of the year so she doesn't really fit into the equation at all.

PamT - I don't really know what else to suggest. It must be sooooooo annoying.

I can't believe I told you all about my dog and the yoghurt.

ionesmum, I think more people should use yoghurt, it is cheap, natural and effective and it doesn't leave you all greasy and slimey like the creams do. I'm also told that 'Once' doesn't always do a thorough job. I read up all about using yoghurt as a cure on an american web site, it was so funny, they also talked about using an essential oil or homeopathic cure but you were supposed to drink it and not rub it in - that just caused horific burning. Talk about adding insult to injury. Give me Longley Farm any day!

Speaking of burning - be careful what you wash with Original Source Tea Tree & Mint shower gel!!