other sahm's who dont earn a bean - does your dh give you a monthly allowance?

[nailpolish]

dh earns all the money in this house - i get the child benefit etc

he gave me a card for his account (we have seperate accounts) but now he wants to give me £300 to cover everything inc weekly shop

i think i can just about manage it, with bus fares, bits and bobs, and he says if i need extra (like shoes for the girls) i can just use his account card

i think the main reason he wants to do this is so he can manage bills etc better (hes a panicker about running out of money before bills are paid)

what does everyone else do please

We have joint account that is used for dp wages to go into, this account is used mostlty for all the bills that are set up by DD, I have my own account for the kids CB and CTC and I usually manage fine on this but if I need extra I take it from the bill account as we call it, Dp also takes any pocket money he needs from this account. But as I am about to set up as a childminder this will all go by the way side for a bit. Is everyone aware too that WTC won't be paid with your DH wages from between Nov and Apr its all changing so that its paid into DH account instead of in with the wages!

I do food, drink, nappies, wipes, cleaning stuff and basic tioletries on £60/week. So thats either £240 or £300 a month depending how it falls. So thats doable. But then I do things like take DD swimming (£3.60 4 = £14.40), go to aquafit (£3.50 4 = £14), school dinners (£7.25 * 4 = £29) and thats without the one offs like birthday presents for the kid's friends, trips out at half term, tights for DD, extra payments at school (£10 last month for circus day plus Halloween disco) etc.

You could hand him a bill at the end of the month for the going rate of nanny/housekeeper which is what about 10/hour. How many hours do you work as a SAHWAM (wife and mum)? Now that would be a reasonable sum.

I just think a marriage is a partnership and the one who stays home should have just as much claim and control over the money, not an allowance.

If my DH offered me an allowance, I 'd go get a job and hand him the childcare bill.

I'm not trying to criticise anyone btw, I'm just surprised (and sad) that in this day and age then men still own the money in so many households.

Apparently, a recent study showed that if us Stay at homes were paid as a job(I don't see it as a job) that we would be worth 18,000 a year.

uwila, well not every woman works. what if you want to stay at home, it can still be a partnership without feeling like you have to make a political point as well.

and although its called an allowance, in our case it was a half share of what ever was left from dh's salary after all the bills were paid.

we have most of our bills paid by direct debit, then we have a weekly budget for groceries, petrol and then dh and I get a set amount of 'pocket money' to spend as we please.

same her enid. it is a case of what is left. What i hate is just never knowing how much that is. it means i can't plan anything.

I'd hardly be a SAHM for the cash though - I could go out and earn nearly 4 times that figure and pay a nanny to look after my baby, but I prefer to do it myself .

The original question was "what does everyone else do?" Not "please criticise the wording of my post".

sorrel, can you work out what your outgoings are each month - e.g. if you pay gas and electricity by direct debit, you pay a fixed amount each month and lots of phone and internet tariffs are fixed. Then use that to plan what your share of what's left will be.

Think we are unusual then because we give the kids an allowance too - only I manage theirs because they are only 4 and 1! I did the month's budget last night and when everything had been accounted for - direct debits/standing orders, groceries, petrol, DH's new glasses, DS's swimming lessons, gifts, dinner money, child minder, house, garden, etc there was enough left for DH and I to have £120 each and the kids to have £60 each (OK because neither needs shoes this month).

dh will not use direct debits as it is not the case that the same ammount comes out of the account every month.( heating oil varies from month to month/ we cannot get gas where we live, eand the local electric co. charges according to meter reading which can vary by £100 or so. he likes to pay online and the bills sit in the hall until the last minute- usually the final demand comes. Unspeakable. i am actually sitting here wrappe in a duvet because there is no money for oil until he gets paid. my rage is keeping me warm.

sorrel, that's terrible! Why won't he do direct debits??

Can you change the leccie to a provider who will let you pay a fixed amount (e.g. British Gas, which we have)?

am sympathising with you and your duvet - we have ridiculous electric storage heaters (no gas here either) that are too pricey to have on until we've reached the duvet/ thick fleece stage.

we have heating oil too - it is sooooooo expensive now too sorrel, I sympathise

Sorrel surely if you explain to your DH that you both could be saving money by using DD he would listen, your elec company will accept dd monthly payments and it would save a good bit, have a sit down one night with pen and paper to see how much better you both could budget, but Sorrel please put your foot down you are entitled as a married couple to budget together, he shouldn't be telling you that because you don't earn/contribute there is no need for a joint account. Tell him you want to be able to plan things in advance with the kids etc and that it would make life much more easier.

no only one bastard electric co where i live. and they come and read the meter and charge accordingly- won't do regular direct debits. Last bill over £300 a quater. total monopoly. We had to get rid of our mobile phones just to cover the last years bills.

You should be able to change the company who supply the elec to another that will supply your area, try the internet site USwitch, I have changed many times to different suppliers this way to get the best deal.

are you in NI?

that is a really crap situation

not here- just one company i'm afraid.it is a huge subject of public debate. the cost per unit of eletricty had quadrupled in the last 5 years and beacause we have no choice they can do what they like.we pay more for our utility bills than anyone else in the uk.

wel guessed CFM. crapola o a stick.

still in fairness- thats not dh's fault. i am just a whinge today.sorry for derailing the topic.

DH puts money into my account monthly, purely for me. I also get the CHB for DD. He puts £100 a month into my account via direct debit, it covers stuff like nights out with friends etc. It isn't a huge amount and doesn't go very far so quite often I end up asking for a top up 3/4 through the month. Any bills, food etc all comes out of DH's out. I physically do the food shopping but the money comes out of his account. I don't feel the need to faff about moving it from his to mine just so that my card goes into the ATM rather than his, it's all the same money when all said and done.

Not a SAHM yet but will be as of 22nd December.

Basically, no 'allowance', I am not asked to account for what I spend. However if we had a budget to stick to and it was important to balance the books, I would discuss with dh jointly how much we should notionally budget for our expected living expenses - and this budget would apply as much to him and his purchases as it would to me.

That's a non judgemental factual response by the way!

No of course not, its not your dh fault but obviously some things concerning the bills needs to be looked at, so that you are both happy with the situation, clearly it has affected you

We have a joint account and I spend what I need/want. Our view is that we are married, therefore it is our money not his.