Horrifying bra shop debacle!!!!!!!!!

[colditz]

Had to buy a new bra today, so went into my local bra shop with 2.5 yo ds in his pushchair.

In the changing room, ds pipes up as I take off my bra to try one on....

"Look! Mummy's big boobies! Boobies, mummy, two boobies! Looooooook!!! Big BOOOOOOOOBIEEEEEEESSSSS!"

While I was desperatly trying to distract him with rambling gasps of

"What colour is your t shirt darling? And your pushchair? Do you want some chocolate? Say chocolate!"

(... and thinking "Oh my God you little sod. You've never noticed them before, you've seen them before, why now for God's sake, why ^now!?"....)

On holiday this summer I took ds2 to a public loo - massive queue - and when we eventually got in he treated all the people waiting outside to a running commentary in a very loud voice..

"I need to do a poo, Mummy. Oooooooh...it's a big poo." [much grunting and exaggerated straining noises] "Oooooh it's a hard one to get out of my bottom, Mummy. I'm pushing and pushing. Oh! There it is! Oh it's a smelly one, Mummy. Euwwww....it's really smelly isn't it? Oh look Mummy, it's got sweetcorns in it!"

Couldn't look anyone in the eye when we came out

PMSL MM!

marthamoo, that is particularly brilliant! It reminds me of the river of poo thread someone did a while back that has me giggling just at the thought of it.

classic Moo

oh mm i am totally in hysterics

i can just imagine!

i took my dd to the toilet in tescos the other day and there was a woman in the cubicle next to ours who coughed loudly in a deep voice

dd was horrified and went white saying very loudly "mummy theres a man in the ladies toilets" i said "no itll be a lady"

she went on and on insisting it was a man and i was scared to leave the cubicle! we thought she had gone so we got out of the cubicle, dd spotted her and marched up saying "are you a man with a willy?"

the woman was not amused

DS1 (5) still has no sense of embarrassment - recently in a public loo (i'd gone in with him) said loudly.. "Mummy, my willy is still quite little, but when I grow up will it have a massive arrowhead like Daddy's ??"

At least I could walk out proudly...

DH outside got some funny stares from ladies leaving the loos though!

NP Nooooooooooo!!!!!!

I would've died!

Howling with laughter at these. So glad its not just me that suffers.
DD & I were in our local shopping centre a few weeks ago and went for a coffee. Along with the rest of SW London, there was a lady breast-feeding her baby. So DD asked in her loud high pitched voice (she is 3.5), "Mummy, can I have a drink from your boobies?" To which I chortle merrily back: "No darling, you are a big girl now." Sadly, the conversation is not over as she then pipes up "But Mummy your boobies are much bigger than that lady's", you must have lots of milk".
I can think of absolutely nothing to say, am mortified for myself, for the small breasted woman feeding her baby, for everyone having to listen to my boob obsessed daugther.
She was about to pipe up with some other bosomy comments, so I whispered in her ear that if she ate all her cake, I'd buy her some smarties - I was that desperate to shut her up!!!!!!

another time me and dd1 were staying overnight at my mums

mum had come out of the shower and dd1 was playing im mums bedroom where she came in to get changed

mum took off her towel (she was naked underneath) and bent down to get her pants out of the bottom drawer

dd was standing beside mum as she was bending over and dd stared at mums boobs exclaiming "they are like the cows boobs when you bend down like that gran!"

mum nearly wet herself with laughter

forgot to add she 'tweaked' mums nipple like a farmer tweaking an udder

!

these are all fab, I am torn between impatience that DS (19mths) isn't yet at that stage and also really glad I am at least spared the embarrassment for now!

We were on the crowded shuttle bus at Luton Airport, DS sat on DP's lap across the aisle. Suddenly DS is making a lunge for me, going 'Eeergh, errgh, Daddy farted, there's a horrible smell' at the top of his voice. I glared at DP who just gave me a tight-lipped shake of the head. 'Daddy didn't fart' I told DS, quietly "yes, he did , he farted, he's always farting, tell him off Mummy" etc etc, and all the while a woman on a nearby seat is going redder and redder...

These are all so funny - my "if only I could reach far enough to put my hand over your mouth" moment was when I was interviewing some frightfully posh surgeon over the phone and DS started shouting, "Mum I need a poo with you." I tried to get him to be quiet but he just kept saying, "No, I need a poo with you, NOW!" The interview ended up being finished at a later date.

mil took ds swimming last week, & he announced to the whole changing room that grandma's boobs were a lot smaller than mummy's .

Thank you all so much, I am genuinely crying with laughter. Mo2, I actually snorted when I read your post.
Looking forwards to ds being old enough to embarrass me too

this thread is SO funny.i have tears streaming down my face.Please keep them coming.

So do I that really cheered up my day.

When dd was 11m old, my mum and I went to Bravasimo to be fitted for bras. We used the same cubicle, and, as the sight of all these bossoms made dd desperate for a feed, I sat down and got on with it, while mum had her fitting. My mum's short, well-endowed, and fed three children. While waiting for some bras to be brought to her, she was standing next to me while dd brougth up her burp sitting on my lap. Dd eyes this 'new' pair of breasts hovering at her eye-level, leant forward and latched on to my mum!

After a few sucks she gave up and let go, but my mum didn't want to shock or upset dd, so she just stood still and waited for dd to come off. I thought she would wet herself, she was laughing so hard yet silently! Thank goodness for mum's experience, love and sense of humour.

I'll never forget the day that dd started singing loudly "Higgledy Piggledy my black cock."

(it should be HEN of course)

DS normally holds my leg or my troussers while we are waiting in a queu, today in the bank he got distracted and hold somebody else's troussers, to my embarrasment he was a he and was way shorter than me.

OH MY GOD MP!!!!!!!!!!

pmsl

PMSL MP

Luckily nothing body related but in church recently ds started shouting 'look mummy, that girl's got no shoes on, no shoes mummy'. No matter how much I muttered at him to be quiet or explained that she was all of about 12months, he went on and on, drowning out the Vicar...

The reason we are not longer attending mass is because DS can't stop himself from singing happy birthday loudly everytime he sees candles...