Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Did I Do a Bad Thing?

69 replies

TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 13:39

Down in the market today, there was a woman with three kids, pretty much in hysterics. I saw some people talk to her, and overheard her say something about money, her bag got nicked. As I was getting ready to go, I walked up to her, and tried to give her some money (rolled up, tried to hand it over subtly). She said no, so I put it in the top of the buggy and walked away.

I felt a bit guilty, I don't think she wanted charity, but I couldn't wander off and leave someone in that state ... but I'm no good at talking to people ... what would you have done?

OP posts:
auntymandy · 29/09/2005 13:41

I think that was really nice of you. I am afraid I would have probably walked on by.

SherlockLGJ · 29/09/2005 13:43

How lovely of you, when the mist clears and the practicalities of how much is gone kicks in she will be glad of it. God Bless you.

sharklet · 29/09/2005 13:44

I think that was really nice of you. She was probably panicing and too proud to take assistance.

Original poster
TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 13:45

Trust me, nobody was walking by. Men and women were stopping to see if she was ok. She was really really really upset.

I feel a bit guilty, it was intrusive of me. But I would have felt more guilty not doing something, I think, as I could totally afford to ...

OP posts:
Distel · 29/09/2005 13:47

I had my purse stolen on my 21st birthday. I think I know who took it and they also knew it was mine due to a photo of me and my son inside.

I was in my parents pub and a lot of the regulars who were they all put some money together for a 'birthday present' after it had happened. It was one of the nicesest things I have had done for me and allthough I was emmbaressed at the time I really appreciated it and I am sure this lady will as well.

Good on you .

hunkermunker · 29/09/2005 13:48

How could this be a bad thing? It was exactly the right thing to do.

Original poster
TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 13:51

Well, it was a bit pushy. She wasn't asking for money. She was in the middle of talking to another woman who'd come up to talk to her. I feel a bit sheepish about it.

I was going to leave the market without giving her money, but that made me too uncomfortable.

I'm just not at ease with doing that, I guess. It was just £60, but I know that can make quite a bit of difference to lots of people.

OP posts:
Chloe55 · 29/09/2005 14:01

I think what you did was a very kind gesture and nothing to feel guilty about. At the end of the day it's not like you left the cash with your name and number on so she would feel 'obliged' to thank you - you did it because you are considerate, not because you had to or even that it would make you feel better.

I'd be pleased in knowing that she will be very grateful

Chloe55 · 29/09/2005 14:02

Fancy throwing 60 quid my way

Bozza · 29/09/2005 14:09

Very kind tn. It might have got her a taxi home and bought her kids a choccie bar each to calm them. Or it might have replaced her grocery/fares money for the week. Or she might just have borrowed a phone and rung her hubbie to collect and have absolutely no need of it, in which case she can then donate it to her favourite charity or stick it in her kid's savings account.

beansprout · 29/09/2005 14:09

T/name - do you really think you did a bad thing?

Bozza · 29/09/2005 14:09

Chloe

sparklymieow · 29/09/2005 14:12

I don't think it was bad thing, I think it was a lovely thing to do.

Toothache · 29/09/2005 14:13

I don't think you did a bad thing, but why £60???? I thought you meant you'd given her a tenner for her busfare home!

I must say I'm in the minority!!! I'd feel a bit offended that a stranger thought I needed £60. Dunno why it would just make me feel as though they were thinking I was really poor or something. Don't really know how to word it.... giving someone their fare home is one thing, but handing over £60 as though she couldn't feed her kids would seem a bit cheeky.

I'll get slated now! It was a nice thing to do in principal, but the amount was a bit excessive IMHO.

Chloe55 · 29/09/2005 14:16

I would agree with you Toothache if TN had hung about wanting to get her reaction. The way she did it though can only benefit the woman who lost her purse. I personally wouldn't be offended if someone just left me the money but if they persisted face to face to give it to me then I might get a bit offended by it.

Toothache · 29/09/2005 14:17

I s'pose... I would be mortified that somebody thought I needed that amount of money! Then again.... maybe the woman did.....

sorrytosaythis · 29/09/2005 14:24

Its as if you want us to say well done and pat you on the back..you neednt of told us how much! £60 is an awful lot of money to alot of us on here! and you just say it was only!!

Toothache · 29/09/2005 14:26

STST - Why change your name to post that? I agree with you!!!

myturn · 29/09/2005 14:29

If she really only wanted a pat on the back, wouldn't TN have posted with her regular MN name? Think you are being a little hard... I personally think it is was a truly kind gesture.

Chloe55 · 29/09/2005 14:29

Yeah £60 is a lot of money to me but it isn't necessarily to TN so she shouldn't feel ashamed for mentioning the amount as not much imo. It might be like me saying it was only a couple of quid so not much but 2 quid to someone else might be a lot of money. God now I'm gonna get slated!

I think it's good that we all have mixed opinions but I don't think TN is looking for a pat on the back as such or she would have made more of a point to the woman that SHE left the cash instead of leaving it when the woman was distracted.

You never know, the woman might have been twice unlucky and she might never have got it in the first place if someone saw you leave it there TN!

saadia · 29/09/2005 14:30

You did a nice thing, £60 sounds a lot to me and she may not have lost that much so it might have been better to give it to charity, but you meant well and you were trying to help so don't feel guilty and lose sleep over it.

I think it might have been better not to force it on her but in hindsight we would all do the more appropriate thing, so please please don't worry.

Marina · 29/09/2005 14:30

I think this was a very kind impulse and I am sure it will have been a help.
I must admit I would be a bit nonplussed if a complete stranger gave me as much as £60, but I can also imagine being utterly distraught if I had lost my purse and all its contents.
I also have to say I would definitely find a lot of kind-hearted people standing around me and chuntering but not actually helping quite stressful in a situation like hers. However well-meant, being hemmed in by people clucking is very hard for me to take.
It could well be argued I think that just walking up, offering cash, leaving it there and getting out of the poor soul's face was a much more sensitive thing to do.

Marina · 29/09/2005 14:31

And you as ever Toothy are happy to give your views without changing your name, good for you. I disagree with you mind

Toothache · 29/09/2005 14:31

Myturn - All I'm doing is saying that I don't necessarily think handing as much as £60 to a woman who had refused it already and who was already talking to other people and receiving help..... was a bit excessive.

I'd have asked her if she needed money to get her children home... if she refused I'd have walked away.

But in answer to her question of course it's not a bad thing! How could it be??? Just maybe a bit inappropriate... thats all.

myturn · 29/09/2005 14:32

Wish people could be inappropriate that way to me occasionally

Swipe left for the next trending thread