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Original poster

Did I Do a Bad Thing?

69 replies

TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 13:39

Down in the market today, there was a woman with three kids, pretty much in hysterics. I saw some people talk to her, and overheard her say something about money, her bag got nicked. As I was getting ready to go, I walked up to her, and tried to give her some money (rolled up, tried to hand it over subtly). She said no, so I put it in the top of the buggy and walked away.

I felt a bit guilty, I don't think she wanted charity, but I couldn't wander off and leave someone in that state ... but I'm no good at talking to people ... what would you have done?

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 29/09/2005 15:21

Toothache, nah, not calling you a mealymouth

Toothache · 29/09/2005 15:35

'tis aw right then!

nightowl · 29/09/2005 15:38

well if tn can afford to give away £60 then it doesnt matter if she's been had does it? she could well have made all the difference to someone genuinely upset though.

shame how we all get suspicious when someone shows a bit of kindness.

has anyone ever gone to pick up money for a little old lady who dropped it all over the place and then get screamed at for trying to steal it? i dont bother now!!

sparklymieow · 29/09/2005 15:45

TBH Cod if she was a druggie she would have just gone to the DDS and claimed her purse had been stolen with her giro in it, seen it many times at the DSS office.

nightowl · 29/09/2005 15:50

did my post look really bitchy then?? just read it back and it looks like im saying she's got money to throw around and should be had!! thats not what i meant at all.

i meant something along the lines of if she can afford it then its worth taking the risk to help someone who needed it!!

sorry tn!

NannyNooNoo · 29/09/2005 15:57

TN where were you when I had my bag stolen?

It was a good few years ago, I was a single mum and I had been saving very hard to buy DS a bed and was in a shopping centre looking for one when it was stolen. I was gutted!!!! and DS had to stay in his cot for ages whilst I saved up again.

You did a lovely thing, you never know this woman may have been in a similar situation as I was, good on you, you didn't hang around for her gratitude but if she was in a similar situation to the one I was in I bet she was extremly grateful.

auntymandy · 29/09/2005 15:59

I also said she had done a good thing,but I do think she could have missed out the detail of how much..it is irrelevant to the story or issue

nightowl · 29/09/2005 16:50

so what if she had £60 to spare? we dont know if that money is handed to her on a silver platter or if she's worked her butt off to earn it.

she was happy enough to give it to someone who she thought needed it.

she put the money down and walked away, then she posted here under another name.

vicious circle. we complain there are no good people left, then when we find one, its so rare that we ridicule them and accuse them of having an ulterior motive, so maybe that person wont want to help anyone anymore...and then we complain there are no kind, decent people...

fwiw i think it was a nice thing to do

Original poster
TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 17:03

Cod, if she needed her drugs as badly as all that, she's welcome to them ... I doubt many desperate addicts would say "no" to offered money.

And nightowl, I knew what you meant. No offense taken - I can afford to lose £60, I wouldn't have given it otherwise.

I'd say the amount clearly isn't irrelevant. I wasn't sure if it was too much or not enough. I realise it was a large amount, but conversely, I couldn't exactly give her a pound and think that would help!

(She didn't mention groceries. I just overheard her say she'd had her bag nicked, and that she had no money. The bank is in the market, IYSWIM.)

OP posts:
cod · 29/09/2005 17:22

Message withdrawn

weesaidie · 29/09/2005 17:26

I think it is a lovely thing to do. £60 is a lot to me but these things are relative aren't they?

The fact is she gave her money at all. That is what is important.

cod · 29/09/2005 17:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 17:29

I think I started out thinking it might have been a bad thing, but I've decided it wasn't. I just wanted to talk about it, and wasn't comfortable talking to anyone about it IRL.

I've honestly never seen anyone that upset in public since someone I worked with thought her daughter had been abducted, like 20 years ago. (The daughter was absolutely fine, although the mum had good reason to think she wouldn't be.)

OP posts:
Original poster
TemporaryName · 29/09/2005 17:30

Some of my uni friends lived in the same (not very nice) building as a woman who begged around the uni. People who beg are not always poor - I often suspect the ones who do the "I just need the money for a bus ticket/tank of petrol, give me your address" routine of being reasonably well off.

OP posts:
nightowl · 29/09/2005 17:53

oh c'mon cod...why so cynical? give her a break.

Marina · 29/09/2005 17:58

TN, I am glad you remain of the view that your kindness was a good thing I'd sooner be a skint optimist than a richer sceptic! I tend to take situations like this at face value and assume the best of people until proven otherwise. I guess another view of this is "mug" but there you go.
I think either way you made someone less well off than you's day. Which has to be a good thing

Caligula · 29/09/2005 18:02

Well if someone put £60 on my buggy, I'd be delighted.

If anyone feels the urge to do that in Strood market anytime, please don't hold back. I promise I won't be offended.

Marina · 29/09/2005 18:22

Once they have done the same for dilapidated Techno XTs in SE London Caligula

Nightynight · 29/09/2005 19:00

that was a very nice thing to do TN. Someone once helped me in a similar way when we were on our uppers, and Ive never forgotten it. Ive tried to pass on her good turns to other people ever since.

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