Shall I be Mrs DHname, Ms MyName or what?

[SenoraPostrophe]

so, it's coming up to our first anniversary and I still haven't decided whether to change my name.

The kids have DH's name because it's very unusual, my name is slightly nicer, but harder for Spanish people to spell. Googling my name brings up lots of results, Googling my name with DH's surname produces none. It sounds silly as a double barrel, and we're not posh enough for that anyway. Part of me would love to have the same name as my family, part of me thinks that is letting down the "cause".

what do you think?

also what did you do?

also if I keep my name, presumably I should be Ms. Should i also write snotty emails to sites which do not give me that option?

Changed mine to Mrs DHsurname as his is quite unusual, we're the only ones in guernsey.

Also never really felt comfortable with mine in the first place as it was a bit of a mouthfull with my first name. It flows much better now. Toyed with double-barrelling but couldn't be arsed and it felt pretentious.

I took DH's name when I married. I thought it would be easier all round if I just had one name, rather than one at work and one at home, was sure I'd get confused otherwise! I liked the idea of us all having the same name if we had kids in the future. In my experience, I'm always referred to as Ms by people and companies who don't know me - I'm hardly ever asked if I'm Mrs.

Personally, I didn't feel any guilt about 'the cause'. It was my choice, no one was forcing me and I didn't feel in any way that I was losing my identity, rather that I was gaining one. My husband was prepared to change his name, but I was happy to go with tradition as I didn't feel it meant I was selling out. However, if I had a professional reputation with my maiden name I would have kept that for work purposes, but I was training at the time so it didn't really matter. Also, my maried name is fine. It really depends on lots of factors. Go with your heart, don't worry about what others will think or that you're betraying the sisterhood.

I have a spanish friend who has kept her name, and her daughter has DH's surname. She has had problems travelling alone with her DD, although nothing that has stopped her from travelling on the flight she is checking into. However, she does believe it is only a matter of time before she gets taken off to a side room and misses her plane.

Apparently, in Portugal, you need a letter of permission to travel with a child whose name is different from your own, and it has to be from the father!

i took dh's name - and proud i am of it too. (how very daily mail) howver i do lament for my maiden name as i was an only child and the last surviving carrier of my fathers name.

I just can't imagine changing my surname, especially once you get "older". Except if my future husband was some Italian footballer.

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Personally I would want the same name as my children. I don't understand what the "cause" is. What does taking your husband's name do that is so bad. Surely if you feel strongly enough about the whole getting married thing then taking his name shoudn't mean you are degrading yourself or something. I can understand public people who have become famous through their "own" name (most have changed it to sound better).

Dior, when I use Ms I AM making a point! That point being that it's no-one's business if I'm married or not: Ms is the equivalent of Mr in that respect and that is why it was invented in the first place. I think there are LOTS of reasons for getting married other than to get the same surname, indeed many people marry - like me - and don't ever change their name. Senora, are you any closer to deciding? I think you must have quite big doubts if a year later you're still Ms Senora.

And I also use Ms as it makes the point that you don't have to be married to be fully 'adult'. Boys are called Mr from teenage onwards but girl only get to change to the adult Mrs when they marry IYSWIM

I'm very married...but never felt I had to change my name, dh married me , not Mrs dhname, who is his mother

Ah, SN, but I hade a B to start off with and didn't want to get rid of that for a boring ol' middle of the alphabet job!

I had also published work in my name

I have to say how surprised I amthat so many people feel so strongly that taking dh's name somehow makes you dh's possession/chattel. I understand that it is a relic, but I can't see that, in the 21st C, it actually implies that to anyone. It is a social convention really, which (IMO) has long since lost any significance of that nature.
And, if you follow that logic, those who retain their "maiden" name remain their father's chattel (in most cases) - far more unpalatable to me than choosing to become part of a new family. Those that give their children their mother's name imply that they belong to their mother.
Surely not?

it's the CHANGING bit that makes you worried about being chattel, HC. To me this feels like losing a bit of my identity (know it doesn't seem like that to others).

yes, I can see that. I suppose for me getting married involved such a lot of change that the name was a small part of it, but I can see it wouldn;t be that for everyone.

A friend of mine has a child by her ex-husband and is expecting another one by her current partner.

She is known as Ms (ex-h's name). her son is known by his dad's surname. The new baby will be double barrelled - Miss (current partner's surname)-(ex-h's surname).

Seems strange to me, as the new baby will have nothing to do with the ex-h, but she wants both kids to have the same surname. Which I can understand.

For me, it would only become an an issue in a situation such as the one with my friend. She reckons it becomes confusing for the kids if you have different surnames.

I didn't really intend to change my surname when I married 15 years ago - but everyone started calling me by my married surname. I didn't mind either way. I must admit all these years since I still think someone is talking to my MIL when they call me Mrs.

well, I asked DH if he would have changed his name to mine if mine had been the unusual surname - he said yes, without hesitation, which surprised me. He also said i'd asked him that a year ago which surprised me even more (damn pregnancy hormones).

I think that makes a big difference - it takes away the chattels thing.

The reason i haven't changed it yet is because the easiest way to do it is to change my passport first, and it's coming up for renewal now.

I'll see how I feel when I fill in the form i think!

I'm now MrsMyname or Msmyname, or occasionally MissMyname.

I was MrsDHname, but ds1 was MrMyname and DD and DS2 were Mr/Miss DHname, but I wanted us all to have the same name when he started school. I didn't really want to change DS1's name, so we all changed from DHname, to Myname, dh as well.

My parents don't like dh having the same name as them, you just can't win.

I am Miss or Ms my name.

Children have mine as a middle. They're not at school yet so I don't know how I will feel when teachers address me as Mrs YYYYYY. Hopefully they'll call me by my first name anyway!

I think of them as people in their own right so I didn't mind that they had DH's name. DH and I talk about us as a family as the xxxx-yyyyys (double barrelled).

Having the same surname doesn't bother me. They look so like me there isn't any debate about who their mother is

I still work under my maiden name (and have that name on bank cards, joint account etc). I remained Ms X for first 5 years of marriage, but when the children came along it simplified things, eg at GPs, schools, libraries, if we all had the same surname. So I'm both Ms Jeckyl and Mrs Hyde

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I have a double barrel. (Dh still just has his name - in Germany you can't both have a double barrel - you have a 'family name' and the one whose name it isn't can add her/his own name on). Dh's name is unusual even over here, so my name is unique now, I reckon. I don't think it's about being posh - in Germany double barrels don't have that stereotype at all, rather the stereotype of being a very serious 80s feminist (am the latter, but not serious at all really, and only 28!). I actually think dh's name is nicer than mine, and it sounds a lot better with almost all first names I can think of. Sometimes it does pee me off to be subsumed under his name - the double barrel is often 'forgotten' - but I'm glad I didn't just keep my own. If you want an unusual name I'd take his in your position.
I would insist on Ms btw - I hate 'Miss' (quite like Mrs though). Am a Dr though so don't have that hassle

senora - did you make a decision?

not as such, custardo. I'm starting to come down on the changing side though.

mind you, it's hard enough to get used to my halloween username.