Am I - as I suspect - the only MNer to find the whole concept of 'family' incredibly difficult?

[motherinferior]

Long ago, when I was young and had principles and wore lots of badges about my principles, one of my badges said 'Nuclear Family No Thanks'. I've always found the whole idea of family - both the nuclear and the extended - incredibly hard to stomach. I'm well aware that this is, of course, shaped by my own experience of family, which for complex reasons was something that my parents both found incredibly important and botched up spectacularly. The idea of 'family time' makes me shudder. The idea of 'doing things as a family' I equate with 'doing what my father wanted'. I suspect that DP has his own issues with the whole idea too (for completely different reasons).

This is not, as far as I can see, damaging my children - DD1 is frightfully keen on the idea of family, and I have no problems with her keenness at all. And I love them, and most of the time I'm rather happy living with them and their father. But am I the only person who finds the whole thing somewhat uncomfortable at best?

Did anyone mention the Chesterton quote yet? It reminds me of this thread...

The men and women who, for good reasons and bad, revolt against the family, are, for good reasons and bad, simply revolting against mankind. Aunt Elizabeth is unreasonable, like mankind. Papa is excitable, like mankind. Our youngest brother is mischievous, like mankind. Grandpapa is stupid, like the world; he is old, like the world....

The best way that a man could test his readiness to encounter the common variety of mankind would be to climb down a chimney into any house at random, and get on as well as possible with the people inside. And that is essentially what each one of us did on the day that he was born. --

G.K.C.

Ah, GKC is full of unexpected nuggets, isn't he?

I've only skimmed this interesting thread but like Aloha, I like having created my own family of dp, ds, dd and me, it really makes me happy. It's not that traditional since ds isn't dp's but we are a unit and I like us all doing things together. Not all the time, I want time to myself too, but I do love the four of us lolling around at home. I still consider my ex in laws part of my family too, despite being divorced from ex dh and, very sweetly, they consider my dd part of their family too, despite her being no blood relation to them. As far as they're concerned she's ds's sister so she is part of their family. Ds asks if we can have some 'family time' (I don't think I used this phrase, I think he's picked it up from somewhere) too and what he means is some time where we're all doing something together. I will read the rest of the thread later, it looks like fascinating stuff.

I haven't read the whole thread. But I love doing things as a family. This is getting more difficult now as the children are all growing up and want to do their own thing. My 18 year old has just moved into university halls and she still loves coming out for coffe with me.I am going to miss that time with her.
We still all have family meals and go on family holidays. I think that family is very important.

Haven't got time to read all of this. Brought up in a very traditional family, 2 kids- one girl one boy. We did things "as a family" "because we say so". I wasn't allowed to invite frinds to my wedding, apart from one or two because "weddings are for families" (MIL then invited loads of her friends, but that's another thread). I have a huge extended family & I loved getting together with all the great-aunts and second cousins. I have also traced my family tree and met 7th cousins who are my age and it's fab.

I feel very sad that despite having four children, we don't get to do anything as a family because DH works nights and is never around at weekends. I used to take the kids out on my own and my DD was my other half. She deserted and went to live with her boyf, and feels more attached to their family than ours. It is very hurtful. DS3 is the most affected by it and cries that we aren't a proper family anymore, because one is missing.

ghosty, we always had set places at table and in the car because it stops the arguments