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Original poster

If you took your child to a party at someone's house.......

66 replies

QueenOfQuotes · 17/09/2005 23:47

and stayed there while the party was 'on', and the host was doing it on her own, would you sit and talk for the whole party, or would you offer to help (even if your offer was then refused)?

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kcemum · 17/09/2005 23:49

I would always offer to help, it's in my nature!

rickman · 17/09/2005 23:49

Message withdrawn

waterfalls · 17/09/2005 23:49

I would offer to help with things like the food, but I would automatically help with supervising and keeping all the kids under control.

Norash · 17/09/2005 23:50

I would offer to help.

Norash · 17/09/2005 23:51

With Waterfalls in supervising and keeping kids under contro.

Pixiefish · 17/09/2005 23:56

Offer to help. If she didn't want any help then I'd supervise the kids while she was busy. When she came back to the kids I'd try to help without interfering

hunkermunker · 17/09/2005 23:58

How was DS1's birthday party, QoQ?

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:00

hmmm I thought so too.

Had DS1's birthday today (posted about it earlier) and by all accounts it went very well. I had 8 4/5yr olds (including DS1) and DS2 (who's 21 months).

3 of the mum's stayed and I kid you not the most any of them did to 'help was.

  1. When one of the little boys fell over and bumped his head one mum came with me to the bathroom to get a flannel - which she then wet and gave to the mum.

  2. When the son of the woman who 'helped' in the above wanted a glass of water rather than squash she went to the kitchen and poured him one.

The other two mum's didn't even leave their seats and spent almost the whole afternoon discussing whether the best family holiday place was Jamaica or Barbados (and how much the holiday's would cost!) and saying how much they'd be spending on their own kids parties (and going into details about their plans). And apart from those 2 instances above the 3rd didn't do anything either. Not even help keep them under control/sort out little arguments (apart from if they involved their own child).

It's been playing on my mind this evening. I didn't expect them to help (well actually I'm not sure) but an offer would have been nice, particularly as I was doing the whole thing myself.

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hunkermunker · 18/09/2005 00:01

Think that's rude.

Glad his party went well though. Don't let it get to you - just make sure you go and bray at their children's parties later in the year

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:02

HM - here is the positive side of it - just been 'reflecting' on it more this evening and this point (of this thread) was bugging me - and wanted to see if I was expecting to much to get any offers to help (even if it was only helping to supervise the kids).

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waterfalls · 18/09/2005 00:03

Very rude

kcemum · 18/09/2005 00:04

Do the parents know you well? perhaps they felt too awkward(sp) to offer help.

But I agree, it was rude.

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:05

oh and we musn't forget one of the first comments made by one of the mum's as the conversation between them started to get going (I didn't really have chance to talk to them much so was mostly just listening).

"my husband is in the 40% tax bracket" - blurhghhhh

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Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:07

kce - no - but they don't know each other either - yet still managed to spend the entire time discussing "monetary" things............

I'm just hoping and praying that DS1 doesnt' become firm friends with any of their children (he's only just started in reception, so it was a case of "who've you been playing with" "X,Y and Z" - "ok we'll invite them then" LOL)- as I don't really want to have to spend any more time than nessecary with them

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kcemum · 18/09/2005 00:07

Snobs!

hunkermunker · 18/09/2005 00:07

What tedious women!

kcemum · 18/09/2005 00:08

meant the parents were snobs btw, not you

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:12

when they first said they were staying I thought "great" - just a little bit of help - if only to keep the children under control (especially as the triplets dad dropped them off and said "what time should I pick them up" - gulp - LOL). By 2.30pm I was rather wishing they'd all gone,

I felt so bl**dy tense the whole afternoon, especially with them talking about their own kids parties (hiring children's entertainers, going to wacky warehouse, bouncy castles etc etc) and fancy holidays and the cost of them. Felt like the party was being scrutinised by them!!!!

The only thing that reassures me is that none of the children sat there looking bored and were very happy running the entire length of our house and garden, and the last thing DS1 said to me before he went to bed "Thankyou for my party mummy"

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Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:14

you should try doing pass the parcel without looking to see who's got the parcel, while also making sure the parcel is being passed round properly! - quite interesting I should say.

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ChicPea · 18/09/2005 00:27

I can understand how aggrivated you feel, I would be too if I overheard the conversations you mentioned and the fact that the mothers just sat and chatted and didn't help, but you have said that your DS was delighted with his party and the other children really enjoyed themselves so your party was a GREAT success. Don't forget that.

I am dreading the party circuit and with children aged 3 and 2 I have it all to come. Argghhhh!!

P.S. I did actually go to a party locally where I didn't know any of the parents or children but I made an effort. Nobody spoke to me (WTF?) except a Japanese mum who didn't speak English!!! The family had a large dog whose mouth was the same height as my children's hands held high and of course he tried to get their food. They were terrified and the hostess assured me that he didn't bite. 'Oh' I said smiling thinking to myself 'He is trying to get their fiffing food.' I left soon after.

The object of these parties is for the birthday child to have a super time with his/her classmates whether the parents have a good time or not. I shall keep reminding myself of this advice every time I am at a party that I am hating.

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:29

I know I know - I'm talking to myself now.

Anyhow , just mentioned this to DH, and he said something along the lines of "well perhaps that's what they're used to, as they're the sorts that hire other people/places for their parties" (think he was just trying to cheer me up actually)

Surely money shouldn't affect manners though.

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Nevada · 18/09/2005 00:42

Perhaps you just awed them by your super-efficiency and they just felt too awkward to help?

Seriously, if I were at a party and the mum seemed to have it under control, I would probably feel out of place offering to help.

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:43

actually there was one moment when one of the little girls asked "are we going to play anymore games" - but she was the only one, and only asked once. And when she asked me that all the others were chasing each other around

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Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 18/09/2005 00:46

Nevada - when they arrived at 2pm I was still cutting up celery sticks and cucumber for the dips, my kitchen obviously was in the stages of having things being prepared still, and I spent the first 15 minutes of the party (once everyone had arrived) finishing off preparing other food in the kitchen and taking them into the dining room! - so i can't have looked that organised (unless they live like people on "how clean is your house" - which I doubt very much LOL).

No-one even bothered to help with pass the parcel - which is a tricky game to 'run' with 4/5yr olds with only one adult supervising and turning the music on and off.

grrrr - anyhow, off to bed now, and hopefully won't feel quite so p*ssed off in the morning

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Nevada · 18/09/2005 00:51

I'm sure it was a great success.

I'm always in awe of mums who can manage a party at home. I tend to fall by the wayside and hold it somewhere else.