If you took your child to a party at someone's house.......

[QueenOfQuotes]

and stayed there while the party was 'on', and the host was doing it on her own, would you sit and talk for the whole party, or would you offer to help (even if your offer was then refused)?

At ds's party my in laws came late, just sat there and watched the whole thing - brought a plate of approved food and that was it. Stayed for a while and then went to have a coffee with their church friends, leaving all the cleaning up to us.

My brother's gf on the other hand was madly warming things up, washing up and generally being useful. She didn't need any instructions - just got on with it. I told my brother he should marry her, as I wanted a SIL like this.

My dad drove everywhere, and cleaned the room we hired till it glowed. My mum said she was exhausted and had to have a cup of tea and a lie down.

None of the other parents did anything or offered. I think they were awed by almost SIL.

I am not having another party without a crack team, even with twice as many adults as children it was too much.

aww well - woken up this morning - stilled P*ssed off at them......hopefully the feeling will pass LOL.

QoQ, I'm really lazy, but I still help out at kid's parties. Not generally with the food, but with the child wrangling.

My current grumble is, I always stay for other kids' parties, as I generally have DS2 as well, who enjoys the party but needs supervision (and is too young to expect a party bag etc, so he's not straining the planned resources, IYSWIM). But then I end up just eating leftover fairy cakes!

Realistically, at the 3-4 year mark, parents holding parties are dependant on having some parents stay and help (which I'm happy to do), but they could feed us!

Oooh, and at the last one, I went off to the loo with DS1 and one of his friends (there without parents), and asked a friend to mind DS2. When I came back from the loo, everyone had left the soft play area, leaving DS2 behind! He's only 11m, and thankfully wasn't bothered, but I was extremely pissed off.

oh gosh NQC - that sounds even more nightmarish than yesterday!!!

QofQ-glad ds had a good time. That means mummy done good!!!
The other mum's were v.rude and inconsiderate IMO. I've had 2 parties for dd1 at home and was v.thankful for PIL at the first one as no mums stayed. Last year I had ten 5 year olds and PIL were occupied with dd3 who was 3 months old. If 2 mums hadn't stayed I'd have been in a mess. They are both friends and I got them choccies the next day for being so great. Think you did v.well to manage alone.

Btw, 40 per cent tax bracket starts relatively low - used to be something like 27-30k? So not really worth boasting about (unless you live in an area where average salaries are quite low). Very sad if that's the only thing she can find to impress people!

QoQ, I was quite startled. I didn't say anything to the mum in question, as I didn't know where to start! They'd gone through into another room (through a couple of doors), and DS2 was wandering about in a room with the folks hired to tidy out the soft play, and a couple of random older kids. He wasn't in the least bothered.

I guess she forgot, or was distracted ... I didn't really stress the bit about minding DS2, but I did ask ... all my stuff was left there, too. Well, we were all fine.

And all the money talk sounds rude, and even more importantly, boring!

In your "friends" position, I wouldn't have actually offered to help, I would have just mucked in with the kids. But then, I always muck in with kids, whoevers they are, and whoever's responsibility they are.

I'm a mucker-in too. We are very, very lucky in ds' class, in that almost all the parents are the sort who will help if they stay (minus a couple of bolters). We all help each other, right down to sick mopping and fight-breaking.
Glad your party went well QoQ - in just a couple of years your ds1 will have strong views about who to invite, so if the children are as boastful and inconsiderate as their mothers, they might find themselves off the guest list. Around 6 or 7 children are suddenly very aware of who's rude, who shoves, who never says thanks or shares...

I do understand the bolters - if you've got more than one kid, and only one parent available, you either have to ask the party organisers to accept 3 kids instead of 1 from your family. So leaving the kids is more sensible, really.

I'm having DS1's 4th party next Saturday, and I put "parents welcome but not required" on the invites ... I plan to provide parent-friendly food, and wine I guess too.

help, sadly its in my nature.

just read the other posts. dont bother inviting these moms to stay next time. i once had a similar sort of situation, just sunday lunch, for dh friends, which went on for the whole of sunday. i had to go to work the next day. the friends wife didnt, not did her uninvited sister. they sat their the entire time whilst i ranround like a loony, serving them various courses, washing dishes clearing up, rolling socks and putting laundry away. [i had to, coz wouldnt have had any time during the week.]

needless to say, i have never invited them again. six years and counting

I don't mind bolters either - it is fair enough with family weekend logistics. It's ones who stay but do sweet FA, or even start playing spot the over-achiever, that get me.
We did ds' party at a "venue" this year for the first time and I rather missed skulking on the patio with various mums while pizza and pinata contents were hurled around the garden
(summer birthdays = God's reward for being hugely pregnant in heatwaves)
Good luck NQC, I hope you have a lovely time.

I'd volunteer to help too - but I have to say that for dd's birthday party, half of the mothers didn't stay, and the other half sat on their backsides gossiping and drinking tea the whole time they were there. The only person who asked if they could help was the 11 year old brother of one of dd's friends, who had stayed with her because she's a bit shy.

It didn't really bother me - I hadn't expected them to stay in the first place, so it was no loss that they didn't help.

am i weird? i find it cheaper to do a party at a venue, than at home..

TBH, I never quite know the ettiquette for parties in people's homes (as in whether to stay or go). Ds1 has been to a few self-organised ones but they've been at a village hall type place, and we've stayed (but virtually every parent has stayed too) and there's been lots of family help. He's been to 1 party at someone's house, but dh took him and left him as he said there were only 6 children in total there and he'd asked whether he should stay or not but the mum said no. He's got a party to go to next weekend which is at someone's home and I don't really know if we're expected to stay or not... it's a minefield all this party politics!

I don't understand that kind of behaviour. Surely it is only polite to ask? And better than sitting around talking about the price of holidays IMO.

Can I ask something though? My dd is only 17 months so I have no experience of kids parties and can't remember my own.

What is the protocol? I mean, the dad that left... is that 'frowned upon'?

x posted GeorginaA, but I am now pretty scared about the years ahead!

stitch, it might be cheaper to book a venue but I have actually enjoyed doing dd's parties at home, which is why that's what I've done until now. Next year we won't have room though - a dozen 4 year olds was as much as we can take in the house, a class of 5 year olds will be too many.

stitch, I actually like doing it at home, too. Preparing food and taking it somewhere else is too much work for me.

And in our circles, at third and fourth birthday parties, parents started leaving. The kids are fine with it, and I can understand, particularly when the parents aren't friends of mine, just the kids are DS1's friends.

i wanted to do ds2's foourth party at home.. was really looking forward to it. but in doing all the planning, realised it would cost three times as much to do it at home than to do it iin the soft play area and get them to do the food and party bags.
did a party at home for dd's first. cost us allmost £500.

IMHO they were very rude in sitting doing nothing, and rude for discusing money and boasting about holidays and wages etc.

Why not even help with clearing up????

Even if they thought you were doing a fantastic job with the actual party food and games etc. {which you obviously did } they should have helped with clearing up

Sooooooooo rude

Well done for holding such a deffo brill party

Your DS obviously thinks his mum is deffo brill and he had a brill time

Happy birthday to him btw

I don't do soft play areas, they're not really dd's thing. Her first birthday was just the babies playing and some sandwiches, so cost next to nothing, and the next two were playing in the garden and some sandwiches. It was only her 4th that cost me anything because we had a face painter/balloon sculptor. If I'd taken it to a venue it would have been a hall somewhere, and would have cost me more, because I would still have had to make the food and pay for the entertainer on top of the venue.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the age when they can take 1 or 2 special friends to the cinema

Yes, I know, I'm such a party pooper

What age is that GeorginaA??

When I grew out of kiddy parties I started having sleepovers... 10 girls up all night, I think it might be worse!

I remember making the mistake of providing wine for the grown-ups at my dd's birthday party, in the hope of luring them to stay and help. They didn't. They stayed, got pissed and chatted to each other in the kitchen. I was fuming.

weesaidie: 5 years old probably (ds1 is 4)