Children say the wierdest/funniest things

[Poppett]

We all know that children say the funniest things my eldest has come out with some corkers. But quite recently she has been going into great detail about a house she used to live at and a pet rabbit she used to have - we have only lived at this house and we've never had a pet rabbit. Also not long after my grandad died when I would put her to bed she would ask me who was the man standing behind me, I never dismissed what she said as silly because you never really know do you?. Anyone else got any really funny or wierd things that thier children have said/done?

This one is not really funny just down right embarrassing - I had just got out of the pool with my ds (then aged about 3) and sitting down for a juice and biscuit before heading home, two men walked in, one of which was mentally and physically handicapped. Ds shouts out, look Mummy there's a Troll. Guess which book I had been reading him every night for weeks!! I tried gently (and quietly) to tell him that he was not a troll just a man who did not quite look the same as daddy and Uncles x, his response to that was "well he looks like the troll in my book"

If I wasn't anti-smacking I'd suggest a clip round the ear for your dh, star. I bet your dd has the right of it, anyhow.

Had to add this one, we were in, dare I say Mac Donalds the other day with dds cousins, being served by a fairly butch lady, when dd pipes up "look thats a man isn't it but he's wearing tights!". Needless to say it was quite a rapid exit.
That's reminded me too dds cousin used to call it "f**k Donalds!"

Jaybee, oh no! R

For a while when we were replacing floorboards/ carpets in our hallway we had a lot of woodlice beetles around. My ds (then about 2)was a bit scared of them all. One day, when I was saying 'don't worry, they won't hurt you" he announced "I don't beetles....but I like raisins though!" Urggh! I still double check his muesli in the morning now!

I have just spent five minutes with tears rolling down my cheeks with laughter! Can't wait for ds to start talking.

f**k Donalds!! I shall be passing that one around!

My son's (18 mo.) current favorite phrase is "naughty daddy" and I am milking it for all it's worth. My poor husband has desperately been trying to teach him "naughty mummy" but he is positively uninterested (smart kid as far as i'm concerned). Daddy gets blamed for everything whether he's home or not!

SofiaAmes - Oh yes - I can relate to this - we're at that wonderful stage at the moment when ds (2.5) simply LOVES conveying 'messages' between dh & I: "Mummy needs a cup of tea..." (at 6.30 am) and "you're a dirty stop-out" (when Daddy came home late after a boys night out and had a hangover the next morning)

SofiaAmes - Oh yes - I can relate to this - we're at that wonderful stage at the moment when ds (2.5) simply LOVES conveying 'messages' between dh & I: "Mummy needs a cup of tea..." (at 6.30 am) and "you're a dirty stop-out" (when Daddy came home late after a boys night out and had a hangover the next morning)

My little girl is 2 1/2 & said to her dad the other day "I like your feathers", hairy chest! It was so funny, I am writing all these little things down.

This isn't my dds but my hv, but I didn't know where else to put it. When asking for advice re:constipation in my 25m dd, she responded with, had I ever given her a balloon to blow whilst trying to poo! I ask you, I can see where she's coming from but my dd would either chew it or more likely chuck it back at me, especially when in the throes of trying to resist the inevitable poo.
This is the same hv, who in the midst of MONTHS of BAD nights with dd, said when she wakes at 2, 3 or 4 am give her a little light to switch on and some crayons and paper!!!! Is it just me or is that ridiculous for a 21m old ( or any age really?)

Lol that does seem absurd batey, on both pieces of "advice"! And I'm sure I read on a packet of balloons they were not recommended for under threes due to being a choking hazard or something...what a very odd woman!

Batey I would do my best to hide all crayons away from a 21 month old in the middle of the night....

This was dd's advice (at 5yrs 7m) to ds (3yrs 2m) about why he shouldn't look at the sun: "Cos it has razors coming out of it!" I worked out later she meant "rays!"

I brought some Tixylix the other day for dry coughs. On the leaflet it said not recommended for children over 10 years of age. It then went on to say 'may cause drowsiness, do not operate machinery or drink alcohol'. ??!!!!!

Must admit though, had a bad headache last week and we were all out of paracetamol. I couldn't be bothered to go out so instead I took 4 spoonfuls of junior Nurofen - worked a treat! Tastes disgusting though, I'm not surprised my 3 year old won't take it.

After explaining to my niece (aged 2) that auntie was getting a new baby and that the baby was in her belly and that was why her belly was so big, and my niece seeming to understand, her mummy proudly asked her in front of a party of relatives "Darling, what is in auntie ***'s belly?" - dn replied in an excited, breathy voice "too many cakes". Who was that auntie? That auntie was me!

Not weird or funny, but just very sweet:

Ds (4.75yo), pointing at computer keyboard: "How do the words get from there onto the screen?"

Me: "I'm afraid I don't know - you'll have to ask Daddy, he's a physicist and knows all about space and electricity and computers and stuff."

Ds: "So what do you know about, Mummy?"

Me: "I'm a biologist, so that means I know all about plants and animals, and about how our bodies work."

Ds thinks for a moment, then grins: " I know what little children know all about" he says, "How to do this!" and throws his arms around me and gives me a huge hug.

Why do they have to grow up?

Azzie, that's so sweet! My ds asked me the other day when the microwave was pinging: "is it ringing up another microwave?" since I'd explained about the internet and computers ringing up other computers

I was just in the takeaway waiting for my order when this slim, blonde, designer clad women came in she had parked her flashy sports car outside leaving two small children in the car.The two girls approx aged 5+8 yo got out of the car with skipping ropes and began skipping outside the door when the elder girl shouted into the shop "mum, remember when you showed me how to skip and weed yourself" the mum told her to be quiet and the little girl shouted no but you did you weed yourself, the mum mumbled something about pelvic floor muscles i couldn't get out of the shop quick enough.

That is so brilliant - didn't you just start laughing out loud straightaway? I would not have been able to contain myself (and I don't mean I would have weed).That story has really cheered me up today.

I did start laughing but Dh was the best ,he was standing in the corner reading the paper which was shaking because he was trying to contain his laughter!!!

I hope I don't offend anyone with this story - here goes. Best friend went to Off Licence with dp nephew to buy sweets and juice as a treat one evening. Shop is busy and as they enter the owner's large alsation dog runs up to friend and covers her in slobber. Nephew (aged 5.5 yo) turns to friend and says "oh dear, do you know what, he probably smells your pussy" - everyone in shop turns to stare - friend indeed has a large fluffy cat called Elmo so nephew was probably right!