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Original poster

Kids not having birthday parties

86 replies

jenkel · 25/08/2005 13:47

Ok, I'll probably get my head bitten off by writing this by somebody on here but here goes.

My dd has just turned 3 and we had a lovely large party in the garden, about 8 3 year olds, the siblings and mums and dads. It was a lovely day and my dd really enjoyed herself. We have had a party for her every year and couldnt imagine not doing that. We even had a smaller party for her sister in Feb, smaller as it had to be inside but we still had a lovely day.

My 3 year old is a part of a group of other 3 year olds and we seen each other quite a lot, a couple of them have never held a birthday party in all the 3 years, but they are quite happy to go to all the others. This really annoys me, firstly I feel sorry of the child that hasnt had a birthday party and I think its a cheek to go to all the others. I wouldnt ever not invite the child but why do parents to this. Yes birthday parties for toddlers are hard work and they can be expensive but you dont need to do it expensiveley, what do you others think?

OP posts:

MaloryTowers · 25/08/2005 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountessDracula · 25/08/2005 13:55

Well I love giving parties, any excuse tbh, for us or dd.

However some people don't like it. They find it stressful and can't deal and don't enjoy it themselves. So why should they? It's a personal choice IMO.

I would NEVER not invite someone to a party just because they are not the party giving type

Original poster

jenkel · 25/08/2005 13:58

see, knew it would happen....

My criteria for inviting children are those that my children play with, I have birthday parties as my 2 girls enjoy them and I want to share a happy day with people that we all care about.

As I said, I would never exclude a child, its not the childs fault.

Obviously other people dont feel the same way as I do. I dont think I'm being unreasonable, just voicing my feelings.

OP posts:

nutcracker · 25/08/2005 13:59

I think you are being unreasonable.

Original poster

jenkel · 25/08/2005 14:01

Wow, am getting my head bitten of arent I.

The joy of Mumsnet huh!!!!

OP posts:

nutcracker · 25/08/2005 14:02

No not biting your head of just saying IMO it is unreasonable, as alot of kids don't start having parties until they are at school.

Blackduck · 25/08/2005 14:03

Personally have used ds's two birthdays as an excuse to throw a party and there have (oh shame) been more adults than children, but Idon't think at the age of 3 they really get it, or feel deprived. How do you know these parents won't do something when their child is a bit older and therefore able to appreciate it? You obviously enjoy it, as others have said, may be these other parents don't and are taking the opportunity to get away with not doing it while they can.....

Original poster

jenkel · 25/08/2005 14:06

Ok, fair enough, each to their own.

As I said I would never not include a child.

If my girls get invited somewhere, I just think it is polite to return the invitation, if they get invited to somebodys house I would invite that child back to me.

And before you all have another go at me, I invite anybody to our house, not just if we get invited back. Just think its the polite thing to do.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 25/08/2005 14:06

I think well done to the parents of those children for doing what they want to do, and not being swayed by fashion. Good for them, too, for not holding parties they don't want to hold out of guilt because they think other people will resent them for not returning invites.

Not everyone celebrates birthdays - some religions forbid it - and not everyone choses to celebrate a birthday in the same way. You might enjoy a party, but other people might prefer a family "do" or a day out.

Original poster

jenkel · 25/08/2005 14:07

OK, I'm in the minority, just wish I hadnt voiced my feelings. Lets close the subject now

OP posts:

Blackduck · 25/08/2005 14:08

I get your if my girls are invited, I would return the invitation bit, but you are implying because YOU throw a party and invite kids, everyone else should - why? You make it sound like they 'owe' you

ZoeC · 25/08/2005 14:10

I would never expect anyone to have a party if they choose not to - if they have one and did not invite your dd that's different. And the example of inviting round each others houses is also not the same as expecting people to host parties every birthday just because you think they should.

Fimbo · 25/08/2005 14:10

My ds is 2 in December, my dh and I have decided not to have a party for him. I run the local mother and toddler group and would end up having to invite all the children from there as I would feel awful leaving anyone out. Instead we are taking him on a Santa Special train trip. My dd is 7 and we have had a party every year for her and tbh you end up inviting kids that your child hardly speaks to, just because you make small talk with the mother/father.

colditz · 25/08/2005 14:10

Jenkel, jeez, nobody's had a go at you yet, so how they would have another one, I don't know.

You are entitled to throw as many parties as you want, and invite whoever you please. However, not throwing a party is hardly neglect, is it?

i'm not having a party for ds's 3rd, because I do not like other people's kids

WigWamBam · 25/08/2005 14:11

Jenkel, there's no need to close the subject because we don't all agree. No-one's having a go at you, you asked us what we think and we're discussing what we think.

Blackduck · 25/08/2005 14:11

colditz!

Cooweee · 25/08/2005 14:12

Hi Jenkel

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all.

I understand what you are saying.

I reckon though some of these mums just cant be bothered with the hassle of it all and some are probably just tight!

But some maybe feel they just want to wait until they are older.

I know a few mums who work quite hard and a party is just too much work for them hence they would not enjoy it.

But if it is because they are just too tight and lazy to hold one then yes they would irritate me.

I also know a few mums who always comment on how good the parties were and they feel like they could not do one as good - which is silly as they kids do not look onit like that. All they need is food, balloons and music.

colditz · 25/08/2005 14:12

So there!

oliveoil · 25/08/2005 14:14

dd1 - when she was 1, no party, parents round that was it. When she was 2, same. She will be 3 in October and may have friends then as she will be starting playgroup. So I will probably do somehting a bit more adventurous.

dd2 - 1 on Saturday! no party, just parents and inlaws round to coo.

Do not see the point IMO of parties when they are young.

She goes to other peoples parties, never thought that I was rude to attend and not reinvite back!

fqueenzebra · 25/08/2005 14:18

I would much rather have Jenkel's problem than the situation we do have. I throw parties for DS. Lots of kids come and have a good time. Then they have parties, but don't invite DS to any of them

zubb · 25/08/2005 14:19

Ds1 is 3 and never had a party. He's 4 in January and we're thinking about having one as this is the first time he's really been aware that you have parties for birthdays. Before we've celebrated as a family - been out for the day and had tea at home with a cake.
IMO if he'd have had a party before it would have been for my benefit not for his, he gets to play with his friends all the time anyway. Ds2 and ds3 won't be having parties till they are at least 4 either.
And yes, ds1 has been to other peoples parties, but these are friends that he plays with a lot, so I don't think not having a party will bother anyone.

Original poster

jenkel · 25/08/2005 14:21

True, everybody is allowed to do what ever they want.

I love parties, I love sharing special days with special people, I invite my childrens friends and not my friends.

I have been to big parties and ones with a few kids and a slice of cake, they are still birthday parties. I do expect invites to be returned, even if it is a play afternoon with birthday cake to finish with.

I dont expect big parties with all the trimmings, a play afternoon would just be as good.

OP posts:

PeachyClair · 25/08/2005 14:21

We didn't have a prty for DS3's recent birthday, or at least not for the people on the 'social circuit' here. We went home to see relatives instead. I think a lot of people do that?

We have had lots of parties in the past, DS has been invited back to very few of them, I couldn't tell who though coz I don't keep tabs. Do you?

ZoeC · 25/08/2005 14:23

fqueenzebra - jenkel was saying they don't have parties, not that they do but leave her dd out. I would hope that most party invites would be reciprocated provided they are actually having a party, and I'm sorry you're not finding it to be the case.

ZoeC · 25/08/2005 14:24

just re-read your post properly, sorry fqueenzebra

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