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Original poster

Neighbour not buckling up her kids

90 replies

mieow · 25/07/2003 14:39

I noticed today as we were strapping our children in their car seats my neighbour leaving her driveway and all 3 of her kids were standing up on the seats. They are 7,4 and 2. The baby has a carseat as I have seen him in it before but he was standing up waving to me. What should I do? They were quick enough to come round when DS was standing on top of his slide and jumping up and down, and tell us off basically, but this is really bad and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Boe · 28/07/2003 16:11

No need to be sad - was a long time ago and thngs would have been different in my life if she had lived but I would probably not have DP and DD. I would have loved to have known her but there you go - there is nothing I can do about it!!

Just think this is too much of an important issue to tread lightly - it is child abuse in my book and should be taken very seriously.

Apparently children should be in the back of the car behind the passeger seat and strapped into a car seat until they are 5 and then a booster seat. Not just a piece of foam with a cover on it either - a proper booster seat that holds the seatbelt at the right height to minimalise internal injuries this is waht the placing of the seatbelts is about - you also need to make sure that the head guard thing is at the right height as well.

Oh and just a little post script - my dad turned round to have a go at my sister who was messing about in the back of the car (she was 3) - entirely his fault (he should have ignored her) but this could have been avoided!!

easy · 28/07/2003 16:21

okay controversial comment here.

You love, nurture and care for YOUR OWN children, and let other parents do the same.

I agree it is unsafe and illegal not to strap your kids in, but we can't live everyone else's lives for them.

Think about this ...
A comitted vegetarian believes you are damaging your child's health by giving her meat. Would you thank that mother for coming round and having a go at you about it ??

It's a fine line.

You can't be responsible for everyone's children.

Lil · 28/07/2003 16:22

Boe your story is an eye-opener, really. Your poor dad though, he must have been guilt ridden. Does make me think.

Boe · 28/07/2003 16:25

Vegetarianism is a bit of a silly comparable. If you could show me information that proves that meat could kill me all well and good I would consider it not feeding it to my daughter.

The statistics on road safety are proven and the benfit of car seats are immense.

It is about protecting and keeping safe those that cannot do it for themselves. I really do not give a toss about the parents it is the children that are exposed to a possible life threatening situation that we as a society need to think of.

Boe · 28/07/2003 16:26

Yes Lil he should have been but has spent the next 27 years feeling sorry for himself - he recently told my sister what actually happened (she was the 3 year old) and said that therefore it was her fault - he deserves every ill that visits him!!

zebra · 28/07/2003 16:37

Boe: I wish I could bring you 'round to speak to my Bengali neighbours (they who never buckle their kids in). I have a friend who sailed thru a windscreen when she was 5yo and has horrible scars on her face because of it (this was in Mexico where the doctors were not brill' at plastic surgery). I know that the Bengalis have a different attitude to the risks due to conditions in their country of birth; in this country none of them will die in childbirth, nor will their children die from dysentary or get carried off by floods. So the car thing doesn't seem like a big deal to them.

easy · 28/07/2003 16:38

No, Boe you've missed the point.

I'm not suggesting that any one thinks meat is that dangerous, just that it is not our place to intervene in how a mother treats her children in day to day situations.

I agree the parents should fasten the kids in, but not that you (or Mieow) should beetle over and lay down the law. That's a job for the Police.

zebra · 28/07/2003 16:38

Oh Sheesh, just read that bit about your Dad. My mother used to blame me for her divorce. Parents, eh? Who'd have them!

Boe · 28/07/2003 16:55

I am sorry I disagree but as you can see this is a subject close to my heart so I know I would probably get too involved and say something which I shouldn't - I have now learnt not to do that.

Children should be strapped in for their own safety and that is the end of the storey as far as I am concerned and as some paernts think that putting their kids at risk is ok then someone needs to stand up for the children and that someone should be the law and if they don't then I am quite willing to poke my nose in for the safety of the kids.

As I have said end of storey in my opinion.

lisalisa · 28/07/2003 17:21

Message withdrawn

Lil · 28/07/2003 17:21

I remmeber on another thread SueDomin explaining that in certain Asian countries the children are brought up by the whole village, and everyone 'pokes their nose in'. Or looks out for them..depending on your view

Lil · 28/07/2003 17:23

lisalisa if you look at the regulations in EU countries you'll see none of them are the same regarding car seats. I think its Spain that allows children in the cars without belts at all!

CarolLouise · 28/07/2003 17:32

I think this is appalling! In the last week, I've seen: 1) A Merc, full of kids with 2 sitting in the boot (not a people carrier or with rear seats), driven by a mum, who was on her mobile with music blaring stopped at the traffic lights. She goes past a police car on her left who obviously finishing his shift ignores her; 2) a little boy aged about 4, standing on the front seat of his mum's battered Fiesta whilst she went all the way round the roundabout in the wrong lane; 3) a woman driving along on her mobile with her kid standing in the car seat with a dog on the back parcel shelf. Sadly, all of these cars were being driven by women and whilst they are probably more likely to be the ones ferrying the kids around, it really does give the rest of us who do take care when driving, a bad image. I now have made a decision to take people's reg. numbers and report them. Just hope the police do follow them up!

LIZS · 28/07/2003 17:44

Boe,

I fully understand where you are coming from, given your experiences but want to avoid any unnecessary misinterpretations.

Please could you clarify your comment re:booster seats before we all get paranoid. Many car seats, especially those for latter stages are of moulded polystyrene foam construction, including the most popular brands. Did you actually mean spongy cushion foam or were you simply making the point that there needs to be some sort of adjustment for lap belt and height of shoulder belt with a booster seat.

tia

hmb · 28/07/2003 18:05

The UK legal situation can be seen at
UK Rules

As far as I can see it doen't say anything about the materiel the seat should be made of.

judetheobscure · 28/07/2003 19:31

This is a good guide to the law: child car seat laws .

Agree with boe and many others - this is not a matter where parents should decide what is best for their child. It is abundantly clear that seat belts save lives - that is why the law has been changed to ensure that children are protected.

aloha · 28/07/2003 21:18

easy, I can't agree. Children can't make decisions about their safety. If parents are both a/breaking the law and b/putting their kids at real risk then I think we have a DUTY to intervene. Children aren't the property of their parents, they are people, and if their parents won't care for them properly then other people have to do so as part of the duty and responsibilities of living in a civilised society. Suppose you knew some parents weren't feeding their children enough to keep them alive - would you do something then, or think it just the private business of their parents. I think children belong to all of us (in as much as they belong to anyone) when they are at risk. I don't hesitate to step in if I think children are suffering and I'm not ashamed of it. Recently a woman left her two kids in a car in a heatwave (in the US) when she went to get her hair done. Three hours later she returned and the kids were dead. They were covered in vomit, and the windows of the car was covered with the imprints of their lips as they tried desperately to find some air. THREE HOURS PARKED ON A PUBLIC ROAD. Can you imagine how many people walked past thinking 'it's none of my business' as those children suffered and died. What about James Bulger, who wept as he was frogmarched down the street and adults - even ones who could see his distress - thought, 'it's none of my business, I won't intervene' before he was tortured to death. I wish more people intervened and more people cared.

Claireandrich · 28/07/2003 21:27

Easy, 'fraid I don't agree either on this one. My feelings on this are: I couldn't live with myself knowing that I had ignored a situation and those children died in a crash. What is I had said something and the mum had listened - they could be saved? Even if mum didn't listen at least had tried to do something.

whymummy · 28/07/2003 22:04

lil,all my friends in spain have car seats for the children,it is the law,its also forbidden to have a child under 12 in the front seat,if theres seat belts at the back every child has to be strapped in ,sadly not everyone follows the rules

DaddyMatt · 28/07/2003 23:04

It really gets to me when I see kids who aren't buckled in, when I'm driving. It's the parents who have to look out for their children.

Ronniebaby · 28/07/2003 23:06

I was annoyed the other day a couple driving a Discovery were buckled up in the front, yet their little girl (about 2/3yo) was standing up, climbing about. It was raining heavily and we were periodically breaking sharply, I wanted to shoot them, as I would have had to stop if an accident occured and reported it to the Police.

Ronniebaby · 28/07/2003 23:10

I don't know if I would say something to the neighbours, but would love to report them to a governing body for this, those children have no fear or comprehension of danger or why they have to stay in their seats strapped in. I will not let my DS in the car with out the seat belt or in fact any passenger, if they don't have theirs on it could kill me, just like that advert.

leander · 28/07/2003 23:13

I was driving up the motorway yesterday when a van which had been driving up my arse overtook, he must have been doing about 80mph and he had a kid in the passenger seat about 8yo not strapprd in hanging out the window.It makes my blood boil when i see things like this
I had a crash at about 30mph and it hurt me where the seatbelt dug in,Ds 18mth was stapped in safely in the back of the car and he was fine it makes me feel sick to the stomach to think what might have happened had he not been strapped in.

misdee · 28/07/2003 23:56

we teach our kids how to be safe, how to cross the road safely, not to speak to strangers, dont play in road etc etc, surely we should also teach them the importance of wearing seatbelts.
easy, u say its not up to us to make sure other parents strap their kids in, but i know mieow means well by these 3 kids next door. they come over to play with her kids, her boy goes over there to play. its not like she doesnt know these kids, she just has their well being at heart.

and on car seats, why is it the expensive ones are the only ones that will fit in my car????

Bossanova · 29/07/2003 01:39

I've probably said it before but you wouldn't drive along with a £20,000 china vase rolling around on the back seat, so why do people drive with their much more precious child unrestrained?

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