feel/know am failre since i know am not good an enough a mum to have a second child

[bumbly]

title says it all

see all these super mums with tw0-three toddlers and i cna barely cope with one

failure and useless

Hi bumbly

I really understand how you feel. I had one son and felt just like you. Really felt like I couldn't cope a lot of the time and the thought of having another one, well, that was impossible. I looked on with amazement as the mums around me had two year or less gaps and then had third babies!

I'm sure you are not a failure or useless. How old is your DC? Some toddlers are much harder work than others! My son was very hard work!( But the good news is that he's grown up really well. He is nearly 10 and is lovely and well behaved.)

I have had a DD as well but there is an 8 year gap! That's the only way I could have two. That's how I know some toddlers are harder than others. Compared to my DS she is a breeze!

I also suffered from post natal depression after my DD was born. That can make you feel like you are a failure when actually you are doing fine. It can be missed so even if you had your DC a little while ago it might be worth seeing your GP.

So, just wanted to send my support. I know how hard it is, this motherhood business!

Hmmm... I am a Mum of one and think Mums like you describe simply have different skills from me and different priorities or options in life. They are not better than me at being a Mum they just, for some reason or other, go about things differently from me. Which as far as I am concerned is pretty cool because variety is the spice of life.

My feeling is, what matters most here; is that you feel confident about being the Mum you are. It sounds to me like you need to forget about these other Mums and get yourself a big injection of delicious confidence!!!

Bumbly - In the one child family tearoom we do a lot of handholding and help to give each other confidence in having an only. Maybe you would like to pop in for a virtual cup of tea glass of bolly and chat?

Bumbly, I very much doubt that is true, but kids can be hard work, they can, mine was, and is, but I've chosen an only and I love it. Still though, she can be a tough nut!

I don't post in the tearoom but I believe it's good and supportive, so perhaps have a look there?

Seconds Tea Room invitation to everyone

Bumbly, I have one child. He's lovely, very mellow most of the time (although he has found the ability to have hair spaz-outs recently ), and the light of my life... but I don't know how I would cope with a second. I expect I would if by some bloomin' miracle we had another one (NOT likely) but I think I would struggle. I am one of those people who needs a lot of "me-time" so I don't turn into a stone bitch, and me-time is, of course, very thin on the ground with a child. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe I am a crap mum. I don't think so, though - I think it means I know what I can cope with and what I do well, and that's what I'm going to stick with. I think that's you, too. Please don't think of yourself as a failure. Look at it as knowing what you can do well, and in that capacity, giving your l.o. the best of you.

Do you want another child Bumbly? Some mothers seem to cope better with two kids than one. Don't rule it out, if that's what you want. Or do you think you'd genuinely be better off with just the one? That's okay too. It can take a little getting used to, if it's not what you set out to do (if you encounter anyone around here who claims mothers who didn't set out to have only one are never happy, please ignore them) but it can be brilliant, really.

Personally, I find it useful to step away for a moment and think 'if I were looking at someone else in my situation, would I feel this way about them?' You can use me if you like. I have one child in part because I really couldn't hack doing it all again. I sometimes climb the walls with stress looking after one six-year-old. If I have to look after someone else's as well I go a bit cross-eyed, and I really can't be trusted with three or more children. Am I useless and a failure? Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else.

I think that I'm a good mum to one, but I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be a very good mum to two or more. Some women are, but the fact that I wouldn't be doesn't make me a failure.

Some people are good at maths or languages, or art, or coping with lots of children. Others excel in other areas. Give yourself a break and enjoy the child you have. There is no law that says you have to have another.

MamaVoo - could not agree more, I truly believe its much better to listen to your instincts and recognise your strengths - you're a great mum of one, celebrate it!

It's exactly why I am stopping at one - love my dd and but know my limitations and watching all my friends with 2 plus know I would not be a great mum of more, we'd cope but I want more for my dd than a mummy that copes.

What utter bollocks some people say. I am a mum to one lovely little girl. I know that I would be a dreadful mother if I had more than one.
Look after yourself.