Tea Room the Fourteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the 14th instalment of the Tea Room. It's now officially spring, and we've moved the tea room to a Gipsy caravan pulled by the tea room horses, which is making its way up the countryside in an effort to follow spring. There are of course hedgerows filled with spring flowers, Mellors the handsome gardener/driver/handyperson, the usual virtual Bishops, and the assorted animals and characters from previous tea rooms. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!) for general chat and the occasional very odd conversation. Climb aboard, grab a cuppa, enjoy the view, relax!...

Just reading the article on sex selection in Guardian. Did you read it Trowel? I thought there would be mn thread on it but haven't been able to find one.

Yes, I did.

you have just mentioned that you read bad science, which is in the guardian, I know that as I also read it!

Have I? It's really Cmot who's the Bad Science fan, although I read it occasionally.

CMOT said she was going to read the book, and you mentioned reading the column but not intending to get the book. You are so paranoid !

I read it too, and thought there would be a really vicious thread on it by now. Well, I think the people interviewed seemed to confirm the stereotype - all of them seemed to want girls that they could 'dress up', i.e. a child that conformed to the parents' idea of what a girl (or boy) should be, and that seems wrong to me. I don't understand it, myself - surely these people should just be happy and grateful that they have healthy children? Kind of insulting to people who really struggle to have children, or have other issues to confront.

Was it an issue for any of you? It wasn't for us - assumed it would be a boy but thrilled with girl too. I have noticed that almost all the only children I know in RL are girls (3 on my street alone) but sure this must be coincidental.

The trend towards wanting girls rather than boys is more interesting than the actual article IMO - why is this, do you think?

Right, wine finished, virtual twiglets eaten (thanks ) - time for bed, my turn to respond to-crepuscular wailing get the sweetly smiling babe out of bed in the morning

I'm not sure what I think about the whole idea, on an individual level. Though I do think it would be quite scary if sex selection was the norm, if all children were sex selected.

I originally wanted a girl. One reason, I believe the saying that goes along the lines of you have a son until he gets a wife, you have a daughter all your life, or something like that . I guess I would go for lunch with my mom, chat on the phone, share problems, and have her as an important person in my life, whereas boys seem to stop talking to their parents once they reach around 14 and never start talking to them again. So it is a selfish thing. Not as superficial as the pretty dresses idea of a girl (which seems crazy to me), but selfish none the less.

But since having LittleO I have often thought that if I were to have another I would be happy either way. Now that I have experienced having a boy I think they are amazing and would be just as happy to have another as to have a girl.

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me.

I found it all rather troubling, for the sorts of reasons which DrivingMissCrazy outlines. And I was left questioning why, on a crowded planet with dwindling resources, anyone with three or four children would want - or think it socially responsible to have - another child anyway.

You have a lovely turn of phrase, DrivingMissCrazy. Crepuscular wailing, indeed.

Ha Ha HA
Now, Trowel, for Interesting Things you learn on MN number next one - release of animals into the wild is restricted by Section 14 of the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 which stops you releasing animals which aren't normal GB residents or varmints that are banned (which is where grey squirrels come in). Notwithstanding the sharp swing against the wall by tail technique I am legally allowed to release my petite mouse as and when it is foolish enough to trip trap into my little mouse house. The by law in London which means I have to go to a strip of park to let the blighter go is something else again...I am not sure why I know this but tehre you are

Skipping gently to sex selection - not having read the Grawn but never letting lack of knowledge get in the way of a good opinion....I was convinced DaisyBoy was a girl until moments after he was from my womb untimely ripped....I think his sex was the most startling thing of a fairly hairraising half hour

Round us the hospitals won't tell you sex on a scan in the NHS such is the concern about selection in these here parts....

I cannot even begin to understand why people would select - and wholly agree with DMC. There was (tangentally) an interesting piece on From Our Own Correspondent R4 a few weeks back - problems of trying to marry in China due to tipsy topsy turvy sex selection these many a year.....

Oh, and to throw a spanner in the works, most of the kids round my way are boys - so of our cohort of about 12 families 11 have have boys - only 1 is one girl only. Of the others some have one of each but of the single only families only one is a girl....This is just my local spot, could be something in the water

Yes, that's the conclusion I had reached, Daisy. That grey squirrels are a special case because they are an introduced pest but dear little Mickey can live to see another day. Did he like the smoking jacket and cravat, by the way?

And Interesting Things You Learn From TrowelBloke. Julius Caesar wasn't (apparently) from his mother's womb untimely ripped. It's all a historical misunderstanding, innit.

Anyone want some more wine before I stagger up to bed with The Garden, like a woman obsessed?

Mickey likes the Smoking Jacket a little too well, I fear. I think he is bringing friends over tonight

Now, I can see you sneaking upstairs with Pru Leith's book under one arm and Mellors under the other to help you act out the saucy bits understand the more obscure plant names....Have Fun Trowel!

Firstly Happy Easter to all those who celebrate such a thing!!!! Do mind the Bishops - they get a bit lively on Easter Sunday...

Since Jacksmama asked, in common with 54% of women on the autism spectrum I was born with a brain that was wired for "hey, I wonder what gender I am?" rather than "wow, I'm a girl!". Thusly, it is by its very nature more than a bit, how shall one say, AC/DC. But in common with most people identifying with such a position, we end up picking someone we love, and that someone is my wonderful dh, with whom I have a totally monogamous relationship (which rather frustrates all those who hope to hear tales of wild bisexual multi-partnered debauchery, I sometimes feel - I'm extremely well behaved and sensibly mannered about such things tbh)

The church copes. So do the Bishops, though one or two have probably taken to needing the Diocesan gin IRL...

So there you have it. I have mentioned it here and there on mn before, but probably not in places people look much.

More tea to go with the "Well I never!" expressions, anyone?

Wow! I've missed a lot! :0

No thank you, I'll give the pain au chocolat a miss seeing as I've started on LittleB's easter eggs (Better make the most of that but feel no guilt as why do 2 year-olds need chocolate??? oh and we most certainly didn't buy them).

DMC - sorry to hear you've had your choices taken from you, that must be really painful and frustrating. I agree with consensus about not changing your name.

Roslily - hope the bug has eased and you're getting a bit of TLC now. Just think, you have even more reason to eat Gizmo's eggs as he's poorly!

Thought I'd better tell the rest of doggy story as I didn't go into detail. After ICSI failed in Feb, I started to get wild ideas about blowing 10 grand we didn't have a final try at the top place in London. Miraculously DH finally agreed (although he'd found doing the previous treatment hard despite not having to experience drug induced menopause). His condition was that we got our pup.
About 3 weeks after doggy comes to live with us, DH informs me that he doesn't want more kids and doesn't want to be a SAHD for 5 more years (we can't reverse roles as I earn approx 12 grand more a year than he )

So... have had to get my head around all that and pup. It's not coming naturally as I am a cat person. That's just the way it is. Btw, we have a black male labradoodle. Poor thing he's trying hard to charm me, employing tactics like eye-widening and tilting his head to one side...

Ah Bergitte, that adds an extra dimension to things - no wonder you're having a hard time coming to terms with the pup - it's a representation of Other Things as well as just being a dog.

Amber, glad you explained that, I was wondering too bur wasn't sure about asking (thanks JM!)

Ruddy mice are getting that cheeky now, they're coming out in plain sight again - as soon as the BH is over we're off to buy poison. MrThumb has been on a Refusal To Do Anything that constitutes work over this weekend.

I have completed one index of the two - took bloody ages - and still have the harder one to do by the end of Tuesday.

Happy easter everyone. Gizmo is slightly better and has eaten something.

Hope I'm still allowed in the tea room, even though I'm a young'un. Someone at church this morning asked if I was at university

A- I am bi too and although now married to dh have had several relationships with ladies.

I'll drop in some crispy cakes and a big jug of hot chocolate. Yum.

• forgot! Happy Easter everyone! All my lovely plans for Easter egg hunts etc. went out the window because of the Indexes (and the rain, to be fair) but at least miniThumb got his egg, his Lindt bunny and his Australian bunny so he was happy (and MrThumb and I got ours too so s all round!

roslily - glad Gizmo is better today.

Happy Easter!

Amber and Roslily - me too. Must be more common than we realise.

Bergitte - That sounds really tough. I would also find it hard to come to terms with if the decision were made by someone else. Had your dh previously also wanted more kids? Is this a recent change of heart do you think?

But, changing the subject, it is quite common, isn't it? Or, rather, I've always thought there's a lot of substance in the idea that sexuality is a spectrum, with some people at the 'unambiguously heterosexual' end and some at the 'unambiguously gay' end and then everyone else at some point between them. Seems to me that gender identity is quite a fluid thing. I got a Myers-Briggs score which (I was told) no woman would ever get. I've also got (apparently) male hands.

Or was he humouring you and hoping you would forget all about it? Poor dog, though. And poor you, but that goes without saying.

What a busy weekend in the tearoom/caravan

Am recovering from having had DH's parents, two brothers, a SIL, and 6 teenagers round for the afternoon and huge quantities of food. I mean, we are Never Knowingly Undercatered, and yet DH still found himself conjouring up a third meal.

DS's cousins are all of an age that he is likely to be closer in age to their children than to his cousins.

Am decompressing now - I find having so many people in the house very tiring, and they fill my head with too much stuff.

Will read and catch up later

oh Bergitte while a black Labradoodle is a gem of a dog it's not what you want. No wonder you are cool. I woudl find a sudden change of heart very hard to take, is it somethign you are able to discuss?

Hi all,

long, long complicated situation... DH had swung like a pendulum on this issue, but not sure he can cope with multiple cycles of IVF (and financial ruin!) on top of the past 4 years of infertility, fertility treatment, harrowing twin pregnancy, traumatic premature birth, death of our baby, spending a year wondering if our surviving son would stop breathing, plus colic, reflux, extreme teething and being a rather isolated SAHD. Oh, plus more treatment and a miscarriage.

When I put it on down on paper I can really see why he's had enough! Am amazed I want another baby after that lot too. So I genuinely feel it's time to concentrate on what we do have and work on our relationship. Am sure my hairy friend will get under my skin one of these days Plus LittleB seems to relish in being dragged around the garden by his coat.

Daisy - good luck with the mouse/meeces. We had a couple in our cellar and put peanut butter in the zapper. What have you used?

CMOT - sounds like a tiring Easter! Have a margherita...

Thumb - hope you got everything finished

I agree re sexuality, and am guessing that if you asked a LOT of people who live in hetero relationships (and delved quite deep!), they could tell you that their feelings are quite complex. Would describe myself in that way as someone who's never had full blown committed relationship with a woman but has developed "feelings"/a crush/an emotional attachment to more than one other female during my adult life so far (unrequited )

Anyway, think of me tomorrow in the car for 3 hours with tot and pup (please pray neither opens their bowels!)

Take care all

Of course he's not what you want. And I know that you know that that is not his fault. I remember (and I know that this is totally different), when we got present RacingDog some weeks after the sad demise of the last dog (which had been my dog) and I just couldn't take to her, DH saying, 'Come on, she's doing her best'' and somehow that was enough to stop me resenting her for not being what she wasn't and to see her as a little dog trying to be safe and liked and part of the family with no choice and nowhere else to go if it didn't work out. I adore her now, as does Wriggle.

Yes, DH was once wise and sensitive, before the advent of Wriggle when he sort of lost his balance.

So, try not to see the dog as the reason you are not having another baby, but as a person in his own right. Doing his best.

Went round to thank the neighbours for Wriggle's Easter egg earlier and ended up having that conversation, where neighbour was trying to convince me to have another while I made excuses. Children are, she agreed, a lot of work, obviously feeling that I was too lazy.