Tea Room the Twelfth

[RacingSnake]

Come in, come in, to Tea Room the Twelfth! We now inhabit a rambling log cabin, surrounded by mysterious pine forests and mist-covered mountains (but also, strangely) easily accessible by regulars, new-comers and passing bishops, ferried in by Mellors driving the troika. All the usual rules apply and all are welcome!

Marvellous policy, Amber! May I just suggest some small additions to the additions?

.... And we actively encourage harassment, bullying and child labour. On the rare occasions we pay our suppliers, we pay below the going rate. We take bribes, and nick the donation boxes for charities off the counters in shops. We use helicopters to get between appointments and waste as much as possible.

.... We like to think of ourselves as Family Unfriendly - if you are irresponsible enough to have a life outside work, we certainly don't wish to know anything about it and should it intrude on our limitless demands of you, we will dismiss you with utmost haste. Should you be ungrateful enough to take us to a tribunal to enforce your legal rights, we will resist the claim, blacken your character and publicly question your mental health.

These cookies are mouth-watering, thank you!

Cor, you've clearly worked for some of the companies we have!!

What the... OMG, have I ever missed a lot - thumb, you're pregnant???? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry all, I have been AWOL from the thread for a while, a combination of busy in RL but without anything really exciting to say and not having time to catch up on the thread... always makes me shy away... you'd think I'd have learned by now .

How is everyone?
Catita, have those ginger nuts finally arrived??

LOL Amber - mine aren't tanned!

Oh oh oh - but I do have something exciting to report - I am getting a cleaner (OMG!!!!) and she is starting today!! Bi-weekly only, but my goodness, I am going to have clean bathrooms at least every two weeks!!!

On a note, however, I am also very worried about my stepdad. (Yes, the same one I love to bitch about - a la the buckwheat pillow threads...) He had prostate cancer two years ago, and they thought it was all cleared up, but he started passing blood in his urine over the weekend. Mum took him to A & E, and they inserted an indwelling catheter, and did bladder lavage and all the blood seemed to be gone, which led them to think it might just have been an eroded blood vessel as radiation of course weakens the tissues. So they sent him home with the cath in place (which he would hate - he isn't the type who could cope equably with a bag of wee hanging from his leg) to await a urology consult. Thanks goodness the consult came through for Monday, so we'll see what they say then... however, this isn't looking good for them to come to us for Christmas on the 21st. Good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Mary - hope all is as imagined and no worry.

JM, thoughts for your stepdad - hope that its nothing to worry about too.

I've been off missing, but even I managed to catch up on that bit of news - mind you, it was, luckily, in the last two pages of the last thread that I read through before throwing myself back into the tearoom with some more cakes...

Amber - some more:

We do not believe in maternity benefits. And should you go off on maternity leave, we reserve the right to change all your terms and conditions when you have the audacity to come back, including removing your private office, even though you've been a loyal staff member for years.

When we talk about flexibility, we require you to be flexible in coming in early, leaving late and working weekends, but we won't pay you overtime or let you have time off in lieu.

Good to see you again, Jacksmama. You know you don't have to have anything important to say - if you did, I'd have left the thread months ago! Random wittering is tolerated and even encouraged (although Thumb has had really exciting news and we discussed some important stuff last night about the babies who aren't here). Now we are having fun contributing to Amber's company policy.

I am now suffering from cleaner envy.

Will light a candle for your step-dad.

And a candle for Mary. Hope that Addenbrookes will second what the GP has said.

Amber - Some more ...

This company is proud of its equal opportunities policy. All employees have the same opportunity to devote their life to the company and to receive the same rewards which, with the exception of those given to directors, will be derisory and grudgingly given. All employees have the same right not to be represented by any union and to have their terms and conditions altered at any time by management, which is always and unquestionably right in all matters.

This company is proud of its place in the community. As we sweep through the streets in the company limos, we are proud to see the local children standing in awe and breathing in our exhaust fumes. We provide employment for local people as serfs and minions and contrive to pay them a wage which is below the statutory minimum.

This is fun!

oh JM thinking hard for your poor Stepdad and Mum, what a worry

Goodness, do we have to have interesting things to say to be on the thread? I'd better pack then!

Daisy - you and me both!!!

Amber.. more... When we give you a pay increase, we will give you a % but then round it down to the nearest £1000....

JM, prayers aplenty for your situation there, yes.

More from the Social Irresponsibility Policy:

"Our staff training consists of telling them to spend their weekends reading manuals on things they don't need to know, and refusing to let them take time off in lieu. Once a year we humiliate the ones we really don't like by forcing them to walk on hot coals or drown in muddy assault courses whilst everyone laughs at them.

Our company health plan is to work until you drop. Staff caught taking a day off sick will be shouted at for hours by their manager until they whimper.

Staff are expected to work in cubicles without daylight, crammed into a space no bigger than that for a hamster, and work with technology so ancient and useless that they weep openly at their desks. Tissues will be charged for, at 10p a go.

All staff are expected to entertain the clients. This will mean wearing very short skirts in the case of the ladies and allowing Mr Groper our new business customer to feel your bum every time you're anywhere near him, without complaining about it"

Have read back a bit - one of JM's patented (((((((((HUGS))))))))) for Mary... goodness, there is a bit of breast worry going around on MN. Nothing like a lump in the breast to create instant and total arse-freezing panic .

Am loving the company policy thing

OK, so we all know that JM is a bit, ahem, clumsy ... but how did I do this to myself: I have somehow developed a Staph infection in a cut on my leg. And, oh joy!! It could possibly be penicillin-resistant Staph, to boot! Fan-flippin'-tastic .
I tripped over Jack's rocking chair in his room and gouged my shin ten days ago. One of those gouges that bleeds but doesn't drip IYKWIM. So I didn't bandage it. [stupid emoticon] Two days later, I put anti-bac ointment on it, and that night when I took the bandage off, the cut was yellow and gooey. Eeeeeeew. No change for five days so I took myself to the GP on Monday. She swabbed it and handed me a prescription for antibiotics and said she'd call me if the culture came back funny. No call yet but it's not changed one bit so .

Pinot Gigglio accepted, and glugged.
Thanks for teh pillow. Just teh ticket for leaning on to read a brain fluff novel .
Now tonight I SHOULD be doing stuff, like writing Christmas cards, phoning my Mum and getting everything packed for family exodus to work/ preschool at 8am tomorrow. So if you see me else where on MN, do shout Oi and kick me back to RL.

Mixed news/ no news on housing front. DH seems to have decided not to apply for job in South East that has fantastic money and a sensible job description ( for him) BUT is in the home counties. >
We have pulled out of house with missing paperwork and someone else has put an offer in on it alread. I went to look at a property new on market , in next village, today. Tis and un exciting modern bungerlow, but it does tick all our boxes for must haves... so , sending DH to look at it on saturday.

Company polices.....
The boss will be grumpy and rude to customers, staff however are not allowed to be anything but smiling cheery polite souls at all hours of day or night.

Following boys behaviour at Ballet with Parents watching and again at preschool nativity with parents watching I have to conclude that my only is very confident in front a crowd and very uninterested in doing what ever the rest of the children are being told to do.
Ho-Hum. wonder what he will be like in reception class.
Was sweet when he waved and shouted " I love you mum" mid performance. He was either a Shepard with no costume and tinsel or maybe an angel with no costume except tinsel, not sure which. He thinks he was the photographer.

Thanks JM Bummer about your leg - I did the most fantastic full shin scrape the other week and the bottom part of that went all gooey, but MIL brought home some betadine (iodine) ointment and a dressing from the hospital and that seemed to remove the gooeyness. Prior to that I had been using a medical swab to reduce it (just alcohol) - so you could try washing your wound in vodka (high alcohol, low sugar).
Also fingers crossed that your stepdad is ok.

MT, I haven't ever thought of using the pressure cooker - how much time would it reduce it by? Although it might be immaterial as I only have quite a small pressure cooker and will have 2 smallish puds, so they'd have to be done one at a time, which means I'd have to take twice as long to do them both, iyswim.

Mary, I hope things work out well for you at Addenbrookes - fingers crossed and there is a book that might help you if necessary but I'll wait to see what the outcome is before recommending it. In the meantime, if you fancy giving up dairy products, it might help...

amber - loving your social irresponsibility and would like to add this:
Pensions - we will take an inordinately large proportion of your wages to pay into the company pension plan, which will then be used to fund the personal collection of fine paintings in the Director's office. You will later be told that the "investment" of your pension went tits up with all the other portfolios in the general financial crisis, while the Director will get to keep the paintings as his retirement bonus.

UniS - hope your housing situation gets more settled soon! I managed to post 95% of my cards the other day, just waiting on a couple of addresses to post the rest.

daisy - yes, so far so good.

MadBad, CMOT and other wibblers - have some lovely chocolate muffins and a big hug of the generally manly variety from Mellors

Fingers crossed for your stepdad JM. He's not had an increase in his PSA though has he ?

If he had external beam radiotherapy, then bladder bleeds are certainly not uncommon - you get tiny blood vessel growth as a late effect of the radiation, and they are more prone to bleeding.

DS did not want to come home from nursery tonight. Threw a complete tantrum about it, and took me ages to calm him down (this is not like him at all - you can usually distract him v easily). He then fell asleep in the car on the way home, and has been so ever since, apart from stirring slightly in bed as I removed shoes and trousers and poppered a nappy on. It was rather odd for it to be 6, and no DS.
It did mean I made my 7.30 conference call with Hawaii very easily. Why do they not need me to visit them though ?

UniS - your DS sounds very like mine sometimes !

I agree CMOT Why can't clients be more reasonable and want to extend their premises in the more exotic locations rather than places like Southend or Handsworth (locations carefully chosen not to give anything away!) even somewhere like Gibraltar would be of more interest and sun!

UNis - yours sounds a bit like mine... he was the only one surruptitiously waving at his parents just in case they hadn't noticed him as he walked past - oh and removed his headgear - put it back on again thanks to a glare from me... I was quite worried when he got given a present to put down - but very glad when he put it down carefully where it was meant to be. I can only imagine what could have been done with that present if he'd had it for much longer.

JM - sorry to hear about your leg too. I remember having an 'anti gunk' cream when I was small and had a gunky big toe.. I have know idea what it had in it, but it was pretty potent. I hope that you find something equally helpful.

Just heard that Wriggle is to be an angel. Will not have the problems of confident performers - getting her on stage will be a miracle! Now in a quandry about costume - buy from Matalan (bleugh) or assemble from oddments about the house (what will the teachers think about that?) Loved the idea of UniBoy convinced he was the photographer! Wriggle has a friend who is on strike because he will only accept the role of Baby Jesus.

JM, have heard very positive things about honey and possibly lavender, suitably diluted?

Just watched Kirsty's Homemade Christmas. Should we allow her a free hand to decorate the tea room log cabin? Or would that be like being smothered in brandy butter and tartan ribbons?

Racing I would go home made every time. Matalan? You need a sheet, a rope, card and tinsel, non?

Mistle LOL at Photographer Chick

CMOT Why did boy not want to leave? Woken enough to tell you?!

JM poor you re leg, honey sounds a good plan....

UniS hope next house is good

Amber - "Repetitive inputting of data and use of small number of keys on keyboard, requiring you to stretch your hand (one hand only) is a key part of the job. You will be required to maintain a steady input rate of 90 strokes per minute. While there is a nominal allowance of 10 minutes off per hour, you will be expected not to take it to ensure team targets are met. Time spent going to the lavatory and fetching water will be deducted from 40 minutes for lunch."

Oh, and...

"Failure to answer the telephone within 4 rings is a disciplinary offensive. Three such failures will lead to a formal written warning"

Taking things in reverse order .....

I'm not sure I want Kirsty in the tea room. I had always thought that we were a creative lot and more than capable of producing our own bunting and decorations made from birch twigs and red gingham without Kirsty bossing us about. And wouldn't she want to bully us about converting the loft and moving to a more upmarket area with better transport links?

I vote, Racing, for homemade costume rather than shop-bought nylon tat. I think we have got rid of our vast stock of tutus and fairy wings, but will look, in case there is anything which Mellors could bring down.

Amazingly, MBBaby does not want to take part in her concert at school because it means missing the end of term swimming party. I tend to feel that she has to turn up and take one for the team, but am I being too harsh?

Bummer, Jacksmama, about the leg. Hope Amber's honey poultice does the trick.

Thanks, Amber, for the pinot gigglio. Here's my latest contribution .....

Promotion within the company is done entirely on merit. Points are awarded for meritorious qualities, such as being male, white, middle-aged and in possession of a good golf handicap. Women, members of ethnic minorities and people with disabilities will be invited for interviews strictly for window-dressing purposes.
And

And

Thanks for Pinot Gigglio but my potion of choice is a lovely California Chardonnay, with which I am toasting CMOT as the hero of the hour, because I just forwarded what you said to my parents and they are much relieved.

Of course I know that it may still be serious... but I am grateful for anything that gives them peace of mind until the uro consult on Monday. Massive thanks to you CMOT.

Re the leg - two and a half full days of antibiotics and no change. The cut isn't large, about 2/3s of my thumbnail in size, but the yellow goo has not budged an inch. Am going to phone GP for results of culture tomorrow. I do not like the purple rim around it.
And by the way, I did have iodine in the house... in future, ALL cuts and gouges will be doused in the stuff. I think it's beyond honey and lavender at this point.

Phew, server's working again. What a relief.

That calls for a nice cuppa. Orders?

Lovely cuppa Amber. Did the percussive maintenance approach work ?

DS slept till 7.20 this morning - he obviously needed the sleep - and apologised on waking for shouting at me last night. Bless him. Ran into nursery to play with the new farm set they got yesterday, telling the others that his mummy had helped build it - they were having ishoos with it when I went to get him.

DH has gone to a 'lunch meeting'. I'm guessing on a 5 hour lunch.

Homemade angel costumes are def the best. I have no idea what DS is in the concert, although I know his duffel coat is in it (but maybe not on him), and have heard all the songs