The One Child Tea Room started as a sort of sanctuary for anyone who was a bit tired of the controversy surrounding having one child only, for whatever reason. The topic seems to attract that sort of thing. So we thought we needed a place where a cup of tea and a muffin and a place to sit down and relax was needed - and judging by the number of visitors and regulars, it really was much needed!
The tea room has since undergone a few, shall we say, metamorphoses... it started as a charming bricks and mortar sort of place, with a lovely English garden, a ha-ha in the distance, and wonderful mismatched crockery.
But since the tea room is truly magical, at night, the glitter ball comes out, and booze and sofas canapees are served. During the daytime, there is a stable with (at last count) two horses, Earl and Lady Grey, who appreciate being exercised. We also have (at last count) two guinea pigs, RacingPig and RacingMissPiggy... but since they seem to have been up to no good, that count may increase shortly.
In its most recent incarnation, the tea room became a yurt, and we had Mellors The Gardener show up in buckskin trousers and no shirt (which caused several of the regulars to either fan themselves with whatever magazines were available, or faint prettily, preferably into Mellors' arms), and there seems to have been an errant bison or two.
Oh, and we also had the Naked Mohawk Babies - they were originally cake decorations (for the life of me, I cannot find the link right now) - and they have since taken on lives of their own, adding much amusement to the tea room.
Decorations include cut-outs of George Clooney, Wesley Snipes, and any other hunks of burning love we can think of. Oh, and peace lilies, and (since nothing seems to be able to kill the damn thing) an aspidistra.
For those who are shy of company, or fleeing controversial threads, we have a Priest Hole to hide relax in.
Please remember that the tea room is magical - no amount of Bolly swilled will cause a hangover, allergies of any type mean nothing, so you can eat and drink whatever you like, and if you don't fancy the distressed-looking couch, a brand-new comfy arm chair will appear in seconds.
EVERYONE is welcome, whether you have one child, none, or ten. In fact, one of our regulars is currently pregnant!!
The only strict rule we enforce is no fisticuffs. Anyone who behaves disagreeably will be ejected by Mellors (fully clad).
Most important of all - the tea room is meant for fun and support. It's perfectly acceptable, and in fact, mandatory, to be a little unhinged yourself.
Welcome all!!
(I've had a somewhat trying day so I will leave the crating and moving of china, and the actual shaping of the tea room, to everyone else... I did hear rumours of a spa being added, however, so please, book me in for a pedicure, will you? Thanks!)