Would anyone like a cup of tea and a muffin?

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

I'm tired and in need of refreshment.

The tea room is now officially open, serving hot chocolate, tea, freshly-squeezed orange juice and a range of home-baked muffins. Tablecloths and crockery are charmingly mismatched antiques (no Cath Kidston here). We overlook an attractive although somewhat overgrown garden, with a distant view of rolling countryside.

Everyone is welcome but house rules dictate that anyone indulging in fisticuffs will be ejected.

Please come in.

I now don't know whether to wrestle mincepies from Puzzle or nick Bucharests paper bag when she goes for a pee....

Have one please Pag, I have had three today already. And I mean in RL

Right. What's been going on in my short absence?

Bucharest, dear, those Saturday Night Fever dance moves are very interesting (not to mention athletic), but would you be a sweetie and take that cake stand off your head? It was left to me by my great aunt Mildred and I'd be very upset if it got bro-. Oh dear. Never mind. I'll fetch the dustpan and brush.

Cmot - we had a pregnant customer earlier who ate all the gluten-free muffins but I promise to have some more tomorrow. I see that pagwatch has put up her massage table just behind the aspidistra, so maybe a back neck and shoulder massage would calm your nerves? Could you get some decorations for the cafe Christmas tree, if you've got the time in Copenhagen? Bring me the receipt and they'll be tax-deductible. And we've just sold all your cashmere teddies! They want to profile you in Lovely Lifestyle magazine - you will be sure to mention the cafe, won't you?

Daisy - Latte and muffin coming right up and thanks for the sparklers. They're very festive. I've just found Bucharest's empty bottle stuffed into the aspidistra's cache-pot, but the size and continuing clanking of her handbag makes me think she might perhaps have further supplies.

ighty - We can do the decaff soya mocha but I'm afraid the muffins all contain fruit (part of our five a day, doncha know) so will contain fructose. Is that a problem for you? We have some vegan flapjacks, if that's any help. How kind of little ighty to deadhead the violas - I've been meaning to get around to it for days, but getting the cafe ready for opening has taken more time than I imagined, so the garden has been rather neglected.

So. More tea anyone?

Puzzlerocks - sorry I didn't mention your mince pies. I didn't spot that we'd got onto the second page of our tea room menu. Yum. Did you make them yourself or buy them in Marks and Spencers and bash them with a rolling pin, a la I Don't Know How She Does It? Either way, many thanks.

Can I come in? I only have chocolate digestives to share but also a dd who is miserable as sin because I wouldn't let her go to film club after school (PG film and she's 5) even though one of her friends was going (I hate permissive parents ) and we went past her auntie's afterwards to try and cheer her up but she wasn't at home so I'm somehow to blame for that because I should know Auntie's every movements . Thank god for CITV.

Of course! Come on in! What would you like to drink?

Would your daughter like to do some gardening? We have some child size trowels and gardening gloves. And why on earth is a school offering a PG film to 5 year olds?

Oh I really want to say I made them myself but Waitrose did. DD and I plan to make the Christmas batch though.

Wobbly, what was the film?

Could I join too please?

Just wondering if the mince pie are organic and whether the tea is fairtrade?

I can bring home made banana cake, though not sure how many food miles they count as? I did get the eggs from the local farm shop though and I was assured the hens were very happy ones!

Love the sofa, btw.

Hah! If you knew the real Bucharest you'd know just how much drink (of the Drink kind) needs to be taken before her booty is shaken. And then grown women cry and hide their children's eyes......
Reckon though these days a sniff of the cork'd probably be enough.....
I shall leave the cake stand be, as I have to go and hose down a small person.....
Be good!

I'll have a tea please . And she'd love to do some gardening, preferably weed destruction . The school plays a film for free after school to anyone who wants to go, parents included and they do some U ones, dd saw Hoodwinked before half term but they do PG for the older ones and leave it to the parents to decide what the kids can see. Today it was Kung Fu Panda which I thought might go over dd's head and no other kids in her class were going as far as I know - just the obnoxious one who's allowed to do everything

Kung Fu Panda good, but DS (age 7) spent the next few days practicing karate kicks! Not sure the teachers will be too impressed tomorrow with half the school practicing their karate!

Any chance of Egg nog? Can always slip a brandy in it!

oh hello

May I please have a latte like Daisy?
And I am bringing lovely almond muffins that are full of good fats for nursing mummies AND are completely wheat and gluten-free (and can be dairy-free if you substitute apple sauce for the butter). Will share recipe if anyone wants.
I mentioned it to Mr. Obama but he is in fact busy. Wants a muffin and latte though, too.

Hahaha - can imagine that'll be fun . I'm just a bit fuddy-duddy about films, won't let dd watch anything PG unless I've seen it all the way through on my own first, but I think 7-9 is much better suited.

Anyone want an apple? Have a bag of misshapen home-grown ones someone foisted on me kindly gave me.

Any chance of a large pot of tea over here, with a charmingly mismatched mug rather than a charmingly mismatched cup and saucer? I'm afraid I haven't brought anything appropriate to eat, but I could contribute some jars of homemade chutney? They might, erm, look nice in the window along with the cashmere teddies?

Jacksmama - could I get that recipe please ? Not that I need the fats now

Of course CMOT, here you are:

Preheat oven to 375F. I think that's 175 degrees C or thereabouts, depends on how hot your oven is. The original recipe I was given said 350F but I found 375F worked better for me, perhaps my oven is slow.

Beat together:
2 1/2 cups ground almonds (doesn't matter if they have the skin on or not - I've ground my own whole almonds or have bought the blanched ground ones)
3 eggs
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup butter or applesauce
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
large dash vanilla essence
huge dash cinnamon

Pour in muffin tin (makes about 12), bake for 20-22 min.
They are especially yummy if you sprinkle the tops with cinnamon and brown sugar (and tiny chopped walnut pieces) before baking.
Enjoy!!

Dd and I did something this afternoon that I haven't done since I was 16.....drumroll .... we baked!

In honour of this momentous event and the peace and harmony now reigning on this topic, I present our fairy cakes to you.

You might want to avoid the ones with the Smarties that dd licked before putting them on top.

Phew! It's getting busy in here!

jacksmama - one latte coming up!

dontcallme - just coming with the pot of tea.

squeaver - the fairy cakes are charming. Many thnaks.

All products sold at the cafe are organic, fairtrade and (wherever possible) locally sourced. Of course, I can't vouch for the kind donations which people have brought to celebrate the cafe's opening. (Sadly, once the cafe is fully up and running, I may have politely to insist that customers do not bring in their own cake, as we are a business, however ethical, but for today we're in party mood).

wobbly - my Infant Phenomenon loved Kung Fu Panda but it did inspire a few days of flying kicks. We've just watched the Muppet Movie together and so, inspired by Ms Piggy (my all time favourite diva), we are back on the karate!

Any more orders?

Well I've been shopping all day and had a latte and choc muffin in Starbucks. Unfortunately, they've changed their recipe for the choc muffins - me no like . Don't suppose MadBad can rustle up a choc muffin to the old Starbucks formula? Failing that I'll have banana bread, please

Yes, we have a 'bring your own booze' licence (although in moderation, please, as this afternoon's live rerun of Saturday Night Fever upset some of our more delicate customers).

Choc muffin coming up for Mulanmum.

The cafe is now closed for today.

Night all.