Only child teenagers

[SewingWarriorQueen76]

Seeking the collective wisdom here. DD 15 , typical teenage laziness and total
self absorption.
Today for the 3rd time we found a vape in her bedroom. I had gone in the open the curtains it was on the shelf- I didn’t go looking.

We tried to talk it through with her explaining that once ‘it’s a friends’ might wash, second we gave her the benefit of the doubt but this time - its clearly hers.

Have grounded her for a month with only school and sports. However she then dug down into personal insults and abusive language.
To this point we have ignored some boundary pushing but today was just too much.

She screamed at me repeatedly hurling insults and no matter what we say it’s not touching the sides.

I am minded to cancel all sports and extra curricular activities, however the regional squad starts next weekend and once you are you can’t get back in.

I need her to try to meet me half way but I am out of ideas

I don’t understand the relevance of being an only child here?

I suppose that if they had a sibling they may not take out all their frustrations of puberty out on us parents?

The problem with vapes is, that you can much easier hyde it than smoking. Back when I was a teenager vapes weren't a thing and we when you smoked, teacher and parents could smell it. Vaping you can much easier hyde. You catched your DD three times with a vape. She probably vaped a lot more than that and is adiccted. Because it is so easy to hyde, you get addicted much faster.

So she is probably feeling some form of withdrawl. That doesn't excuse her behaivour but explains it to an extend. I can tell you, nicotine withdrawl is brutal and if you take nicotine in secret when ever the opportunity present itself you start right back over with the withdrawl.

For me punishment wouldn't be the way to go in that situation. The only way that somene quits for good is, when they want to quit. That mean to work with them not against them. Clearly she resists the punishment. I guess your hope was, that she would come to the realisation, that she shouldn't vape and to cut her off from vapes. But at the moment, she probably sees you as her "enemie" while going to withdrawl and being cut off from her friends. Besides even grounded, there is a high chance, that she gets a new vape at school and/or vapes at school.

So instead of punishing I would focus on helping her quit. Look into counceling or programs to help her quit. Sit her down and ask flat out, what does she need to quit. However while I wouldn't punish, I still would make sure, that she hasn't any spare money to spend for vapes.

I believe in you and your daughter you can overcome this together!