Did you mind being an only child?

[Ticktacks]

Anyone here a only child? My husband and I are discussing whether to have 2nd child. I'm keen, he's not. If you were an only child growing up didi you mind not having a sibling? Were you ever lonely?

I hated being an only child and remember asking my parents for a sibling. It was lonely, and I envied other children who had siblings. As an adult, it was hard to be the only one caring for my elderly parents. They have both died and now there is no sibling to say "did you remember that family holiday we had in Devon?" There is no one to share my memories. I have chosen to have 2 children. I also have two dogs. Maybe that says it all.

I liked it. It was mostly just me and my mum and we had a very close relationship. I always came home from friends’ houses relieved I didn’t have a sibling as I found the noise and chaos and push and pull of sibling relationships really hard work as a mere observer.

Now my mum is dead I do occasionally get a sort of pang that I’m the only one who mourns her in that way. But then on the other side of that, there’s something nice about having that unique relationship too.

And obviously being an only child has given me advantages practical and financial in life that have made my life much easier and given me a leg up.

I chose to have two in the end but I suspect DD1 would have been fine as an only child as she’s similar to me in many regards.

Hated it as a child and even more as an adult.

I have one sister six years younger. I don’t feel we had much of a shared childhood. I never wanted a sibling and we aren’t close. In recent years my mother and I have coped with my dad’s terminal illness together with essentially no input from sister who was very mollycoddled and is pretty useless as an adult even though she lives nearby and I don’t. If she didn’t exist it wouldn’t make much difference to my life. We’ve never fallen out or anything, I just don’t really know her.

I’m late 40s, lost Mum, dad still with us and fit and able but wary with tech, Gran still with us (Mums Mum) late 90s fiercely independent and continues to be an absolute princess with occasional venom. I’m incredibly lucky that Dad is happy to help his MIL out when he could have walked away.

Sure it’s hard but I’ve never really thought yes if I had a sibling it would be easier.

Sibling could move to Australia, go no contact, anyrhing, and it means nothing with day to day jobs and care.

DH is one of three, one decent, one not. I spend time with all of them and praise that I’m an only child but spend time with one of the siblings and family and it’s wonderful.

Though I easily strike up conversations with people I’ve never met before, I’m noticeably very happy in my own company and need a fair amount of “quiet time” probably because that’s what my childhood was like.
I have often given the impression I have an older brother. Like a PP I wish I had a sister to spend time with now I’m retired.

I hated it then and hate it now. My mum was one of 6 I have 14 cousins, they all lived in a 5 mile radius and we're really close growing up. We lived 100 miles away, i always felt very lonely and isolated. Was awful when I lost my Mum, hard being the only one looking after Dad.
Oh doesnt speak to his siblings so our children have no real extended family.
Feel jealous of people who have close sibling bonds.
I get overwhelmed by too many people and like my own company. But often feel lonely.

No, I loved it and I've never felt lonely and never wanted a sibling. I'm 67 btw, and my DM was also an only.

I know someone who was an only child and at the point she was looking after the mother for dementia really felt the pain of her being an only. Made me really want more than one child. However that person is now suffering from dementia and despite the fact she has two children, one has done nothing. I think it is probably lonelier being the “only” when you know there’s someone else who could help, and won’t.

I am an only child and had a perfectly happy childhood. I didn't know any different and had friends and cousins etc . I have always been close to my parents and pretty self sufficient (not sure if that had anything to do with it, though).

I was so happy to be an only child that I went on to have an only child by choice. He seems fine!

I would now, in my 50s, like to have this 'fantasy' support sibling to live close by to my mum since my dad died. It would be great to have another person to take care of her because I live abroad and it is tough to be away when elderly parents start needing more from you.

Not at all as a child, at all - although I was very bored on family holidays. We never went with other families so I was always trailing along behind my parents. But I had a very happy childhood and lots of good friends at school, a couple of whom I consider substitute sisters still today.

But now I’m an adult I do feel the lack of an adult sibling. I know that is no guarantee siblings will get on in adulthood but I am sad that there is nobody to share my memories and experiences with now my parents are ageing. I am sad I won’t experience being an aunt (again, not a given). And I see my own DDs together and see a bit of what I missed out on as a child.

However I didn’t feel any lack in childhood at all.

And having said all of that actually glad that when it comes to looking after my parents I will have full decision making responsibilities and there will be no difficult negotiations making things harder than they need to be.

My best friend is an only child and as a child she loved it, but as an adult she always says she wishes she had a sibling. Her parents are both dead and I think she feels very lonely with nobody to share family
memories with etc.

I have a sister and she made my childhood and teenage years so joyous, we were inseparable. We are adults now and we spend HOURS laughing over all our memories from our childhood. I love being an auntie to her children and she loves being an auntie to mine etc.

I come from a big family as my mum was one of three, my dad was one of five, they all married and had children too so I have 10 cousins and we have lots of childhood memories with them too etc and we are still close with them and we love looking back on the fun we all had together as children.

My experience of having a sibling was definitely one of the driving factors in having a second baby.

However, I also know lots of people who were only children who loved it as chikdren and love it as adults and don’t feel they missed out at all.

There is no right answer.

Don’t have a second baby just for the sake of providing a sibling though unless that’s an important factor for you too. You have to want a baby for your own reasons, not just because you are thinking of your current child’s future.

I wasn't precocious. Having been born in 1957, good manners were drilled into me. The idea of interrupting conversations, inserting myself where unwarranted and generally showing off were alien concepts and (rightly or wrongly) would not have been tolerated for one minute. And I certainly had no difficultly engaging with other children. I grew up in a village where we all played very happily together and I had many friends, some of whom I'm still in contact with. As for emotionally immature, I believe being brought up in an adult centric household made me rather the opposite.

Echoing what a lot of others have said - didn’t bother me as a child, but I hate it as an adult. The burden of parents falls squarely upon you and there is no other support and no family to lean on. While I fully accept I was lucky to have two kids who get on well, I can honestly say one of the highlights of motherhood has been watching their relationship grow and develop and it’s made me very aware of what I missed as a child.

@ginasevernno, you haven’t understood what I meant. By precocious I mean using big words and adult vocabulary - old beyond one’s years - and consequently being out of place with other children. I don’t mean being rude and interrupting.

Our experiences have clearly been very different - let’s leave it there.

Mine (now 18) hated the idea of a sibling and even now he is glad he doesn’t have one. The time he got with us was his only, and the memories he had the opportunity to make he may not otherwise have had these.

I never understand the desperate need for a sibling, I have one and whilst I love her, it doesn’t materially change my life

I always wanted a sibling; my parents were obviously entirely focussed on me and it was quite intense. There was a lot of pressure to look happy or the whole house was plunged in gloom. When they got old there was only me to be company and to help out whilst working full time.

My DH has several siblings, they are all quite close and fortunately we have always been good friends with them as we had children of similar ages. I had two children but if I could have afforded I would have had another. They are close still. I envy friends with brothers and sisters although I realise they do t always get on. I think my friends are especially important to me as they fulfil a quasi sister role.

I'm sad that I have no family of my generation. I think that is quite a lonely place to be. I think if I had several cousins who I had grown up with and then remained close with in adulthood, it would have filled that gap a bit, but sadly I don't. My cousins have just never 'needed' me because they have their own siblings. I'm very much an outsider in my extended family, and I would say that is simply because of circumstances and not because I am a terrible person to be around or anything like that. So I feel very unfortunate in that sense.

That's not to say everything in my life is negative (far from it) but it is a source of great sadness.

I don't know why I have typed this really. In the past when I have expressed similar on here, I have been torn apart.

I loved it as a kid, and I don't mind it as an adult. I do worry because all care for my ageing parents falls on me, but having a sibling wouldn't guarantee anything different. It's easy to mentally build up this perfect sibling who shares the burden but that's far from reality in many cases so I try to keep that in mind!

The only time I feel particularly sad is in comparison to my husband, who has 4 sisters so their family group chat is him, his mum and dad, and 4 sisters, so it's always bustling. I don't have that. It particularly hurts now because the first baby has been born and all the photos are in their family group chat and I feel particularly 'lonely' when you see all that love and 'family' going on in comparison to me just having my parents. Makes me think that when they go, it's just me on my 'side' of the family.

OP I am happily one and done, and please don't let these posts worry you too much. I think it's even worse to have a child your husband doesn't want, just so your child has a sibling, there are no guarantees a sibling would be any support at any stage of life. There are plenty of adults with horrible sibling relationships

Wow that is extreme. It is almost as common now to be an only child than to have siblings. It is more 'brutal' to have a child you don't want, just to give a sibling.

I am now 68 and an only child. I’ve never minded it. My parents died in their early fifties and early seventies respectively. It’s fine. I don’t get all the angst frankly.

I only minded because other people minded when I was a small child in the 1980s and called me spoilt or snobby.

Other than that it's great.

I wish I was an only child. My sister is psychotic and has ruined my life. I have cPTSD because of her, and my mother did fuck all to protect me and just pretended none of it ever happened.

I was lonely but that’s because my parents hated each other and there were arguments and dv. Id not have wished that on another child. I probably wanted a sibling so we could listen to the screaming together as that would be less frightening perhaps?

I was a mistake so it wasn’t going to happen albeit there was another mistake when I was 10 but she had an abortion that time.

as an adult - no not really albeit it would be a joy for parents to have another option for Christmas Day. I think it’s a lottery though whether you’d get on with a sibling so having one could be worse?